Protected: How Did I Get So Lucky?

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Stay Tuned…

I have a lot on my mind…tons lately and have talked and talked about it all…but was thinking I should sit and write some if not all of these thoughts, happenings etc. down so stay tuned cause I’ll be writing a bit within this next week, I think.

I’d write a whole lot more right now…but it’s really late or whatever you want to say and I should get some sleep before I have to get up for work soon :p.

I just have had a whirlwind happen in my life for the past 2-3 weeks it seems and there’s a lot to say etc. with one relationship having ended and another one having begun and the difference between them or rather how different the one that’s begun is than the one that ended.  Then there’s A’s b-day coming up in March…she’ll be 5 years old already that filters in with everything and all the emotions plus a few other things, but yeah so you have an idea of all that I have on my mind lately that I probably should write all down as soon as possible within this week.

Anyway, gotta catch a little bit of sleep so nite nite for now :p.

More Changes =)

Okay so I haven’t written in a while again…I know…but anyway let’s see if I can give a readers digest version and then fill in details etc. later on.

Things haven’t been going too well for a while with the boy and I and we’ve been fighting a lot lately.  He won’t commit, propose or make a decision with me and marriage and I’m tired of waiting for him after I feel like I’ve been waiting and trying to work through things with him for the past year and nothing has been changing like it needs to.

Anyway, long story short although I’m sure I’ll fill you in on more later…I talked to him just the other night and told him we needed to take a break because I needed space and time away from him and so forth.  Then he said well that’s fine, but I don’t think we should set a time so the terminology that was used is that we’re on a break for an indefinite amount of time to think about things.  We’re going to go about living our own lives, doing our own thing, hang out with who we want, do what we want and start dating other people too.  Eventually we’ll talk again to say this is what I think and here’s your stuff or what I want to do is this etc., but I honestly don’t think we’re going to get back together and have it work.

So, yeah anyway that’s a basic update and then I’ve already hung out/gone out with another guy since going on break and been in a good mood and a lot happier since starting this break for an indefinite amount of time.  I also have another guy besides the one I hung out with that I like that likes me that I’m hoping to date and he’s so cute…yeah so more to come like I said.

I have a lot to say but not enough time to say it in right now so that’s what I’ll say for now and update more later =).  I’m just really happy right now, which tells me right there that I did the right thing in regards to the boy and our relationship.

Another Pic of Us

Originally uploaded by SimplyAnne.

Here’s another pic of us from Thanksgiving when we were laughing :). I think we look pretty happy and cute together, what do ya think?

Oh and also when I look at myself in these pics, I don’t think I’ve ever seen myself look happier or anything than in these pics. Cool, huh.

Edited to add: I was just reminded by my parents that we’re laughing like this in this picture because Cory made a comment about wanting me to show my left hand in the picture so everyone would know that we weren’t engaged yet.  My Dad made a comment about Cory saying the word yet there and started teasing us so that’s why we all were laughing in this picture :).

Here We Are…

Originally uploaded by SimplyAnne.

Well, here’s the long awaited and promised picture of the boyfriend for all my friends and others out there who’ve been wanting to see what he looks like.

We look pretty cute, huh lol :). I got my parents to take a picture of us on Thanksgiving just so I could share the pictures with all my friends and you guys here plus the families of my daughters have been wanting a picture of him too so here it finally is :).

Just to Let Ya Know

The other night, Saturday night, he and I finally told each other we love each other :).

Yeah, I finally said it out loud to him and he said it back so now we’ve told each other we love each other a few times :D.

So yep we say “I love you” to each other now instead of “I *blank* you” lol, although sometimes we might still joke about that.  We haven’t said “I love you” a lot, don’t want to wear it out lol ;), but we have said it out loud to each other now.

Just thought I’d share that info with ya all :).

How is it possible?

That I could love someone so much like I do.  I don’t know how to explain or describe it, but I love him so much. 

It’s like I love him so much it hurts, I love him so much it’s hard to breathe and I love him so much I get so overwhelmed and feel like I’m drowning in the strength and intensity of this love I have for him.  I mean how does this happen and how is it possible to feel this way and love someone so much and so intensely as I do him.

It’s like my heart feels like it’s going to burst or something because of how strong, how much and intense this love is and continues to be as it keeps growing, changing and evolving over time here.  I was looking at him tonight and completely overwhelmed with this love I feel for him. 

I remember looking at him and thinking how cute he was, how lucky I’ve been feeling and how amazing it is how everything’s happened with us.  I was just gazing at him and thinking about how much I love him and wondering if he knows or can he feel how much I love him because I don’t think that words do justice for how I love him so.

I’m So Intertwined…

I’m finding that I feel more intertwined with him with each day that passes if that makes any sense.

I was trying to explain this to my Dad the other day, but I didn’t know how to because it’s hard to explain or put in words, if ya know what I mean.

It’s just like okay so the other day, I had him go with me to this class field trip thing I did where we went to some church and walked a pattern on the floor.  It was interesting and kind of…dumb…well…I don’t know…it was just one of those interesting, weird experiences that you have sometimes.

We were suppose to go walk this pattern on the floor and start it with a purpose, question or something.  Then supposedly when you were done walking the pattern on the floor, you were suppose to have an answer or have gotten some peace out of it.  It’s suppose to be some form of walking meditation or something like that.

Anyway, I don’t know that I really went and walked the pattern with any specific purpose or question in mind.  I just kind of went into it seeing if it would give me any peace or de-stress me at all and I just like let my thoughts wander as I walked this pattern on the floor. 

The interesting thing was that I did kind of de-stress a little and such, but the thing I noticed the most when doing this walk the pattern thing was to do with my boy.  It’s just, okay, we walked it all in like single file so I didn’t walk it with him or holding his hand like he kind of wanted to and I did too, but since we were in this class setting, I just did the walk the pattern singly like the rest of them.

While I walked the pattern, I kept passing him as I was walking and we’d brush hands or grab pinky fingers for a little bit as we walked past each other and then let go again.  And well, I found myself being more aware of him when he wasn’t with me, next to me, holding my hand as we were walking this pattern separately.

I mean it’s like I’m okay when he’s not with me and I’m going to school, studying and doing my stuff most of the time, right.  It’s just that I don’t always miss him a lot, although okay I do sometimes probably more than not, cause we usually talk or see each other like all the time, but while we were walking this pattern not holding hands or next to each other, I felt like I missed him. 

It’s like I missed him even more cause he was near me and I could have been holding his hand or next to him, but I wasn’t and it’s like I realized how much I’m becoming connected and intertwined with him, the more we get to know each other, talk, spend time together and everything.  I was trying to think how to say it the other day and I didn’t know how to say it.  I still don’t know really how to say it, but it’s like I was realizing how it makes me feel more complete with him, but it’s like I don’t know that complete is the right word, but I haven’t thought of the word I’m looking for or a better one than that yet when I’ve tried to think about it so far.

It’s a feeling that I don’t exactly know how to describe or put into words very well.  It’s more than just being in love or loving him too, it’s something that goes deeper in a way and is more to do with heart, soul and everything and not just heart.  I don’t know how to explain it here, it’s more like something very deep to do with souls…I’ll just leave it at that for now cause I don’t want to get too deep or philosophical with this just now or yet.

Part of it is that it just feels right and everything seems to fit so far and I feel peaceful about it all.  I mean I’m at peace about him and our relationship so far and all, if ya know what I mean.  It’s just like I said before after we’d hung out together one night…  

About how when we were sitting there together next to each other, holding hands with my head on his shoulder and his head on mine, it was like we fit.  I mean like our bodies and everything just felt like we fit together like puzzle pieces and it just felt so natural, normal, comfortable and right that we were with each other and fit together sitting together like that.

I don’t know how to explain it really or how I was feeling about that, but maybe some of you know what I’m trying to say here.  It was just that I felt like I was…in a sense…home.

And now I feel even more like I’m…in a sense…home.  That feeling that I described above in those two paragraphs from before is the same feeling now too except even more so and somewhat stronger of a feeling now too.

It’s wild and I still keep pinching myself here, but like tonight when I was with him I kept thinking to myself that I can’t believe how much I love him.  It isn’t fading at all that’s for sure, it just keeps growing and I keep finding that I love him so much more each time.

Well and it’s like I’m scared of how much I care and how much I love him and how it keeps changing, evolving and growing here.  I also find it harder to breathe with how much I love him, if that makes any sense at all.  It’s overwhelming to me how I feel so much and so strongly about him and everything and how it keeps getting to be more and stronger when I keep thinking the feeling couldn’t possibly get to be more or any stronger.

I keep wondering when I’ll say those 3 words to him out loud.  I know I will one of these days, but not sure when yet and I’m afraid I won’t be able to say them because of how overwhelming the feeling is becoming, if ya know what I mean. 

Well and I don’t know if saying those 3 words out loud will do what I feel justice either.  I mean it’s like it says in the song Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol, …those 3 words, I’ve said too much and not enough… that’s what I find myself thinking about when I think about saying those 3 words out loud.

We’ll see what happens and it’ll happen when I’m ready to say it and when I can say it too…just not right now…at least not yet anyway.

I’m the Lucky One

Faith Hill
The Lucky One

So hot outside all I can wear
is these cut off overalls
and these sandals on my feet.
But I emptied my pockets for a bus ticket
so I could sit there on a broken seat
I got no place I should go
I got no worries you know
Second or seventh street,
it doesn’t matter to me.

’cause you’re mine
that’s all I need to know
the sunshine’s everywhere we go
it’s so right ‘cause I’ve got you to hold
every night yeah
I’m the lucky one.
I’m the lucky one.

Well I pulled back down to
my upstreet apartment
and the air never works in that old place
twenty-seven and I thought I’d
be further along
than just this rented space.
I got no papers to read
I got no cable TV
and I got no places to be
I got no people to meet

’cause you’re mine
that’s all I need to know
the sunshine’s everywhere we go
it’s so right ‘cause I’ve got you to hold
every night yeah
I’m the lucky one.
I’m the lucky one.

I’m on a roll
when I’m with you
don’t stop me now
I just can’t lose

’cause you’re mine
that’s all I need to know
the sunshine’s everywhere we go
it’s so right ‘cause I’ve got you to hold
every night yeah
I’m the lucky one.
I’m the lucky one.

The other day when I was putting together my playlist of songs to put on my myspace page, I found this song by Faith Hill and I love it.

This song describes how I feel about being lucky to have Cory in my life and how I feel about him and everything.  I mean there’s lots of songs I have that describe how I feel because of him, how I feel about him and how I feel about life in general lately, but this song says it all for me right now =).

I wanted to put this song on audio on here, but couldn’t find a video that I could put of it on here so I just have the lyrics for now.  Well and if you’ve listened to my songs on my myspace page then you’ve heard this song from there too =).

Hope everyone else is doing good too =).