Long Overdue Update…

…I know…since I got pregnant I’ve been not blogging as often as I use to cause I was sick so much and then cause I’ve been a little busier since I’m now a Mommy trying to keep up with things, have relaxation time and take care of my little 8 mo old monkey girl.

It’s amazing how different things are once you’re parenting your own child and I really don’t know how people do it without someone to help them cause I couldn’t do it without my awesome husband and all my family too.

Anyway there’s quite a few things I’ve thought about blogging about or meant to blog about but then I get sidetracked usually by my Lil Monkey or things that need to be done and what not.

So, I’m trying to get things more settled into a routine and all so I still haven’t figured out when or how often I may or may not blog, but it’s still something I plan to do when I can until I get more regular with it and so forth.

Anyway, I love being a mom and not just a birthmom…I love, appreciate and cherish my lil monkey so much more since I had and placed my Lil Bookworm – 9 and Sweet Pea – 7. Being a mom to my Lil Monkey now has reaffirmed to myself that I did the right thing when I placed both my girls…not that I needed the reaffirmation, but it’s been there the same looking at things and how they’ve panned out and how it is for me parenting my baby girl now.

Things with both my girls and each of their families is still really going really good and improving even more lately in our relationships. Hubby and I are planning to meet up and hang out with my 9 yr old’s mom and her new husband sometime hopefully in July. It’s been a little while since we’ve hung out with my 7 yr old’s parents but I recently talked/e-mailed online with both my girls moms and have seen some pics and heard some updates…both my girls and their families have been pretty busy lately too with things though.

I did find out recently that if my 9 yr old’s adad – her mom’s ex – wasn’t such a pain…I would most likely be seeing my 9 yr old in person and having a bit more of a one on one relationship with her already but cause of him being dumb I haven’t seen my 9 yr old in person just yet. I have talked to my 9 yr old online every so often and I know from her telling me and her mom telling me that my 9 yr old really wants to and would love to see me, hang out with me and so forth, but her adad – the ex had it put into their divorce agreement that he’s suppose to be able to know about all communication between myself and my 9 yr old and here’s where he makes things a little complicated….he had it put in their divorce agreement that if my 9 yr old’s mom invites me over to see/hang out with my 9 yr old without him knowing he’ll try to get her (the amom) put into contempt so he has to okay it/give his permission or at least know about it or something for me to be able to see my 9 yr old so yeah he’s being dumb.

But it’s only a matter of time before I’ll see my 9 yr old no matter what the adad is doing or not doing, ya know…it’s only a matter of time before I’ll see both my girls and start having more one on one relationships with them. It’ll happen when it’s meant to no matter what the adad or whoever does or doesn’t do, ya know.

So, yeah other than that I’m taking free online classes in subjects that interest me, working on doing better with diet/exercise and balancing everything and keeping in touch with both my girls and their families.

I’m also feeling more like myself again even though I’m a mom now and things were thrown out of wack for a while and they’re still not all back to normal but getting there and getting to and accepting the new normal with being a mom and parenting my first now. It’s all good…my 8 month old just started crawling about a week ago on the day she turned 8 months old and she’s really getting the hang of moving now and eating all sorts of new things in addition to still having her bottles and such. She has two bottom teeth and is working on cutting two top teeth now and she weighs 18 lbs right now and she’s still pretty tall for her age and she reminds me a lot of myself and my 7 yr old in how she looks/acts/personality sometimes too.

So, yeah things are good and not perfect of course but we’re working on things and slowly but surely getting the hang of it all with some days being better than others but then that’s how life usually goes :D.


I’ve been ‘missing’ from blogland…

but here I am again checking in. I’ve had an interesting year so far with the pregnancy and everything else in life. There’s just too much that’s gone on…it seems like and at the same time…the same old, same old…anyway…I don’t know how often I’ll be blogging or what this blog may or may not be morphing into here…but I’ll try to get back into blogging on a somewhat more regular basis along with getting back to a more regular life routine again in this next year.

I make no promises about my blogging right now though since I just had my baby girl…she’s 2 weeks old tomorrow and I’m still in the early recovery stages and figuring out life/back to a more normal routine with hubby and a baby now.

It’s definitely very different having a baby and raising them instead of placing them…that much is obvious already and it’s a great thing too. I’ve been thinking of blogging for a little bit now but didn’t know what to say so there’s still more I’ll probably say another time or something, but for now this post will have to do for an update here.

I didn’t have the easiest pregnancy with how sick I was on and off and everything and then because Lil Miss Wiggles decided she wasn’t going to fully cooperate so she was breech and I had to have a C-section…it’s an interesting story/experience the way it happened really…but I’ll do that detailed story another time.

She’s adorable and gorgeous and melts your heart…she’s already the one ‘in charge’ of me and her Daddy over here right now…at least for now she is. We’re definitely smitten with her and despite the ups/downs and all of this year etc…we’re a little happy family now…we’ve started into the official family stage now and it’s not always going to be easy and it’s definitely an adjustment for us, but it’s so worth it.

As for the adoption front, I had a good long talk with my 8 yr old’s amom just a couple weeks before Lil Wiggles was born and either at the end of this month of November or in December, Hubby and I are going to schedule to hang out/meet up with my 8 yr old’s mom and hubby that she just married in June since she divorced the adad a while back as you may remember. Also we’re going to schedule to hang out/meet up with my 6 yr old’s parents…my 6 yr. old is turning 7 this month if you can believe that, I know it blows my mind that she’s turning 7 and the other will be turning 9 in March of this next year.

So, things on the adoption front are still going pretty good and improving with the scheduling to meet up with my 6 yr old’s parents so they can see our Lil Miss Wiggles, which we’ve hung out with them as often as possible before, but the big step is for us meeting up for the first time with my 8 yr old’s mom and new hubby…cause it will be the first time I’ve seen my 8 yr. old’s mom in 8 years and the first time I’ve met this new hubby of hers and the first time she’ll meet my hubby too…so we’re excited and nervous…but moving toward some more openness with meeting up with both my girls aparents is what I want to help our relationships and for when my girls start having more one on one interaction with me through e-mail/talking/meeting me or what have you.

So, yes my life’s been a little crazy and up and down recently this past year and my whole life’s been totally up and down and never quite what I planned, but it’s all worked out to this point and it will all work out in the end, otherwise it’s not the end…at least I think that’s how that saying goes.

But I would do my life the exact same even with all the crappy parts and the heartache and the hard times all over again and again because of the happy parts and the awesome parts and the rewards for going through the hard time and because it was all worth it to end up here with my awesome, amazing Hubby and my adorable angel baby girl that’s here with me now all the time always and forever :).

ETA: Forgot to say the stats for Lil Miss Wiggles birth…she was born on Oct. 24, 2011 at 6:45 p.m. She weighed 8 lbs 2 oz and was 20 in long. She’s healthy and doing really well. She just had her 2 wk well baby check up this past Friday and has gained 3 oz. and grown 1/2 inch in about 2 wks and everything checks out with her and so far everything checks out with me for my progress at 2 wks of recovering from the C-section…no infection or anything wrong with the incision and it’s healing nicely…no stitches, I had staples, which they removed in the hospital and then put glue and tape- the steri-strip tape stuff on it and the Dr. took the tape off of it when he checked me out after we finished the 2 wk checkup on baby. Lil Wiggles has her next appt in 6 wks and mine for my 6 wk last check up until I’m pregnant again or need to see the Dr. again is in about a month to make sure I’m done healing and everything’s good to go all the way back to normal again for now. So things are going as they should with my healing/recovering and our adjusting with baby and all and we’re good :).

Lookie Here!

I can blog from my phone now too if I want!  Wheee, this is too much fun, all this playing and figuring out my new android phone!

So yeah I’m just a little hyper and having fun with my new gadget toy here lol.

Hope everyone’s having fun =).

Little update on life etc…

I know, I’ve been slacking in writing/blogging and so forth…but life changes when you finally move into your own place and have to figure things out and all, ya know.

It’s a little different being married and living alone, just the two of you in your own place and working things out how you want them to, with who does what and taking care of cooking, cleaning and upkeep in your place and money and all that fun stuff of life. Then there’s planning your life out more together and figuring out kids and so many details…and so forth and no, we’re not having any kids yet…but hopefully that won’t be too much farther off in the future here :).

I’m doing good and we’re doing good even though I haven’t written in a while and we’ve got most things figured out, but some are still in the process and then well, it’s just married life…keeping up with everything, ya know. I stay home and play, cook sometimes (he does more cooking than me lately, but that changes from time to time) and I try to keep up with the exciting world of doing all the fun stuff like cleaning and all the general upkeep of the place and taking care of the birdie…nothing majorly exciting, but it all takes time and effort…sometimes more than others and is a regular part of life – wheee, what fun, I know. So, I have the fun although at times it can be a little boring role of being the stay at home person right now…but that is also because that’s more what I want to do for the most part right now and cause with planning/hoping to have kids soon…I want to be home for that.

Anyway, enough rambling of my exciting life lol. Other than that and him going to work and school right now, not much to tell. We did get an Xbox and a pretty nice new TV that we’ve been having fun with though.

My exciting news, the real fun stuff, that’s recent though is that things are still going really well with me and my two girls and their families. We’re planning to get together for game night with one of my girls parents and I’m friends on FB with both my girls adoptive moms. I talked just a week or two ago on FB chat with both my girls adoptive moms and actually got to chat a little with one of my girls, the one that will turn 7 soon said Hi and talked to me a little bit on FB chat with her mom there helping and talking with us, but that was totally cool especially when my soon to be 7 yr old told me how she wants to see me someday to meet me and all – how cool is that :D. Oh and when I told my 5 yr. old’s mom about the chat with my soon to be 7 yr. old and her mom…my 5 yr. old’s mom asked me if I would like to talk/chat to my 5 yr. old sometime and I was like, of course, I would…if my 5 yr. old wants to talk to me and her mom/family is okay with it that is…so my 5 yr. old’s mom told me she really liked the idea and is thinking of talking to my 5 yr. old either now or later on about talking to me on chat or something like that, which I think is so cool. Of course, I totally love both my girls adoptive moms, they are both so awesome and I’m really good friends with them…it’s just so cool how I can talk and connect so well with both my girls moms, ya know. Anyway, that was my recent exciting news on the adoption front of my life I had to share =).

Little Update on My Visit…The beginning of transitioning from semi-open to more open…

with my 4 1/2 yr. old’s parents…it was on Saturday afternoon, May 16, at their house.

Okay so I went to the jewelry show at their house and it was a really good experience/visit for us . Hubby went with me cause he really wanted to meet them and wants to be involved and is very supportive of it all too.

If I had to sum it up in one word…I’d say it was ‘wild’, I guess…cause it was good, but it was also a little weird, but mostly just different and not what I expected while being what I expected at the same time, if any of that makes any sense lol .

The thing I keep saying when I talk to family/friends about it…is that the weirdest thing about it all…is that it wasn’t that weird at all. It was the weirdest thing because it was so normal and natural to me – being there with Hubby and all of us and the way we interacted.

It felt like I was coming home…to another part of my family…I just felt like I fit right in and that Hubby fit in as well too. It was just really great and we had a lot of fun talking and hanging out etc. for 2 hours or so and then talked about our plans to go out for lunch too and what not.

There was a few minutes I kinda freaked out and felt sorta like I couldn’t breathe so well though. It was when we’d been there for a little bit and my 4 1/2 yr. old’s mom was like oh I better go get her from the neighbors and she left to go get her and Hubby and I were sitting there going uh what do we do? We were like should we stay or not cause we weren’t sure if we should be there when my 4 1/2 yr old was going to show up back with her mom…but we didn’t want to leave without saying bye etc. to her mom…so we waited for a few min and then the door opened and I slowly turned to look as my 4 1/2 yr old’s mom comes walking back in (I was reminding myself to breathe lol).

Anyway, she walks back in and is all well, I went to get her and she was sitting watching “Beauty and the Beast” and eating a popsicle and she was like why are you here and didn’t want to come home yet…so she didn’t bring my 4 1/2 yr. old back home since she wanted to finish watching the movie and eating her popsicle so then I was like to myself, okay I can breathe again lol.

Then we sat and talked with her and everyone there, who was mostly family who knew about me for a while longer. She also showed me a little tour of their house and we went in and looked around at my 4 1/2 yr. old’s room and stuff too.

So, another part/different stage in the whole friendship/relationship with more openness in my adoption world has begun with one of the families…and we’ll see where things go…and then how long/when I’ll take this step with my 6 yr. old and her family…and then when I’ll start seeing both my girls and having one on one time or what not…it’s all a WILD ride…and I’ve been processing a lot since hanging out with them on Saturday and coming thatclose to seeing my 4 1/2 yr old for what would have been the first time since I placed her…it’s all really great and all…but it can also be a little overwhelming.

I’m beginning to get a glimpse and some more understanding of what all the people mean when they explain visits, their relationships etc., who have been in totally open adoptions from the beginning…and I know I still haven’t seen either of my girls…yet…but I’m starting to get more of an idea of what it’s like and what all the open adoption people mean when they talk about their visits and everything.

I also realized that my 4 1/2 yr. old’s family is just an ordinary fun and normal family…I mean I realized…I’d had them up on a pedestal so to speak in my mind, but then hanging out with them I realized…they’re just like me…they’re no better and no worse…they’re just another normal family and the only difference is that they were ready and meant to be my 4 1/2 yr. old’s parents and I wasn’t ready or meant to raise her, but neither of us is better than the other…it was kind of like another level of a light bulb turning on for me regarding how both them and the parents/family of my 6 yr. old aren’t any better or worse than me…and I’m not any better or worse than them because I made the choices I did or placed my girls with either of them…I don’t know…does that make any sense…anyway just some of my thoughts/feelings about the visit since I’ve had a few days to process now :).

Oh…and another thing…it helped reinforce once again…that I did the right thing when I placed my 4 1/2 yr. old and also my 6 yr. old and that they are where they are suppose to be with their families and I am where I am suppose to be in my life right now too…it wasn’t that I needed it reinforced, but it was there just the same and it was a really AWESOME time hanging out and talking with them.

I’m excited to go out to lunch with my 4 1/2 yr. old’s mom on May 28 now too and excited about this new door being opened and this new stage of openness with us and how our relationship is going to continue to evolve …I’m really excited about the future of my friendship/relationship with my 4 1/2 yr. old’s mom, my girl and their whole family – they’re all really COOL people that I connect with really well :D.

Weird, how things happen, isn’t it?

Okay, I’m freaking out a little right now…in a way that I’m sitting here calmly while inside I’m shrieking and reminding myself to breathe lol.

I was just doing stuff around the house and left the room and came back in and found a message popped up on my Facebook chat from my 4 1/2 yr. old’s mom that said, hey, do ya wanna come to my jewelry show on Saturday, as in this Saturday at her house and I let out a high pitched squeal so Hubby asked what was up so I told him and he started laughing at me :p.

Anyway, so looks like Hubby and I are going to drop by to say Hi at their house on this Saturday around noon. I’m going to stay for an hour or two for her jewelry party/show and to talk or whatever, but Hubby’s not sure if he’ll stay or just meet her, say Hi and then go and come back to pick me up later or what, but yeah I’m freakin out a little here.

My 4 1/2 yr. old won’t be there, she’ll be next door at their neighbors, but still…that came as a total surprise to me and me with my brain and freakin out here was thinking a little bit ago…what if my 4 1/2 yr. old is outside playing, what if she comes home early or for an emergency or something…what if for some reason I did see my 4 1/2 yr. old when I go over to their house for the jewelry show this Saturday and then I was like and so what…if she’s okay with it and would like me to come then I go and if I saw my 4 1/2 yr. old, then I’d deal with it (emotionally speaking mostly), but chances are high with the way our relationship is going that I’ll be seeing my 4 1/2 yr. old before too long at any rate anyway.

And ya know, if it was my 6 yr. old and she knew I was coming, she wouldn’t go to the neighbors house cause she’d most likely want to see me, but this is my 4 1/2 yr. old and she doesn’t quite understand or get the concept the same way as my 6 yr. old yet. Anyway, my 4 1/2 yr. old won’t be at the house so if it happened, it would just be on accident/by chance.

It Was a Good Mother’s Day This Year =)!!!

I had one of the best Mother’s Days this year around. For the first time in quite a while, I didn’t really dwell on it being Mother’s Day and what I was missing out on with not being with my two girls I placed or having mixed and hard feelings like I often do in association with the holiday known as Mother’s Day.

So, I’m making progress…still…in life and with healing etc. after having placed my two girls. That’s not to say that I didn’t think about either of my girls and their families because I did…it’s just to say that I enjoyed time with my husband and his parents since we went to visit his mom, who is awesome by the way, for Mother’s Day.

I had a good, fun and relaxing day and wondered about my girls and their families and what I’d get from them, but I didn’t get down or angry or have mixed feelings about it…not that that part of my emotions in regard to my girls and all will completely go away, but it’s progress for me. And it was nice, in a way, to just enjoy and be happy and not even really think about the fact that it was Mother’s Day this year…I mean, ya know what I mean =p.

I did just get a package and a card from my 6 yr. old and her family today/yesterday. The package was a book from her family and the card was from my 6 yr. old – she wrote a little note and signed her name and her parents signed their names too. I was just really excited cause I got pictures with the card and she wrote the note, wrote she loves me and signed her name all herself – pretty cool, don’t ya think :D.

I haven’t got anything specific from my 4 1/2 yr. old and her family yet, but I’m friends with her mom on Facebook so we have posted and talked with each other recently =). She’ll be getting her Mother’s Day present from me today and when I talked to her a few days ago, she was still trying to decide about Mother’s Day gifts…all I want/need is pictures of my 4 1/2 yr old…I’m not hard to please that way :D. We’re also planning to talk and see if we can get together and hang out so good stuff there.

My hubby got recommended for a promotion at work too and I’m going to get a Kindle – YAY, hopefully, soon and then we’re getting a lot closer to be able to moving out on our own soon – finally – hopefully sooner than we think. For the time being…to make things a little better…my parents are going away…out of town…for a couple weeks…leaving in the next day or two – YAY! Then around the time my parents come back into town…we’re going out of town again for 4-5 days to a fancy hotel for our one year anniversary, if you can believe we’ve been married that long already – YAY!

Then we’re probably going to end up going back to visit his parents again in a while and I’m planning to go and finally meet/hang out with a friend in Phoenix, AZ area this summer, as soon as we move out, then my hubby says I can leave and do whatever I want…but I can’t leave him alone while we’re leaving here with my scary mom in the house lol…which for more than just that reason…I wouldn’t want to go until we’ve moved out too though.

Anyway, lots of things happening and good stuff going on here…oh and I guess I should post some of this to the family blog we have ha ha. Hubby is also going to be going back to school online this fall…that’s pretty much for sure…and I’ll be applying and seeing if I can start back to school online this fall too and stuff…so we’ve been busy with life and getting things to happen…which, they’re finally starting to happen now – YAY!

And if you couldn’t tell…I’m a little hyped up right now…cause hubby just came home from work and told me about his promotion recommendation and just before that I got the cool Mother’s Day card from my 6 yr old. with pictures and now I’m typing all this getting excited about life and things happening and all lol.

Side note here…sitting here typing and a bird just kinda crashed/bumped into the window and then flew off lol.

And you thought I might have disappeared…ha ha

Well, sorry to disappoint you, but I’m still here.  I just haven’t felt like blogging a whole lot and been busy with married life and just life in general for the past few months.

Anyway, can you believe I’ve been married for 3 months already now?  Where does the time go?  I’ve been thinking about and have discussed with the hubby about having a family blog for ourselves separate from this blog of mine and so in the next few  months or so after we move out or maybe a little before we move out…we’ll probably set up more of a family blog for ourselves.  Ooo, isn’t it exciting…branching out into the big ol’ blog world with a family blog for hubby and I lol.

So, let’s see, what to write…I’ve been working on and doing the Wii Fit still to try to tone and get in better shape as well as possibly/hopefully losing some weight.

I’ve been reading lots…I read the last Twilight book and finished that series – LOVED it, of course.  I also have been reading the Dresden Files series and really enjoy them also.  I’ve also read “The Host” by Stephenie Meyers, Fablehaven series by Brandon Mull and a few others.  I’m almost done reading the last Harry Potter book, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” and I have “The Looking Glass Wars” to read and I’m getting quite a list of books lately.

I went and visited my family recently because I had to take care of some things and stayed up there with them for a week and then came back.  Hubby didn’t go since he was working at the local computer store.

We also went on a weekend to Southern Utah to check out places to work/live and go to school earlier this summer and had to fix an issue with my car before we could drive back…that was lots of fun ha ha – not.  We’ve actually been back and forth between down here by Lake Powell and Southern Utah this summer trying to figure things out with work/school and apartments.

I still get spoiled rotten by hubby and he doesn’t demand or expect me to do everything myself.  He still continues to love and accept me for me as well as accept my girls.  His family is also great about my two girls and his mom likes to hear about them also.  His mom even asked me for the most recent photos of my two girls and has put them up on her fridge and says she has no problem with claiming them as her grandchildren as well.  I think it’s really cool that she’s like that, ya know.

My 5 yr old just started kindergarten about 2 weeks ago, if you can believe it.  They just wrote me last week updating me on life etc. and sent me a picture of my 5 yr old on her first day at kindergarten.  She’s so adorable, of course, and getting to be so big now.  My 5 yr old typed or I should say attempted to type me a paragraph in this last e-mail last week, which turned out to be mostly nonsense, but then her mom translated it for me to my 5 yr old wanting to tell me about her first day at kindergarten and all.

It really was cute, special and neat that my 5 yr old wanted to type/tell me about her first day at kindergarten and stuff.  It also really hit home more about how she and my (soon to be) 4 yr old are really starting to understand and realize more who I am and that I’m an important part of their lives.

And so, I think that about sums things up for now.  I’m sure there’s quite a bit more I could say and catch up on, but I gotta go do dinner and possibly game time with hubby.  Plus I’m a bit more tired than I usually am today so I’m not sure how coherent this will come out if I try to write much more…who knows maybe this didn’t come out that coherent anyway lol.

So, life goes on and I’ll update again later…hopefully sooner than 3 months from now this time around :).

Guess What?! Cool News Alert!

I just got an e-mail from my 3 1/2 yr old’s mom in response to the last e-mail I sent a week ago and she updated me on my 3 1/2 yr old etc. plus she said a few things that got me a little excited and hopeful for the future and a little more openness with us in the future.

She told me in the e-mail that she was going to come to my wedding reception but had a conflict with other plans but wanted me to know she was seriously planning to come because she thinks I might enjoy visiting with her once in a while – EEKK!!! I mean, I know it’s not her saying I’ll come with the family including my b-daughter with her to visit, but it’s progress.

We had discussed having visits/phone calls when/if we felt comfortable with it just between us as in the adults – between my 3 1/2 yr old’s parents and myself and now my hubby and now it’s sounding like that’s something that maybe happening sooner than I thought which will help our relationship more and then help with the basis for when my 3 1/2 yr old is older and wants to see me or what not.

She also told me in the e-mail that she wants me to let her know when I’m back in Utah/the area because she wants to see me and meet my hubby. I’ve just been staring at the e-mail reading it over and over for the last little while and pinched myself cause I wasn’t sure I was reading that for real that she’s talking about and wanting to do another step of openness with visiting with me and meeting my hubby and talking about how she thinks it would be fun for us to see each other and visit once in a while.

I don’t know…I’m just like EEEEKKK!!! I’m just a little excited about it and the possibilities this will start to open up with our relationship in the future, ya know and for the possibilities that this will open up for me in the future with my 3 1/2 yr old too.

Things are definitely progressing in the right direction for openness with both my girl’s families, but I’m a little ahead with the openness level with my 3 1/2 yr old’s family than my 5 yr old’s family, but I have a feeling that will change in a while too.

I just had to share, because it may not be me saying I’m going to see one of my girls, but it is me saying when we’re back in the area/get a chance I will be seeing my 3 1/2 yr old’s parents – at least for sure will be seeing her mom and I’m excited about that prospect because she and I are close and we have both wanted to be more open and visit with at least each other but have been holding off until we were both in a place with life etc. where we felt it could work.

Anyway, something kind of exciting I had to share with you all :D.

Today is My Wedding!!!

Yep, I can’t believe it either…but today I’m getting married…for the second time technically…but for the first time as far as it really mattering in the long run.

I’m freaking out, but hopefully everything will work out and go fine.

I’ll update with pics etc. in a couple weeks or so after we’re back from the honeymoon and a little more settled into our new lives as newlyweds in the place we’ll be living in AZ.

Hope everyone’s doing good!