Bad Day

Daniel Powter – Bad Day

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Okay so it wasn’t the worst day I’ve had, but it wasn’t the best day either.  It was a day kind of like the day in this song, it started out not so good and ended up pretty good after all.

It’s just that when I woke up this morning, I had a bad dream lingering that affected my mood.  And then well I’m a girl and I’ve been moody lately, need I say more lol :p.

Anyway, it ended up alright because I got on an upswing with my moodiness and I had some chocolate too lol :D.  Well and then I did talk/text with Cory tonight too so that helped my day end on a better note than it started on this morning.

Although my fears and insecurities with being vulnerable have manifested themselves again, of course, and that doesn’t help me or my moods :p.  Yeah so if you visit my myspace page you’ll see the song, “I Bruise Easily” by Natasha Bedingfield on there now because I’ve been feeling vulnerable, insecure and what not again.  I really hate dealing with that too!

It’s just the more I hang out, become better friends with Cory and get to know him better, the more I sometimes feel vulnerable, nervous, afraid etc. of what may or may not happen in the future.  I don’t know how to explain it, if you know me or you’re a girl, you probably know exactly what I’m talking about though.  It sucks though, it really sucks!

Well and it’s like one day I’ll have the thought of everything’s good and I’m okay with hanging out with Cory and being vulnerable.  Then another day, I’ll have the thought of what in the heck am I thinking letting myself get close to him or him get close to me as friends or anything?!!?!  I’ll find myself thinking I need to run and hide somewhere because I don’t want to get broken like I was before. 

Well and at first, I’ll just be thinking run and hide to be safe from Cory and what if he hurts me to I should run and hide from all guys again.  I hate being vulnerable and everything, can you tell lol. 

Well and I know I shouldn’t compare Cory to these other idiots I’ve been broken and burned by and I know Cory is completely different and like the best kind of guy I’ve ever been around in a long time.  It still is hard for me and can be pretty scary sometimes going into this whole new realm of possibilities and being vulnerable again.

I think I’ll be fine and I’ll survive no matter what happens with Cory or any other guy for that matter, but it still just freaks me out sometimes, ya know what I’m saying here :p.

“I’m Feelin Hella Good…”

Life and everything still is getting better and improving for me :D.  I’m just doing good with living on my own, going to school and everything. 

Cory and I are talking a little more now and it’s been good for me to have him as a friend up here and all.  I don’t know how to explain it all and I have too much to write and not enough words or time to write it all!  I’m just hyper happy a lot lately.

Anyway, here’s one of my favorite, happy songs :D.

A Haunting Memory

James Blunt-Your’e Beautiful (mtv)

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While I don’t know if I like this music video with this song a lot, I like the song.  I was listening to the radio earlier today and heard this song and it sparked a memory of mine.

I found myself remembering something like this that happened to me except I was a girl and the guy caught my eye.  Oh and I didn’t go jump in the ocean over it either and I don’t know that I’ll never be with the guy.  I just haven’t seen him since that moment we shared kind of like he talks about in the song.

I don’t know why, but for some reason I always remember this one dance I went to.  I’ve been to lots and lots of dances too, but not many of them stick in my mind like this one and a few others have stuck with me.

Anyway, I always have remembered being at this one dance and this guy coming over and dancing with me and how we hit it off.  He was around my same height and he and I were having intelligent conversation.  He also wasn’t freaked out about my going into Psychology/Social Work and wanting to be a counselor like most others had been that I’d talked to back then.

I can’t explain it, but in that brief time we were talking and dancing together he and I really connected.  His name was Mike and of course, I didn’t know his last name and after the dance we were talking and really getting along well when he told me his friends were motioning him over so he had to go see what they wanted since he’d ridden with them to the dance. 

He told me he was going to go check what they wanted and then he said that He’d come back over, if he could (if they weren’t leaving), because he wanted to talk to me more and maybe get my number or something.  I remember I said um okay and just stood and watched him go over to his friends and then a friend of mine came and asked me what was going on so I told her.

After I told my friend and was standing there, I said why am I standing here, I should go ask him for his phone number or see if I can talk to him before he leaves instead of just standing here waiting.  So, I remember going over to the corner where I’d last seen him talking to his friends and catching a glimpse of him and he of me and then he was lost to the crowd as was I. 

Then when the crowd cleared and I could finally move around and try to find him again, he was gone.  He’d, of course, had to leave with his friends and it was like he’d vanished.  I kept going to dances for a long time after that in hopes of seeing him again, but I never did, but I still wonder about him sometimes.

Relaxing Saturday

Well, today has been a pretty relaxing, easygoing kind of day.  I do still have to do some homework and things, but for some reason I’ve been feeling more peaceful today than usual.

Maybe it’s a sign that I’m starting to settle down and get even more comfortable in my new place and with the new school and all.  Who knows…it’s just nice to feel this calm again since I haven’t felt this way in quite a while.

I did go hang out with Cory last night.  We had fun, went out to eat, watched a movie and talked.  We were going to go to a corn maze here, but I chickened out because I don’t know what it is, but something about corn mazes/corn fields in the dark kind of freaks me out.  I would like to overcome that fear sometime though, but last night wasn’t the time to overcome it.  Well, there’s always another time right.

Something that I’ve been thinking about from last night is that afterward when I was sitting at home unwinding before I went to bed, I heard my neighbor – mystery cute guy – talking with a girl as they walked out and he was saying how it was nice to hang out with someone.  Anyway, I just remember sitting here last night before I went to bed wondering to myself about how it would be if I were to hang out with this mystery cute guy next door and what not.

I mean Cory’s nice and all and we’re friends, but I want to hang out and get to know other guys and other people too, ya know.  Anyway, I can’t explain it, I just found myself thinking that myself and this mystery cute guy next door may be more alike then we think, I mean ya know. 

I was just thinking it was kind of funny and interesting that I’m by myself here and this mystery cute guy was by himself next door (I think – not sure though) and we both were hanging out with other people last night, but I was wondering what if the person we’re both waiting for is right next door sort of thing.  I mean it could be anyone really, but that thought just crossed my mind last night besides of course, when it has crossed my mind when I’ve been with Cory before that is.

It’s just some more food for thought going through my brain here is all.  When I sit and my mind wanders, I find that happens a lot as usual.

Well and with Cory last night, we were talking about this, that and the other and he kept saying things about different things that clearly show he intends to be good friends with me and hang out with me a lot more times in the future.  I don’t know, after last night, I’m a lot more comfortable with him than I already was except that little nagging doubt that still is lurking around at times in my mind.

It’s just after last night, I’m not worried about him not liking me or not wanting to hang out with me again as much.  It was funny last night though because we came over and hung out at my place – I know bad Anne lol.  

Anyway, nothing happened – don’t worry.  I wouldn’t have let anything happen either and he’s not the type to try to make a move or anything – he’s a slow mover beyond being friends, which is a good thing for me right now.  But yeah, I just thought it was funny because he and I watched one of the Harry Potter movies over here at my place and he was like sitting on one end of the couch and I was on the other end lol.

Of course, what was funny to me is how we started sitting on opposite sides of the couch like that and then by the end of the movie we were sitting next to each other lol.  Although I kept putting things in between us and then he kept moving them so they weren’t in between us. 

Like we started out and I put the remote controls in between us and then he moved them.  Then I got up and got some popcorn and treats and put them in between us when the movie was about halfway through and the popcorn and treats stayed between us for a while.  Then one time when I was holding the popcorn bowl in between us and there wasn’t hardly any popcorn left, he took the bowl and moved it.  Then we just sat for a little while with nothing between us and then I put my can of chocolate sticks in between us and they stayed in between us until the end of the movie lol.

Anyway, I just thought it was kind of funny.  Oh my heck and then when we were sitting in the car talking for a minute there were these guys in the apartments watching us out the window and they were all yelling at us out their windows.  They were all going woo woo and doing their catcalls and wolf whistle crap and I was just shaking my head because I was like what is it with people that they think you’re making out if you sit in the car with someone and talk for a few minutes – geez :p.

So, it was another fun and interesting time with Cory again lol.

Freakin Emotions

I just looked at the title after I published my last post of “A Ray of Sunshine” and got teary eyed.

It just hit me in a different way, I guess as I thought about the fact that one of my rays of sunshine, my second girl, is turning 22 months old today away from me 😦 waahhh. 

I already got teary eyed and cried a little earlier and wasn’t sure why at first, until I remembered that my second girl’s turning 22 months old today.  I hate that – stupid emotions and blah :p.

I need chocolate, ice cream, pizza or something.  I’m all feeling more down now – geez….waaahh, where’s my crying face when I need it.

I need a hug *pouts*. 

Geez, this is all I need, to cry when I have a cold.