Little Update on My Visit…The beginning of transitioning from semi-open to more open…

with my 4 1/2 yr. old’s parents…it was on Saturday afternoon, May 16, at their house.

Okay so I went to the jewelry show at their house and it was a really good experience/visit for us . Hubby went with me cause he really wanted to meet them and wants to be involved and is very supportive of it all too.

If I had to sum it up in one word…I’d say it was ‘wild’, I guess…cause it was good, but it was also a little weird, but mostly just different and not what I expected while being what I expected at the same time, if any of that makes any sense lol .

The thing I keep saying when I talk to family/friends about it…is that the weirdest thing about it all…is that it wasn’t that weird at all. It was the weirdest thing because it was so normal and natural to me – being there with Hubby and all of us and the way we interacted.

It felt like I was coming home…to another part of my family…I just felt like I fit right in and that Hubby fit in as well too. It was just really great and we had a lot of fun talking and hanging out etc. for 2 hours or so and then talked about our plans to go out for lunch too and what not.

There was a few minutes I kinda freaked out and felt sorta like I couldn’t breathe so well though. It was when we’d been there for a little bit and my 4 1/2 yr. old’s mom was like oh I better go get her from the neighbors and she left to go get her and Hubby and I were sitting there going uh what do we do? We were like should we stay or not cause we weren’t sure if we should be there when my 4 1/2 yr old was going to show up back with her mom…but we didn’t want to leave without saying bye etc. to her mom…so we waited for a few min and then the door opened and I slowly turned to look as my 4 1/2 yr old’s mom comes walking back in (I was reminding myself to breathe lol).

Anyway, she walks back in and is all well, I went to get her and she was sitting watching “Beauty and the Beast” and eating a popsicle and she was like why are you here and didn’t want to come home yet…so she didn’t bring my 4 1/2 yr. old back home since she wanted to finish watching the movie and eating her popsicle so then I was like to myself, okay I can breathe again lol.

Then we sat and talked with her and everyone there, who was mostly family who knew about me for a while longer. She also showed me a little tour of their house and we went in and looked around at my 4 1/2 yr. old’s room and stuff too.

So, another part/different stage in the whole friendship/relationship with more openness in my adoption world has begun with one of the families…and we’ll see where things go…and then how long/when I’ll take this step with my 6 yr. old and her family…and then when I’ll start seeing both my girls and having one on one time or what not…it’s all a WILD ride…and I’ve been processing a lot since hanging out with them on Saturday and coming thatclose to seeing my 4 1/2 yr old for what would have been the first time since I placed her…it’s all really great and all…but it can also be a little overwhelming.

I’m beginning to get a glimpse and some more understanding of what all the people mean when they explain visits, their relationships etc., who have been in totally open adoptions from the beginning…and I know I still haven’t seen either of my girls…yet…but I’m starting to get more of an idea of what it’s like and what all the open adoption people mean when they talk about their visits and everything.

I also realized that my 4 1/2 yr. old’s family is just an ordinary fun and normal family…I mean I realized…I’d had them up on a pedestal so to speak in my mind, but then hanging out with them I realized…they’re just like me…they’re no better and no worse…they’re just another normal family and the only difference is that they were ready and meant to be my 4 1/2 yr. old’s parents and I wasn’t ready or meant to raise her, but neither of us is better than the other…it was kind of like another level of a light bulb turning on for me regarding how both them and the parents/family of my 6 yr. old aren’t any better or worse than me…and I’m not any better or worse than them because I made the choices I did or placed my girls with either of them…I don’t know…does that make any sense…anyway just some of my thoughts/feelings about the visit since I’ve had a few days to process now :).

Oh…and another thing…it helped reinforce once again…that I did the right thing when I placed my 4 1/2 yr. old and also my 6 yr. old and that they are where they are suppose to be with their families and I am where I am suppose to be in my life right now too…it wasn’t that I needed it reinforced, but it was there just the same and it was a really AWESOME time hanging out and talking with them.

I’m excited to go out to lunch with my 4 1/2 yr. old’s mom on May 28 now too and excited about this new door being opened and this new stage of openness with us and how our relationship is going to continue to evolve …I’m really excited about the future of my friendship/relationship with my 4 1/2 yr. old’s mom, my girl and their whole family – they’re all really COOL people that I connect with really well :D.

Weird, how things happen, isn’t it?

Okay, I’m freaking out a little right now…in a way that I’m sitting here calmly while inside I’m shrieking and reminding myself to breathe lol.

I was just doing stuff around the house and left the room and came back in and found a message popped up on my Facebook chat from my 4 1/2 yr. old’s mom that said, hey, do ya wanna come to my jewelry show on Saturday, as in this Saturday at her house and I let out a high pitched squeal so Hubby asked what was up so I told him and he started laughing at me :p.

Anyway, so looks like Hubby and I are going to drop by to say Hi at their house on this Saturday around noon. I’m going to stay for an hour or two for her jewelry party/show and to talk or whatever, but Hubby’s not sure if he’ll stay or just meet her, say Hi and then go and come back to pick me up later or what, but yeah I’m freakin out a little here.

My 4 1/2 yr. old won’t be there, she’ll be next door at their neighbors, but still…that came as a total surprise to me and me with my brain and freakin out here was thinking a little bit ago…what if my 4 1/2 yr. old is outside playing, what if she comes home early or for an emergency or something…what if for some reason I did see my 4 1/2 yr. old when I go over to their house for the jewelry show this Saturday and then I was like and so what…if she’s okay with it and would like me to come then I go and if I saw my 4 1/2 yr. old, then I’d deal with it (emotionally speaking mostly), but chances are high with the way our relationship is going that I’ll be seeing my 4 1/2 yr. old before too long at any rate anyway.

And ya know, if it was my 6 yr. old and she knew I was coming, she wouldn’t go to the neighbors house cause she’d most likely want to see me, but this is my 4 1/2 yr. old and she doesn’t quite understand or get the concept the same way as my 6 yr. old yet. Anyway, my 4 1/2 yr. old won’t be at the house so if it happened, it would just be on accident/by chance.

It Was a Good Mother’s Day This Year =)!!!

I had one of the best Mother’s Days this year around. For the first time in quite a while, I didn’t really dwell on it being Mother’s Day and what I was missing out on with not being with my two girls I placed or having mixed and hard feelings like I often do in association with the holiday known as Mother’s Day.

So, I’m making progress…still…in life and with healing etc. after having placed my two girls. That’s not to say that I didn’t think about either of my girls and their families because I did…it’s just to say that I enjoyed time with my husband and his parents since we went to visit his mom, who is awesome by the way, for Mother’s Day.

I had a good, fun and relaxing day and wondered about my girls and their families and what I’d get from them, but I didn’t get down or angry or have mixed feelings about it…not that that part of my emotions in regard to my girls and all will completely go away, but it’s progress for me. And it was nice, in a way, to just enjoy and be happy and not even really think about the fact that it was Mother’s Day this year…I mean, ya know what I mean =p.

I did just get a package and a card from my 6 yr. old and her family today/yesterday. The package was a book from her family and the card was from my 6 yr. old – she wrote a little note and signed her name and her parents signed their names too. I was just really excited cause I got pictures with the card and she wrote the note, wrote she loves me and signed her name all herself – pretty cool, don’t ya think :D.

I haven’t got anything specific from my 4 1/2 yr. old and her family yet, but I’m friends with her mom on Facebook so we have posted and talked with each other recently =). She’ll be getting her Mother’s Day present from me today and when I talked to her a few days ago, she was still trying to decide about Mother’s Day gifts…all I want/need is pictures of my 4 1/2 yr old…I’m not hard to please that way :D. We’re also planning to talk and see if we can get together and hang out so good stuff there.

My hubby got recommended for a promotion at work too and I’m going to get a Kindle – YAY, hopefully, soon and then we’re getting a lot closer to be able to moving out on our own soon – finally – hopefully sooner than we think. For the time being…to make things a little better…my parents are going away…out of town…for a couple weeks…leaving in the next day or two – YAY! Then around the time my parents come back into town…we’re going out of town again for 4-5 days to a fancy hotel for our one year anniversary, if you can believe we’ve been married that long already – YAY!

Then we’re probably going to end up going back to visit his parents again in a while and I’m planning to go and finally meet/hang out with a friend in Phoenix, AZ area this summer, as soon as we move out, then my hubby says I can leave and do whatever I want…but I can’t leave him alone while we’re leaving here with my scary mom in the house lol…which for more than just that reason…I wouldn’t want to go until we’ve moved out too though.

Anyway, lots of things happening and good stuff going on here…oh and I guess I should post some of this to the family blog we have ha ha. Hubby is also going to be going back to school online this fall…that’s pretty much for sure…and I’ll be applying and seeing if I can start back to school online this fall too and stuff…so we’ve been busy with life and getting things to happen…which, they’re finally starting to happen now – YAY!

And if you couldn’t tell…I’m a little hyped up right now…cause hubby just came home from work and told me about his promotion recommendation and just before that I got the cool Mother’s Day card from my 6 yr old. with pictures and now I’m typing all this getting excited about life and things happening and all lol.

Side note here…sitting here typing and a bird just kinda crashed/bumped into the window and then flew off lol.