Long Time, No Write…

Well, okay so it’s only been about a week since I last posted an entry here…but for me that’s kind of a long time to go without writing anything considering I’m usually pretty regular with posting.

Anyway, I promised I’d blog so you all know what I’m up to…so I’ve been down here visiting my parents for the past week and also saw my boy for the first time after 2-3 weeks when I got down here last week.  It was kind of weird when he and I first saw each other after not having seen each other for a while, but after the initial shock of seeing each other for the first time again…it was back to feeling comfortable and the same again.

We’ve both been looking for jobs down here and trying to decide where we each want to live – him with a friend and me by myself unless I find someone I’d want to try rooming with – ha until we get married and get a place together.  So far because of the job/financial status…we haven’t changed the wedding plans…we’re still planning to try for December.  I still don’t know if I/we’ll be able to make it all the way to December, but that’s the plan for now that we’re doing.

As for the job search, I’m getting tired of it because I’ve been back and forth with look for a job down here and look for a job up where my place is that I still am in until I get a job down here.  It seems like I’ve been looking for a job for quite a while now and thinking about it recently, I’ve discovered/figured out some things about me and this job search that have lead me to the conclusion within the past few days that I am the one holding myself back from getting a job, if that makes sense.  I mean, I’m the only person or thing standing in my own way of getting a good job that I want or even of just getting a job because of some fears and insecurities of mine.

Yeah, I know…me and fears and insecurities…we’re good pals and we go way back together and I really detest them.  For some reason though, they seem to love me…it’s disgusting really when they show up and bug me like this.  I really hate having to constantly battle with them in one area of my life or another, ya know.

It’s just that I’ve recently discovered and figured this out about holding myself back with jobs because the thing is I have had jobs offered to me…I have had a few jobs that could have been fun or decent until I found something better that were interested in hiring me, but I didn’t respond because I wanted to hold out and see if I could get something better.  Then if I wasn’t holding out for something better, like there were a couple jobs that were interested in offering me a position or talking to me that I didn’t respond to that were great jobs that had to do with counseling…I freakin probably could have been starting a job with a counseling office already, which is what I want to do, right?  But what do I do, I run and hide…not because I was waiting for something better than those one or two jobs, but because I was/am afraid that if I did go and start working with a counseling office…I’d fail at it or find that it wasn’t really my thing or who knows what skeletons from my closet would surface for me to deal with so because of my stupid fear of failure…I didn’t even try.

Then as you can see, instead of identifying the problem as I have and saying okay this is what I need to do to change the outcome and get myself to try and just go for the job the next time or what not, I kick myself while I’m already down.  I know I shouldn’t kick myself while I’m down…it’s such a bad trait/habit I have of doing to myself and one that I constantly work on.  I should just learn from what I’ve figured out here and from my mistakes and use it to help myself, but instead I was kicking myself while I was down.  I really need to stop doing that, learn from the mistakes and get the next job/good job that comes along because I know they’re out there and I can do them…I’ve already seen some of them, but I can’t let them pass me by anymore.

Other than that, I’ve been doing Memorial Day get togethers with his family and today with my family.  We hung out with a couple of his friends and went to see Shrek 3 on this past Friday night, then Saturday night, we hung out by ourselves and last night we hung out with his family and then my family some too.  Today we’ll be hanging out with more of my family and doing a barbecue and games.  We might go and see Pirates 3 with his family in the afternoon today too or later on this week with my family, but I’m set on seeing Pirates 3 for sure this week.

Since Cory and I have been back together and around each other again, we’ve had some good times with talking about things and we’ve had some romantic moments too that were unexpected.  It’s just one night this past week when we were talking, he looked at me and said you do realize that we only went up there to school for each other, right.  I, of course, didn’t realize at first what he was saying so I started saying I had other reasons for why I went up there to go to school and all.  Then he looked at me and shook his head and said no, we went up there to find each other and that was what it was all really for…and he sat and gazed at me for a minute with this look and I was overwhelmed by how much love was in his eyes when he looked at me…and then he said and ya know after going up there and going through all that dumb school stuff and what not, it was all worth it because at least I got you.

Another night when we were together after that time, he said to me, I just can’t wait until we can go to sleep together and I want to sleep holding you in my arms because it makes me feel whole, happy and safe to have you in my arms and hear your heartbeat.  One other night, we were talking and he said well we should get you home now and I said, but I am already home and he looked at me for a minute and I said I feel like I’m home in your arms…it’s the one place I feel most at home and he said I know, I feel the same way.

I know, it’s disgusting, all mushy and romantic, huh, but I feel like one of the luckiest people alive because I have him.  I feel complete and whole with him and at home in his arms…he makes me feel safe and happy and he’s always there for me.  I’ve never had this with anyone else, never had anyone feel this way about me and I’ve never felt this way about anyone…it’s like the most amazing thing that’s ever happened and that I’ve ever experienced.

Anyway, that’s more or less what’s been going on with me and everything else in my life for now.  I hope everyone’s been having a great Memorial Day weekend and doing good…I promise to try to do better with blogging this week and not slack off so much again =).

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I’m So Excited!!!

Okay I can’t contain myself…I’m literally bouncing off the walls here and I’m never excited to go to bed, but I am tonight because I can’t wait for tomorrow to come!!!

I don’t know how much I’m going to sleep because I am so wound up…geez I can’t even type I’m so hyped up right now lol.

I just have to do a couple things tomorrow and then I get to head out to go down to my parents to start working on getting a new place and a job down there, but most importantly…I get to see Cory when I get there by no later than tomorrow night depending on how things go with what I need/want to get done before I leave.

I am so FREAKING EXCITED to see Cory tomorrow night…I don’t think I’ve been this hyped or wound up in a long time…in fact I don’t remember the last time I was bouncing off the walls this much.

I’m SOOOO excited and Cory doesn’t even know I’m going to be down there tomorrow night…yet…hee hee…he knows I’ve been planning on coming down this week, but he doesn’t know when and I’m not telling so when I show up at his house after I drop my stuff off at my parents tomorrow night…he’ll probably faint or something lol.  I don’t know what he’ll do, but I can imagine how surprised and excited he’s going to be to see me on his doorstep tomorrow night though.

He’ll probably be just about as excited as I am or maybe more when I show up tomorrow night!  Oh my heck, I am so excited…I don’t know how I can possibly go to sleep and do the normal boring things and errands etc. I need to before I leave and get there to see him.

EEEEKKKK!!!  I keep having this song going through my head too…ya know the one by the Pointer sisters I think it was…I’m so excited and I just can’t hide it – WHHEEEE!!!

Wow!  I really haven’t been this excited, hyped up, wound up and happy and all over anything in a long time!

Okay I’m going to try to calm down, get some sleep and what not so I can get up and do my boring things so I can get down there and see him before I die of anticipation and excitement all together here lol!

Changing Plans…

I would say I’m changing plans again, but I don’t really know if that fits… I mean really I’ve changed plans quite a few times lately and felt like I’ve been going around in circles to figure things out, but I do have a new plan of attack from the one I was planning on using last week.

Of course, things have changed since last week because my boy came home early since the selling job wasn’t working out for him. So, the new plan of action is that I’m pretty positive as in 90 % or more positive that I’m going to end up having to break my lease a little early even though I didn’t want to and I’ve been trying to work things out so I don’t have to break the lease early, but it’s not happening. I’m not having luck with the job search up here where my place is, but I am having better luck and more options available to me down by where my parents and Cory are now so I’m going to finding another place to move to that’s down by where Cory and my parents are within the next month or two.

I’ve started just since this past Friday to look for and apply to jobs down by where Cory and my parents are so I’m planning to get a job and a new place down there. I’m hoping to get a new place and job lined up for myself down there within the next month and close up things up here. I know it’s not going to be fun to break the lease a little early, but I’m to the point where I don’t really have any other option available to me and the best thing with all things considered for me to do now is to go back down by where Cory and my parents are to get a job and place down there as soon as I can.

So, I’m going to do some more job searching from up here tomorrow (Monday) and Tuesday and then head back down to visit/stay with my parents for a little while so I can work on getting a place and job down there while being down there. I’m thinking, as mentioned in the previous post, that I’m going to go to a nearby salon and check out pedicures and probably get myself a french mani for a pedi – my very first pedi either tomorrow or Tuesday before I go down. I also have to get my car taken in for its regular lube and oil check up…sometimes I worry about how much longer my car is going to last before it’s going to die on me.

I’d like to get a new car, but I’m trying to get this one to last a while longer still so we’ll see how that goes with my car. I’m planning on heading down either by Tuesday night or Wednesday afternoon depending on how things go with getting things done and taken care of up here before I head down there for a little while. I’m getting pretty excited to see Cory when I go down this week on Tues or Wed though since it’s been 2 weeks or a little over 2 weeks since I last saw him. I still haven’t seen him since he came back from Cali so I’m getting pretty psyched to see him this week and by the time I do see him, I won’t have seen him for 2 1/2 to 3 weeks, which is the longest we’ve ever gone without seeing each other.

Of course, we were suppose to go 3 months without seeing each other, but things changed and I really don’t know how it would have been had I not been able to see him for a whole 3 months. But Cory is really anxious for me to get down there and wanting to see me…it’s really kind of cute and funny at the same time to listen to him sometimes on the phone.

He’s really starting to go crazy and miss me even more the past couple days now. The last few times I’ve talked to him, he keeps talking about how much he misses me, can’t wait to see me, hold me, hug me, kiss me, cuddle with me and love me for his very own he hee. Yesterday and today he’s been going more crazy with trying to get me to just jump in my car and drive down to see him for a couple hours and then he’ll let me come back up.

He was really complaining about it tonight when we were on the phone though because he knows I’m going to be coming down this week though he doesn’t know for sure which day yet and he wants me to hurry up and get down there. I said to him well don’t worry I’ll be down there in a while and then you can see me and cuddle with me and I said hey at least you get to talk to me on the phone though right. He said all I’ve done the past 2 weeks or so is talk to you on this dumb thing and I haven’t been able to see you or touch you at all for all that time dang it and I said I know it sucks huh and he’s like uh huh so you have to hurry and come down and I said I will after I get some stuff done.

I thought it was cute and nice to know that he wants to see me and cuddle with me that bad and misses me that much. I really want to see him, cuddle with him and miss him a lot too, but I’ve been trying to play it cool and not say anything about it as much because I didn’t want to make it harder for him or for me, ya know. Anyway, now that he’s started talking about it so have I and I can’t wait for the next couple days to go by and I’m getting really nervous and excited all at the same time to see him because I won’t have seen him for so long when I see him again.

I know I’ll probably end up being all shy around him and saying Hi until he makes the first move because it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other and all. I mentioned to him that I’d most likely end up being shy again like I’ve done a few other times when we’ve seen each other after not seeing each other for a weekend or something like that and then he told me he thinks it’s really kind of cute and sexy when I do my little thing and act all shy so now I’m like EEEKK about seeing him again even more than I was before he said that, ya know lol.

I’ve had a countdown on my phone for a while now counting down the hours, minutes and seconds until I get to see him again on Tues or Wed this week and while I sit around in between job searching, running errands, playing, sleeping and sitting around, I keep looking at the countdown clock and willing it to go faster lol. So, yeah I’m really excited to see him this week and I think I’m going to die of excitement and anticipation with the waiting to see him in the next few days here lol…okay so maybe I won’t, but it sure feels like a possibility right now.

I’m just so HYPER and EXCITED to see him again this week – YAY for me =)!!!

Wondering about Pedicures

Alright so I’ve been thinking on and off about pedicures and toying with the idea of getting one…the thing is I’ve never had a pedicure in my life.

I’ve never really been big on girly stuff and never been a girly girl either so here I am a month from turning 30 and finally thinking about giving in and trying out a pedicure.

Well and it’s just that I’ve never been big on people touching my feet or really liked feet period, but lately my curiosity has been piqued about pedicures and I’ve been thinking I’d like to know more and possibly have one now.

So if any of you have any recommendations or tips to share with me about pedicures then please feel free.

Also I was wondering are there things you shouldn’t get a pedicure with like if you have a wart on the bottom of your foot or an ingrown toenail or anything?  I mean I’m totally clueless when it comes to stuff like this so if you have any info or a website I can check that would help inform me about pedicures then I’d appreciate it.

I’m really kind of nervous, shy and excited at the same time at the thought of getting a pedicure for once so any advice would be greatly appreciated :).

Mood Music #5

Brad Paisley – We Danced

There’s another song by him on there, but I just posted it for the first half of the video because his song of We Danced has become our song or I should say one of them…we always dance to that song together though.  I wish I could dance with him to that song right now – *sighs*.

Of course, the other songs that are ours are Hoobastank – The Reason, Lifehouse – Hanging by a Moment, Lifehouse – You and Me and that’s all I can think of off the top of my head right now.

Another Update

Well, my boy just called me around an hour to an hour and a half ago and told me he’s home now. He flew home so he’s down at his parents, which is two hours south of where I am in my place.

Anyway, now we get to figure out what to do the rest of the summer as in how we’re going to work things out so we can see and be around each other as much as we can again now that he’s back. Of course, I’m not sure how we’re going to work that out yet because I have a lease in my place right now so I’m trying to stick it out here until August when the lease is up. I don’t know how much longer I’m really going to end up staying in my place up here though, I may end up breaking the lease a little early and moving back down by where he is if we don’t figure something else out or I don’t find some kind of job up here because right now there isn’t much keeping me up here and I’m feeling kind of like I’m in limbo.

Of course, I’ve been feeling like I’ve been in limbo between my place here and going down where my parents and his parents are for quite some time now. It’s just worse now that I know he’s down there and I can’t be down there by him right now…at least not yet…we’ll see what happens in the next while though.

I mean, I don’t know how to explain it…it’s almost like I miss him more or it’s worse somehow knowing that he’s only 2 hours away from me and I can’t see him yet. Well and he can’t exactly drive up here that easily because of his driving restrictions due to his eyesight etc. that I’ve mentioned in here at least once in the past.

So, yeah I’m really frustrated and trying to figure out what to do next here now and hate that feeling of when you feel you’re in limbo, ya know. It’s almost driving me more crazy now that he’s so close, yet still so far away from me here. I really wish he was up here again and we could just hang out like we use to before he left for Cali and came back and now he’s trying to figure out a place to live because he doesn’t want to stay with his parents for very long and see if he can find something to make some money here during the summer now too.

Oh yeah and of course, while we’re talking on the phone, he’s all well how are we going to work this out now so we can be around each other because we obviously want to be around each other as much as possible right? Then he’s talking and thinking out loud trying to come up with ideas of what we can do now that the situation has changed and he says to me, why did you sign a lease until August anyway, you were suppose to know this was going to happen and not sign a lease until August lol. I was like well sorry I can’t tell the future if I could, then there’s a few things that would probably be different than they are now, ya know :p.

But yep, that’s where things are now with him, me and us trying to figure out what to do now. Don’t ya wish things and life in general were easier sometimes.

Edited to add: The next few posts I’m doing are some of my mood music right now while I’m missing my baby as in missing my boy right now and so forth :).