Update: Things Are Starting to Look Up

Okay that ticks me off…I don’t know what happened, but I had a whole post written out and went to publish it and the computer lost it. I thought it had saved at least part or most of what I’d written, but when I pulled it back up I couldn’t find my post anywhere so I’m annoyed.

To sum up what I had written for an update here, I have a job now that I started this past Monday. I’m still trying to adjust to getting up early and working during the day, but it should be a good experience for me. I’ll be working as a teacher’s assistant for a study skills class in a high school so I’ll have nights, weekends and school holidays off so that will be good.

Since I’ll be working during the day as a TA at the high school, I’m thinking of planning to talk to an advisor at my college next week and taking a couple classes in the afternoon/evenings. But yeah that’s the plan to work during the day and take a couple classes in the afternoons/evenings now. I’m also looking to move out since the places I mentioned before that I was going to move out to – the deals fell through and I have a few places I’ve been looking at, but haven’t decided on anything for sure…anyway I’m hoping to move out within the next little while now that I’ve got a job.

Okay I wrote the above a few days ago or so…so the new update as of new is that I’ve been a little busy and fallen behind some with my blog here as usual…but I did have a whole update post typed up and then it got lost.  I’ve been trying to post this actual post I’m writing now to update a few times for the past few days now and been frustrated with my post getting lost so hopefully this time it will actually work for once.

I’ve worked one week at this Teacher’s Assistant job and it’s pretty boring…I feel like I just sit around and “babysit” high school students/watch them study.  I am suppose to be in this study skills class to help and I don’t feel like they really need me there that much plus I work with 3 teachers and two of them – the guy teachers have both asked me twice in this past week that I’ve worked there what exactly my job is because they aren’t sure what to have me do.  I told them I don’t know exactly what my job is because on  my first day at the little orientation – the office/admin people told me they didn’t know what to really tell me about my job and that the teachers would tell me then two of these three teachers are like what’s your job so I don’t know.  I’m not too impressed or thrilled with this job anymore after this first week…besides I want to move out to an apartment which is not in the same area as this job so I’m not planning on staying with this job for very long.

I have an appointment to go meet with an apartment office on Monday afternoon to hopefully get a place with them since the others I’ve tried with talking to the people selling their contracts or what not have all fallen through so far.  I decided to try talking to the office people for the apartments instead of the people to see if this will work out better for me to get a place with them and not have it fall through for once so I can move out – the sooner the better here.

Also since I’ve decided this current Teachers Assistant position isn’t really for me and not that close to where I’m looking to move soon, I’m still looking for a job that’s more my thing or would work better for me to be able to go to school and work with then this one would.  I’ve had a few calls and a couple interviews this past week, but most of them picked someone else to hire, but I found lots more to apply to and all today and I received an e-mail today about an interview for another job that’s more what I want to go into type of position with working at a residential treatment center possibly so I have quite a few jobs I’m looking into and applying too and hoping will work out better than this TA one I’m doing now.

I looked at classes to see what was available…if I could find what I want/need to start in October for Block classes, but so far I haven’t found much so I’m still planning to go talk to an advisor at college about what they know and suggest in reference to this block classes idea, but it looks like I may end up having to wait until January to get my classes started and all settled again, I guess we’ll see.

So, yeah I’m hanging in there and things are going a little better with figuring out things with the job, apartment, school, boyfriend  and family etc. things that I’ve had going on lately.

I just recently heard from my 2 1/2 yr old’s parents earlier this week, I think it was and need to write them back to say I got the e-mail and thanks…I usually do that right when I get it but this week’s been a little weird and all with the job and everything.  I still haven’t heard from my 4 yr old’s parents since Mother’s Day, but I’ve still been sending and writing regular updates and pics on me and my life to them at least once a month or so and trying to wait patiently for them to write me back.

I’ve been back in counseling a few times and it’s helped me make sure I’m doing, working and thinking through most of these things in a clear headed way, which I need to do.  I/we still have to go into counseling together and work on our communication skills, but we haven’t quite yet because of schedule conflicts and so forth so we’re still working on that one.

So, that’s a little update of what’s been going on in the past month or so now.  I hope everyone else is doing well and having a good one this weekend :).

Wahoo! We’re True Aggies!!!


The Infamous A

Originally uploaded by SimplyAnne.

My boy and I became True Aggies just the other night, Friday night at midnight.  We went, stood around and waited in line with tons of other people until midnight when they explained the ‘True Aggie’ tradition of kissing on ‘The A’ and so forth and then proceeded to direct couples to go stand on The A to kiss and become true aggies.

He and I were one of the first few couples in line and we went up, stood on top of the A and kissed…so we’re True Aggies now – Wahoo!!!  We each got a card stating that we are True Aggies that we filled out that say we stood on the A on this day, Friday, and were kissed at midnight by our significant other etc. and are now known as True Aggies with all the privileges and rights that go with that title etc. and so forth.

Everyone had their pictures taken and the pictures are to go up on the wall of a new True Aggie cafe they’re opening so we can go have a sandwich at the cafe and see our picture of us becoming True Aggies, if we want.  We don’t get to have a copy of the picture though because it was taken to put up in the cafe and not for us, but we did get to have the experience, get the card saying we’re True Aggies and watch others do it.

It was a lot of fun and crazy to see all the people there to become True Aggies.  We felt happy about it afterwards because we were like well now the past year has been worth it since we became True Aggies lol…not to mention that I got the boy…he says he got me…so we got each other and we’re getting married later on this year and some other things that didn’t make the past year up here a total waste, but our becoming True Aggies just added to it not being a waste 😉 lol.

Anyway, that’s what I’ve been up to the past few days, hanging out with the boy, job hunting (still) – but I have been getting some calls now and trying to see if I can set up some interviews for this next week so hopefully one of them will work out plus I have a few other places to apply at that sound like they could be good jobs too.  Also, of course, we went to play miniature golf, saw a movie called “premonition”, which was interesting, if you want to know more about that movie then just ask away.

And of course, as mentioned above, we were up to becoming True Aggies just the other night as well and he’s leaving for his summer job in Cali in about two weeks now, which sucks, but life goes on and we’ll survive until August somehow right and then we’ll be able to get married later on after he gets back.  Man what a fun and interesting summer this may turn out to be – I’m not being sarcastic or anything there ha ha.

Okay well that’s my little check in for now…I have other things to write, say and talk about, but I’ll have to write more later on.

Some News

Well, it’s nothing huge, but my boyfriend and I have pretty much decided that we’re going to leave the University we’ve been attending and transfer back to the other college we were at before, which is a state college that will be most likely changing to a University within the next year or so.

Actually, I already withdrew just before the spring break from the University for a variety of reasons.  That decision was coming for a while now…I wasn’t liking the University much at all here and then I had that experience with that stupid teacher and all.  Then there’s the fact that this University wants us to take more stupid general ed type classes when we already did general ed and had our Associates degrees when we transferred here, but for whatever reason the stupid University was trying to make it so we’d end up adding a year to our school time to get our Bachelors degrees and neither of us like that fact very much plus some other things.

We both like the location, the small town and the people and our church and all up here, but the University, the class size, the teachers, etc., neither of us really are impressed with and liked those things better at our previous college so we’ve pretty much decided to transfer back there this coming fall.  I’ve already been readmitted to the previous college and he’s going to be readmitted and then we’re going to start looking at and signing up for fall classes as soon as we can.  With going back down to our home area and this previous college, we’ll be able to get done sooner with our degrees if we want and have better experience with the classes and teachers and all at that college compared to this University.  Also there is more jobs available down there, I think, then there is up here in this small town with this University so that’s what we’re planning to do for the fall now.

I’ll be looking to try and find a place for us to live that I’ll live in by myself for fall semester so then he can just move in with me after we’re married in December.  I’m also going to be looking for a job/summer job up here now that I’m no longer in school at present, but still trying to stick it out in this apartment until my lease is up in August.  I was planning to look for and get a job/summer job anyway, but I’m just going for it sooner now and not going to be wanting a job for longer than August since I’ll be moving back down home to find a place and go back to the other college for fall semester.

There is always the chance that something might change, but this is what our plans are looking like now and if I don’t find a good job/summer job up here that ends in August then I may have to see about breaking my lease and moving back down to home area sooner to find a job down there instead for the summer.  I’ll have to see how it goes in the next little while here.

I have to pay back some financial aid this week and take care of a few things with selling books back etc. now that the process is finished of my being withdrawn from the University.  Then I have to start looking for a job more, start figuring things out for fall here and there and I’m still in the process of trying to sell my wedding dress on e-bay and figure out ideas and things for the wedding in December.  I know I still have time to take care of some of these things, but these are just things that are coming up, being talked about and we’re starting to discuss and plan more lately.

We have also pretty much decided that we’re planning to get married in the LDS Manti Temple, which you may or may not remember my posting as one of the three choices we were talking about at one point.  We’re also sticking to sometime in December for the Wedding and still figuring out other things and still have plenty of time to plan all that.

He’s still going off to do his summer job in California selling alarm systems to people for about 3 1/2 months and he’ll be leaving the first of May so we’ll be apart working for this summer.  I’m planning to go visit him in California for, hopefully, a week, probably in July sometime to go see him, see Harry Potter 5 with him, see some of Cali and have a break =).  So, things are starting to change and get planned and talked about as time goes on here so things are moving along =).

Discrimination, Slander & So Forth

Alright so I have two posts to write here…so I’ll start with the negative one first and then end with the positive. Okay so first of all, on Tuesday, the day before Valentines…I got a phone call on my cell and they left a message.

So, I check the message and it’s from one of my teachers who says I’ve missed two classes and wants to talk to me about some assignments to tell me what I have or haven’t turned in and what I need to turn in since he’s missing some assignments from my missing those two classes, right. Well, the reason I missed those classes was mainly due to the fact that I transferred into his class after the semester already started because the other class I had planned to take in Social Work didn’t work out for me so I had to find something else last minute and ended up in this Scottish Folklore class.

Anyway, when I get a chance, I call the teacher back on Tuesday and ask him what he’s missing and what do I need to do or rather what does he want me to do, right. He starts telling me what I need to do and turn in so I start writing it down so I can check if I have them or if I’ve already turned them in and they’re perhaps lost or if I need to do them and turn them in, right. Well, he asks me how come I didn’t turn in an assignment from a class when I did go to the class that day, but didn’t turn in the assignment and I sat there trying to remember what had happened that day, if there was a reason I hadn’t turned the assignment in or something and all I could figure is that I had forgotten to bring and turn the assignment in that day so I tell him I must have forgot to turn it in that day.

I usually don’t forget to turn things in or miss things, but sometimes it happens. I mean most people usually forget things, miss classes and assignments sometimes, right. So that’s why I can’t figure out what I said or did to deserve what happened and was told to me next by this teacher.

Okay, back to the conversation, I told him I must have forgot and he totally has a cow…what you forgot?? How could you forget…you can’t forget to turn things in…etc. and I told him I realize I made a mistake in not turning it in and missing these other things because I transferred in late etc., but I’m willing to do the work and turn it in now/tomorrow if you’ll just tell me what I need to do and what not. So, he says okay fine and starts to go back to telling me what he needs me to do and then he stops and asks me if I’m okay and I’m like yes, I’m fine and he says well you sound funny and I’m like I’m fine and he says do you live alone, with roommates or what and I’m like I’m alone…he’s like okay and did you sleep good last night…I was like yes and he’s like well are you sure you’re okay…I’m like yes. He’s like well I’m just trying to understand how you could have forgotten to turn something in and missed this class or etc. and I’m like I already told you about my transferring in late etc. and he says well I’m just wondering if you know what day it is, where you are, are you coherent, are you drunk, are you high and I was like No, I’m not drunk or high, yes I know what day it is and what’s going on.

Then he says are you sure you’ve never had a problem with alcohol, you’re not a recovering alcoholic or anything and I said No I’ve never drank in my entire life and he’s like okay good and then he’s like well I’m just trying to figure out what your problem is with not having turned in some of these things and how you could have forgot to turn something in etc. and I’m like I already told you this as mentioned above. He was hung up on that and kept saying things like this to me on the phone and then it got even better when he said are you sure you don’t have any problem you need help with and I said yes I don’t have a problem and he said are you mentally retarded? I said No and he said, well I’m just wondering…are you sure you don’t have a mental disability or a disorder or something…I say that because I have bipolar disorder that makes things harder for me sometimes and I’m wondering if that’s what your problem is. I was like no, I do not have any disorder, mental problem, disability, handicap or anything wrong mentally and he was like and you’re sure you’re not drunk or anything like that either and I said No I’m not.

He’s like I just don’t understand how you could have forgot and missed these assignments etc. and I was just quiet because obviously he wasn’t listening to me and then he started to tell me what to do again and said so you’ll need to bring me these things by tomorrow before class or I’ll have to drop you and he’s like you know about tomorrow’s class right and I was like yes I do and he’s like that we had to watch this movie for class, yes I watched it and He said so you’ve done the assignment/review on the movie then and I said no not yet I’m going to do it later today and he said unbelievable, are you sure you know what day it is and you’re not drunk or have any mental problem or anything and I said no I don’t have any mental problem and he’s like how did you get into this class?

I’m like quiet for a minute because I thought he was kidding or asking a rhetorical question and he waited so I said how did I get into the class and he said yes and I said the same way you get into all classes where you go online look up the class and add it. He’s like unbelievable…you just got into the class like that…I said yes…and he’s like I can’t believe you got into this class like that and then he’s like just forget it’s obvious to me that you can’t handle this class and you won’t be able to keep up so I’m going to have to drop you and I was like fine and I hung up.

I was so pissed after I got off the phone with that teacher and I sure as hell wasn’t going to try to stay in his piece of crap class after he treated me like that on the phone and basically was telling me I was stupid or something must be wrong with me just because I missed a couple classes, 2 to be exact, and because I’d missed the classes I’d missed some assignments and because I had forgotten to turn something in – how does making simple everyday ordinary mistakes like missing a couple classes and forgetting to turn something in equate with deserving to be told there must be something wrong with me anyway.

Anyway, I decided not to mention this to anyone for a while and was going to tell Cory (my boyfriend) after Valentines Day, well, my not telling him…ended up kind of messing up some of his plans to surprise me for Valentines Day, but everything turned out okay in the end, but it would have been better had I told him on Tuesday instead of waiting, but I wanted to wait to tell him so that it wouldn’t ruin Valentines Day, which it ended up putting a damper on Valentines anyway.

Well, anyway I ended up telling Cory on Valentines Day what had happened with this teacher, phone call and the class being dropped and he got upset and told me that I need to go report it to someone here at school. He told me it’s not right and that it would be defined as slander, defamation of character, and I added that I wondered if it couldn’t be considered some form of discrimination and that it is a form of emotional abuse – that teacher saying that crap to me on the phone.

Anyway, I’m suppose to go talk to an advisor later today and I’m planning to mention this incident about the teacher to the advisor and ask about how I go about reporting it or what needs to happen so they’re aware of it because in my opinion, that is unacceptable behavior for a teacher to be like that and say that to a student simply because they missed a couple of classes and forgot to turn something in and so forth.

So, what do you think now that I’ve related the story here?

Ahhh!!!

It’s that time of year again…doing the birthday thing for one of my girls, my second, who’ll be turning 2 in just a couple weeks now.

I’ve got some of the stuff bought and ready to go to send to her, but I’m still trying to find one or two more presents to send.  I also want to burn a CD and have to write the birthday letter and I’m doing all this with school and all its icky homework stuff too.

I’ve done this before, doing all these things at the same time and dealing with the ups and downs of my emotions around the birthday time, but the birthday letter still gets to me.  That birthday letter still gives me major stress and a little anxiety at times too.

It’s just so hard to write the birthday letter every time and I keep thinking it will get easier, but it hasn’t yet.  Well, I don’t know, it all depends, I guess, it’s more the thinking and anticipation of making myself sit down to write it that kills me because a lot of the time when I finally sit down and write it, it just flows along with the tears, of course.

I guess that is what is hard for me at times every time I write the birthday letters is having the emotional rollercoaster ride with it.  I mean I don’t really like crying all the time…I know it’s healing and good for me, but sometimes I wish I didn’t have to go through these emotions everytime, ya know.

I’m feeling more pressure now because I have to go buy a couple things, do the CD and make myself write the birthday letter by this coming weekend because I have to send it by this Friday or next Monday at the latest so it will get there on time.  I would never be able to live with myself if the birthday package was late getting to them, but that’s just me. 

I think I’m putting more pressure on myself too like I always do with these things so I sometimes make it worse on myself than it has to be.  I don’t know, I’m just really stressed right now about the birthday letter and dreading the emotions and all that always seem to happen, if ya know what I mean.

Anyway, I’m just stressed and thrown off and a little all over the place since earlier today when I just was thinking and realizing that it’s only like 2 weeks until her birthday already.  I’m like only 2 weeks – ack, where did the time go…it seems like it was still October just yesterday, ya know.

Well and then after her birthday is Christmas and the end of the semester and finals – ick.  So, it’s starting into a little bit more of a stressful time for me with school, finals, end of semester, her birthday, Christmas, blah, blah, blah, ya know how it goes this time of the year sometimes :p.

I’ll survive and I’ll be fine, I know.  Things will probably end up being better or not as bad and stressful once they’re over and done with, but right now, today and tonight, I’m having a stress fest so bear with me for now okay :p.

The Infamous A


The Infamous A

Originally uploaded by SimplyAnne.

This is “The A”, which if you go to my college, you’d know all about it. Supposedly this is where you can become a true aggie – what we are here at my college :).

So, how you’re suppose to become a true aggie is go with another non-true aggie to this A on a night with a full moon during Homecoming weekend, which was this past weekend. Then you and the other non-true aggie are suppose to stand on “The A” and kiss at midnight under the full moon on Homecoming weekend and that’s how you become a true aggie lol.

I think it’s amusing and pretty interesting. Anyway, Cory has mentioned about becoming true aggies a few times, well he did this past week and weekend so I was a little suspicious of why he was so obsessed with this true aggie thing lol.

I mean either he was finding it amusing and interesting like I did or he’s obsessed with it and the idea of kissing someone. Or he was thinking about kissing me and becoming a true aggie a lot lol – my Dad thinks it’s highly suspicious how he kept talking about it too lol.

So, anyway, I don’t know, maybe he was thinking of kissing me, maybe not. I think he probably has thought of kissing me already because that thought of kissing him for me has already passed through my mind at least a few times lol 😉 :).

Anyhow, that’s the story behind “The A” up here and how you’re suppose to become a true aggie – woo woo 😉 *giggles* :).

“I’m Feelin Hella Good…”

Life and everything still is getting better and improving for me :D.  I’m just doing good with living on my own, going to school and everything. 

Cory and I are talking a little more now and it’s been good for me to have him as a friend up here and all.  I don’t know how to explain it all and I have too much to write and not enough words or time to write it all!  I’m just hyper happy a lot lately.

Anyway, here’s one of my favorite, happy songs :D.

My mom’s like a stranger

It’s kind of weird, but since I moved up here into my own place and I don’t have a running commentary that is usually negative all the time etc., I might add, everything is changing.  Some of it is changing in a way I expected and some of it is changing in a way I didn’t expect.

I don’t know if I’m even making sense trying to explain myself here.  Some of you will probably understand what I’m trying to say more than others.  It’s just that I hardly ever call home lately.  I haven’t really been up here on my own for a really long time either, but I don’t feel as homesick as I thought I would.

My mom has e-mailed me more than I care to talk to her these past few days.  I don’t mean to sound unfeeling or anything, but it’s just that I noticed when replying to an e-mail of hers just yesterday how different it feels from my perspective between she and I now.  It’s like the distance with my living here and her there has widened the emotional etc. gap between us as well now also.  I don’t know how to explain it really – I just felt kind of sad thinking about it last night because at times I still wish it could be different and we could be closer, but that won’t ever happen, at least not for a long time anyway.

It’s just that while I was writing a response to my mom’s e-mail yesterday, I realized how I felt like I was writing/talking to a stranger and not my mom.  It was just weird and today when I got another e-mail from her and responded, I was more annoyed than anything.  It was more like I only responded to her because she’s my mom, but not because I wanted to talk to her or share anything with her though.

It’s just interesting and kind of strange to me as I’m watching this change between my mom and me now that I’ve moved out and am living on my own in my own place, ya know. 

Well and it’s incredible this new sense of freedom and independence not having my mom breathing down my neck all the time with everything I do.  Sometimes I don’t know what to do with myself when I don’t have her running negative commentary on everything I do each day.

I have noticed a lot of change for the positive already though in just this past week or so especially.  I mean I’ve been feeling better about myself, school, life and living on my own and so forth than I’ve ever felt with my mom around.  I’ve been feeling a lot more self confidence and talking more in classes and things that I don’t usually do – I especially didn’t do them when I lived at home under my mom’s constant nagging and everything. 

I have been doing a lot of things better and like I’ve wanted to for a long time since I left home.  I still get things done, get reasonable sleep and everything and don’t have to hear my mom’s nasty comments about how I’m doing everything wrong according to her because she’s no longer around to know about my habits or way of life here.  I can’t explain it, but it’s almost as if in just the past week or two, some other healing has begun to occur for me that I didn’t know needed to still happen.

It’s like my moving out and getting into a habit and way of life of my own on my own up here and such is a kind of balm to my wounds that have been inflicted and festering for so long from my mother and others in my life who’ve done me more harm than good.  Even though she and others haven’t always meant harm, they’ve caused it and now I’ve got to recooperate from it and it’s almost like I’m reshaping and redefining who I am without anyway telling me how I should be or how I should be living my life.

It’s like I’ve been under her “control” for so long and now I’m learning that I do know a lot and I can be in control of myself and that I don’t need her to be around and “control” me.  Man, I don’t know if any of this is making any sense, but anyway, that’s the best I can do for now in expressing this change that’s begun to go on with me in this past week or so.

Anyway, it’s been one of the greatest changes and moves for me.  One of the best things I could have ever done for myself in life and being away from home and her and all that, makes me realize and see some things that much more clearly now.

Of course, I have had some new anger present itself that I’m having to deal with toward my mom and such from seeing things that much more clearly now, but somehow I’ll work through it and be okay just like I’ve done with everything else in my life with the help of the Lord, my family and others, of course, but nonetheless I’ll be okay :).

Someday my internet will be done…

Okay I know, you’re all like, wow, what is this?  A new post from Anne…I thought she was without internet until this weekend.

Well, I got my student ID card and got on to the internet on the computers in the library on campus so I may be able to check in on the internet throughout the week after all – YAY =).

Anyway, I got off the phone earlier today with the internet provider peoples and they’re going to take longer getting my internet service hooked up – of course.  It’s like, let’s see how long Anne can survive without her internet hooked up and take as long as we can, shall we :p.

So, originally they told me they’d have my internet hooked up by this Friday afternoon at the latest, right.  I was all hyped up for having the internet at my place this weekend too.  I know – amazing how excited I get over the internet being hooked up, isn’t it lol :p.

Well, after talking to them forever today, I found out that they won’t be able to hook up my internet until Monday afternoon so I have a little longer than planned to go on without internet at my place.  Of course, now that I have gotten access to the internet on the computers at the library on campus, it won’t be as bad, but still it’s not the same.

Anyway, they kept me on the phone forever trying to sell me a bunch of other things and take all my money.  I was like no way, you’ve already got enough of my money.  I don’t need anything else – sales pitches can be so annoying sometimes, ya know what I mean.

So, my classes are becoming somewhat more interesting now.  My literature and gender class and reading “The Last of the Mohicans” is getting more interesting.  I actually am getting more interested in the book – *gasp*, I know, amazing that I’m actually interested in assigned reading.  I usually have a harder time getting into books that are assigned to me to read than books that I get to pick to read on my own, ya know.

My psychology class on abuse is still kind of uncomfortable for me, but it was less uncomfortable for me today than it was the first time I went this last week.  I understand and am following along pretty easily with what we’re discussing and learning in my psychology class though. 

It’s interesting how my psychology and social work classes are so far my best classes and what I’m most comfortable with and understand the most.  I mean I get the math and english classes too, but I have to put forth a little more effort with them in some areas sometimes then with psychology and social work, which come easily to me.

Anyway, that’s what’s up with me for now.  I’m going to head back home and see how my birdie’s doing.  I’ve got a little bit of homework to do and things too – what fun, I know :).

Off again & Back to school

Well, the weekend’s pretty much over now so it’s back to my place and to school for me now.

I’m heading back up there in a little bit so I won’t have internet access again for a while longer.  It should be hooked up at my new place no later than Friday though so I’ll be back on then :).

I hope everyone has a good week and don’t have too much fun without me lol ;).