I’ve been ‘missing’ from blogland…

but here I am again checking in. I’ve had an interesting year so far with the pregnancy and everything else in life. There’s just too much that’s gone on…it seems like and at the same time…the same old, same old…anyway…I don’t know how often I’ll be blogging or what this blog may or may not be morphing into here…but I’ll try to get back into blogging on a somewhat more regular basis along with getting back to a more regular life routine again in this next year.

I make no promises about my blogging right now though since I just had my baby girl…she’s 2 weeks old tomorrow and I’m still in the early recovery stages and figuring out life/back to a more normal routine with hubby and a baby now.

It’s definitely very different having a baby and raising them instead of placing them…that much is obvious already and it’s a great thing too. I’ve been thinking of blogging for a little bit now but didn’t know what to say so there’s still more I’ll probably say another time or something, but for now this post will have to do for an update here.

I didn’t have the easiest pregnancy with how sick I was on and off and everything and then because Lil Miss Wiggles decided she wasn’t going to fully cooperate so she was breech and I had to have a C-section…it’s an interesting story/experience the way it happened really…but I’ll do that detailed story another time.

She’s adorable and gorgeous and melts your heart…she’s already the one ‘in charge’ of me and her Daddy over here right now…at least for now she is. We’re definitely smitten with her and despite the ups/downs and all of this year etc…we’re a little happy family now…we’ve started into the official family stage now and it’s not always going to be easy and it’s definitely an adjustment for us, but it’s so worth it.

As for the adoption front, I had a good long talk with my 8 yr old’s amom just a couple weeks before Lil Wiggles was born and either at the end of this month of November or in December, Hubby and I are going to schedule to hang out/meet up with my 8 yr old’s mom and hubby that she just married in June since she divorced the adad a while back as you may remember. Also we’re going to schedule to hang out/meet up with my 6 yr old’s parents…my 6 yr. old is turning 7 this month if you can believe that, I know it blows my mind that she’s turning 7 and the other will be turning 9 in March of this next year.

So, things on the adoption front are still going pretty good and improving with the scheduling to meet up with my 6 yr old’s parents so they can see our Lil Miss Wiggles, which we’ve hung out with them as often as possible before, but the big step is for us meeting up for the first time with my 8 yr old’s mom and new hubby…cause it will be the first time I’ve seen my 8 yr. old’s mom in 8 years and the first time I’ve met this new hubby of hers and the first time she’ll meet my hubby too…so we’re excited and nervous…but moving toward some more openness with meeting up with both my girls aparents is what I want to help our relationships and for when my girls start having more one on one interaction with me through e-mail/talking/meeting me or what have you.

So, yes my life’s been a little crazy and up and down recently this past year and my whole life’s been totally up and down and never quite what I planned, but it’s all worked out to this point and it will all work out in the end, otherwise it’s not the end…at least I think that’s how that saying goes.

But I would do my life the exact same even with all the crappy parts and the heartache and the hard times all over again and again because of the happy parts and the awesome parts and the rewards for going through the hard time and because it was all worth it to end up here with my awesome, amazing Hubby and my adorable angel baby girl that’s here with me now all the time always and forever :).

ETA: Forgot to say the stats for Lil Miss Wiggles birth…she was born on Oct. 24, 2011 at 6:45 p.m. She weighed 8 lbs 2 oz and was 20 in long. She’s healthy and doing really well. She just had her 2 wk well baby check up this past Friday and has gained 3 oz. and grown 1/2 inch in about 2 wks and everything checks out with her and so far everything checks out with me for my progress at 2 wks of recovering from the C-section…no infection or anything wrong with the incision and it’s healing nicely…no stitches, I had staples, which they removed in the hospital and then put glue and tape- the steri-strip tape stuff on it and the Dr. took the tape off of it when he checked me out after we finished the 2 wk checkup on baby. Lil Wiggles has her next appt in 6 wks and mine for my 6 wk last check up until I’m pregnant again or need to see the Dr. again is in about a month to make sure I’m done healing and everything’s good to go all the way back to normal again for now. So things are going as they should with my healing/recovering and our adjusting with baby and all and we’re good :).


I am Me…

Completely and totally…again…all the way being and feeling myself again…don’t know how to describe it really…it’s more of a feeling and I’ve been so happy since feeling all the way like myself again and where I’m suppose to be in life, doing what I’m doing and back on track from all the hard times, dragging myself somedays and at rock bottom sometimes especially all the crap I went through in the past 11 years.

From coming home on cloud nine after serving an LDS mission to Uruguay and crashing to the bottom with marrying, being abused and then divorcing my first husband, which seems like another lifetime and such a faint memory now, to getting involved with more loser type guys and having and placing my two girls and going up and down on the rollercoaster of life and planning to marry one guy after being together for around a year and a half to ending up with the best guy for me that I’m with now…it’s been an amazing rollercoaster of life these past 11 years and most of them/ a lot of the time I’ve been down and fighting my way back to the top from all my hits and times spent at rock bottom.

I never thought I’d feel this way again…all the way myself again back in tune with the Lord, His Spirit and everything else…but after all the crap and heck of a long rollercoaster ride, I guess is one way to put the past 11 years…I feel like I did 11 years ago before I went through everything I did except that now all those things are incorporated into me and my life and I can and do still feel all the way happy and like myself again.

It’s so awesome and amazing to look at where I was, what I went through and to where I am now and see how the Lord has helped me and been with me through the whole thing.

Anyway, I don’t know how to explain it in words just right more than this right now…other than I’m just so freakin happy about this monumental progress and return to myself/completely being myself right now.

I’m going to see about finding a song or two that helps to describe and express more of what I’m feeling in regards to this post and all.

Happy New Year!!!

Happy New Year everyone!!! 2011 is going to be a good year…I have a good feeling about it.

Hope everyone’s had good times for the Holidays. We had a visit with Sweet Pea’s parents last night, just us two and her mom and dad…we hung out, played some Wii games, talked, Sweet Pea’s mom showed me some home movies and pictures too…I saw the home movie of Sweet Pea (6) finishing the scavenger hunt that Sweet Pea’s mom did to tell Sweet Pea and her sister about their trip to Disneyland…which they’re going end of Jan/beginning of Feb.

It’ll be Sweet Pea’s first time to Disneyland and she’s WAY excited for it lol. I watched the home movie and couldn’t stop smiling and laughing at Sweet Pea running around and bouncing up and down all so freakin excited for Disneyland. It was awesome to see the little home movie of her reaction to finding out about their trip to Disneyland and the way her face lit up and was so full of joy and happiness…it’s seeing and hearing about things like that with Sweet Pea (6) as well as Miss Bookworm (7 1/2) that I absolutely LOVE and continually remind and give me peace of mind about them doing so well, being so loved and everything with their families.

Anyway, Hopefully Hubby will be getting a job soon and it’s a job he’d like doing and not just a job to earn money so we’re keeping our fingers crossed for that plus he’s doing great with his online schooling also.

So, we’re doing good, hanging in there and had a great Christmas and New Years etc. Hoping for things to keep going well and improve so here’s to 2011 being a great year :).

It Was a Good Mother’s Day This Year =)!!!

I had one of the best Mother’s Days this year around. For the first time in quite a while, I didn’t really dwell on it being Mother’s Day and what I was missing out on with not being with my two girls I placed or having mixed and hard feelings like I often do in association with the holiday known as Mother’s Day.

So, I’m making progress…still…in life and with healing etc. after having placed my two girls. That’s not to say that I didn’t think about either of my girls and their families because I did…it’s just to say that I enjoyed time with my husband and his parents since we went to visit his mom, who is awesome by the way, for Mother’s Day.

I had a good, fun and relaxing day and wondered about my girls and their families and what I’d get from them, but I didn’t get down or angry or have mixed feelings about it…not that that part of my emotions in regard to my girls and all will completely go away, but it’s progress for me. And it was nice, in a way, to just enjoy and be happy and not even really think about the fact that it was Mother’s Day this year…I mean, ya know what I mean =p.

I did just get a package and a card from my 6 yr. old and her family today/yesterday. The package was a book from her family and the card was from my 6 yr. old – she wrote a little note and signed her name and her parents signed their names too. I was just really excited cause I got pictures with the card and she wrote the note, wrote she loves me and signed her name all herself – pretty cool, don’t ya think :D.

I haven’t got anything specific from my 4 1/2 yr. old and her family yet, but I’m friends with her mom on Facebook so we have posted and talked with each other recently =). She’ll be getting her Mother’s Day present from me today and when I talked to her a few days ago, she was still trying to decide about Mother’s Day gifts…all I want/need is pictures of my 4 1/2 yr old…I’m not hard to please that way :D. We’re also planning to talk and see if we can get together and hang out so good stuff there.

My hubby got recommended for a promotion at work too and I’m going to get a Kindle – YAY, hopefully, soon and then we’re getting a lot closer to be able to moving out on our own soon – finally – hopefully sooner than we think. For the time being…to make things a little better…my parents are going away…out of town…for a couple weeks…leaving in the next day or two – YAY! Then around the time my parents come back into town…we’re going out of town again for 4-5 days to a fancy hotel for our one year anniversary, if you can believe we’ve been married that long already – YAY!

Then we’re probably going to end up going back to visit his parents again in a while and I’m planning to go and finally meet/hang out with a friend in Phoenix, AZ area this summer, as soon as we move out, then my hubby says I can leave and do whatever I want…but I can’t leave him alone while we’re leaving here with my scary mom in the house lol…which for more than just that reason…I wouldn’t want to go until we’ve moved out too though.

Anyway, lots of things happening and good stuff going on here…oh and I guess I should post some of this to the family blog we have ha ha. Hubby is also going to be going back to school online this fall…that’s pretty much for sure…and I’ll be applying and seeing if I can start back to school online this fall too and stuff…so we’ve been busy with life and getting things to happen…which, they’re finally starting to happen now – YAY!

And if you couldn’t tell…I’m a little hyped up right now…cause hubby just came home from work and told me about his promotion recommendation and just before that I got the cool Mother’s Day card from my 6 yr old. with pictures and now I’m typing all this getting excited about life and things happening and all lol.

Side note here…sitting here typing and a bird just kinda crashed/bumped into the window and then flew off lol.

I’m really excited…

cause I just talked/chatted online with my 4 1/2 yr. old’s mom and it was awesome :).

We haven’t talked or seen each other since I had and placed my girl with her at the agency so yeah it’s been 4 1/2 years since I last saw and/or talked to her. We added each other on Facebook and chatted online just like really great old friends who hadn’t talked for a while.

I’m just really excited cause it was great and I love her…she’s so awesome and we were talking about all sorts of things with life and mentioned about getting together to hang out sometime in the future…so we’ll see when that happens and what not…but for now this is another step for us in regards to being more open, but also another step for us in our friendship.

YAY for me! I just had to share and I know I have other things to update on, but for now I have to try to calm myself down to go to sleep in a little bit here – ha ha.

I Feel Like a Kid in the Candy Store!

Okay so I’m like way hyper and have never been happier than lately with new guy and especially now.  It just keeps getting better and better.

I feel like I’m bursting with how things are going with my new guy and I and things we’ve been talking about lately…if you can’t guess then I’ll have to fill you in later hee, hee =).

This year is lookin like it’s going to be one of my best years yet – *bounces around* =).  I’m just so freakin hyper right now and I’m suppose to be sleeping as usual…which I’m not ha ha :p.

Anyway…I had to briefly freak out all hyper here for now and I’ll fill in the details later – *grins big*.

WOO HOO! Happy Dance!!

I’m so excited right now…it’s been a good day for the most part =)!  First off, I’m back in my own place now…I like my parents and all although I have a hard time being around my mom all the time, but I love being in and having my own place too so I’m very happy to be back in my own place again.

Although I do feel a little bit more alone back in my own place right now because my boy is gone off in Cali doing his summer job and most of the other people I knew from knowing him and our church are gone too since school ended.  It’s also been a great day because my boy text me earlier tonight to tell me he did make a sale and it went through fine.  I’m happy for him and about that because I was worried with him telling me about how much it sucked and he hated it yesterday so it was good to hear that he sold one for sure today and he probably has one sold for Friday too so things are looking good right now with that whole summer job deal.

Also I’m WAY excited because I got one of my Mother’s Day packages today from my 2 1/2 year old’s family and not only did I get a gorgeous, darling 8×10 nicely framed picture of my 2 1/2 yr old looking all grown up and beautiful, but I also got a movie of her and the past year of her life and a nice little card too.  Oh, but we’re not done yet…I haven’t got to one of the best parts about the Mother’s Day package yet…besides the gorgeous framed picture of my 2 1/2 yr old, the card and the home movie…they gave/had their return address and last name on the package for me so there’s another step of openness that’s happened with my 2 1/2 yr old’s family now just like with my 4 yr old’s family this past Christmas.

I’ve been so hyped up and excited about knowing their last name and address all day now…I think I spent more time being surprised, a little shocked and totally hyper and excited about their last name and address then about the picture, card and home movie lol =).  It’s pretty cool, I think that we’re making this progress with openness and comfort levels with me and both my girls families the way we are.

It’s just nice to have missing pieces of the puzzle filled in and to know their last names and addresses and have access to their identifying information and know that they know and have access to my identifying information as well.  Things are just feeling good right now and some of that I think is because it’s summer, nice outside with the sun shining too and all.  I can’t explain it…it just feels really good right now and like things will probably just keep getting better.

Of course, while I did have all this great stuff of coming back to my place, knowing I’m still alright financially for now even though I don’t yet have a job, my boy making sales and starting to do alright with his summer job in Cali and me making progress and doing well and healthy with my relationships and openness with both my girls families, I still do have a few things missing to make everything really better, but they will come with time.

Those things, of course, being the getting a job, which I know I will, just taking me a little longer right now and the having my boy back from Cali and being married, which will happen just not yet and then getting to see Christine and hang out with more people, which will also happen, just not yet.  So the things that aren’t all here yet that would help make things better are being worked on and/or are in progress at the present so eventually they’ll all come together and happen when they’re meant to happen.

In the meantime, I’m very happy and elated with the things I do have and am experiencing that are making things great for me right now in the present.  I still have to do Mother’s Day gifts and so forth, but now that I have my 2 1/2 yr old’s family’s address etc., I’m thinking of having flowers delivered to my 2 1/2 yr old’s Mom for this Mother’s Day, what do you think?  I’ve always wanted to send flowers to each of my girl’s Moms and now I think I can do it this year, which would simplify looking for gifts this year…just do flowers for both of them and my own mom because I’ve never done or sent flowers on Mother’s Day before so it would be something new and different for me and for them to get from me even though most everyone else does flowers I never have before so I’m thinking of doing it for once this year =).

On another note, while I was out to dinner with my parents tonight before they left and went back home…my mom, of course, ended up turning the discussion somehow toward the wedding and wedding plans and was saying something about the wedding luncheon we should have etc. and I was like I wasn’t going to have a wedding luncheon and she was like oh.  Then she said well you know what would make the whole thing simpler is to just elope and I didn’t like the idea much, but then again maybe it is an idea to be considered lol…what do you think?  I could go either way really since I had a big wedding etc. the first time already…I’ve just been trying to do things a little less the second time because I’d like smaller and so would my boy and since it’s his first wedding I thought we’d do an open house/reception thing too because he’s never done a wedding before and neither of us will likely get married again so anyway just some random thoughts about wedding ideas, feel free to throw yours in the mix.

On the Up Again

Well, that crappy depressed mood/feeling has mostly gone away now…thankfully it didn’t last very long.  My boyfriend and I talked and made up so that helped a lot and then the weather and things cleared up too :).

Oh and then I got a nice long newsie letter updating me on my 2 yr old and her family and what they’ve been up to and I got lots and lots of pictures.  My 2 yr old’s mom was only able to get about half of the pics sent to me via e-mail so tomorrow/Monday, she said she’ll get the rest sent to me, but there’s about 52 pics in all that she’s sending so I was really excited about that plus happy cause my boyfriend and I made up and everything :).

I mean just getting the pics and letter alone from my 2 yr old’s mom was enough to make the world better, ya know, but then to be with my boyfriend with everything fine again was the other half that made it better and then to talk with my parents on the phone and have the weather clear up finished making the world as good as possible for now :).  Oh and did I mention, my boyfriend is going to do this out of state summer job so we won’t be together for like 3 1/2 months or something like that while he does this job…but he found out where he’s going to be going for this job…California =).  He was really excited about that and so am I because that means he won’t be way far away from Utah and I can go visit him during the summer in California if I want (like I’m not going to go visit him duh lol).  My sister lives in Cali too so if I wanted, I could maybe go see her and him too although I’m not sure how close where he’ll be staying is to where my sister lives, but it’s a thought.

And then we talked about quite a few things with making up after our disagreement from the other day and one of the things was marriage, of course.  We were talking and he all wanted me to give him my word that I’d marry him…I was like we can do some sort of promise thing if you want me to give you my word because I will marry you…there’s no doubt about that.  I’d be a fool and regret it for all the days of the rest of my life and so forth if I didn’t marry him because he’s compliments me, completes me and is my match in like every way.  I know I’m suppose to be with him and he’s suppose to be with me…I know it more and more as time goes on and we go through things and learn more about each other.  I also keep finding that I love him more each day and I don’t know how it’s possible, but I keep loving him more and our love keeps growing stronger every day.  Oh and he asked me what my ring size is so he wants me to figure out and tell him my ring size so it’s definitely going to happen just not yet, but it’ll probably happen before I know it because time keeps going by so fast with everything, ya know =).

Okay so I think that’s all for my update…just wanted to let ya know I’m doing much better now and oh, I’ll post a couple of the recent pics of my 2 yr old on here after this post.  She’s just too adorable and cute =)!!!

That reminds me of another thing about my boyfriend…I was mentioning to him when he was with me and saw the pictures in the e-mail of my 2 year old etc. that I said to him, “Ya know, that at some point I’ll tell our kids about my two girls, their sisters (half-sisters), and that my two girls won’t be secrets from our kids or stuff”.  Then he said,”Yeah, I know” and I said, “you know, it’s possible that our adoption relationships might open up more in the future and they might visit us and our family or we might visit them, my girls and their families” and he said,  “yeah, I know”.  Then I said, “ya know that no matter what at some point when A & K, my two girls are older, they’re going to probably want to come meet/visit and get to know me/us and our family and I’m pretty sure I’ll end up having some kind of relationship/friendship with each of my girls where they’ll be around us and our kids at some point later in life” and he said, “yeah, I know and I’ll help support however I can and you know I don’t know much about this so I’ll be learning about this as it goes too”.  Then I said, “well, you know I’m still learning about this all as it goes too so we’ll figure things out with that and things with my two girls as time goes on” and he was like “yeah, I know and I wouldn’t expect you to ever forget your girls or not have them in your life or expect that your girls and their families wouldn’t want to be in your life either” so that’s some more bonus points for me with him.  The fact that he’s willing to accept, work through/on and figure things out as they happen/change etc. with my adoption relationships with my girls and how they might affect our future kids and family and so forth.  I mean I just said all that to him while I was thinking about it because I wanted to make sure he knew that I wasn’t going to ever stop having contact or relationships with my girls or their families and I wasn’t ever going to hide them from our future kids or what not.  I wanted to see what his thoughts and reactions were to the possibility of what if we did open things up to include visits in the future between our families and to his reaction of knowing that my girls and I would meet and visit and have some kind of relationship between us at some point whether we ever include visits or not and he gave the right kind of answers and responses to everything I said.  He’s definitely a keeper in more than one way.

Sometimes, I don’t know how I got so lucky to find him.  He also dropped a hint or two about something it sounds like he’s planning to surprise me with on Valentine’s Day so that’ll be interesting to see what happens on Valentines next month =).

Okay I’m going to post those pics of my 2 yr old now and I hope everyone else is doing alright =).