Total Shock!

At least it was to me and to my family/close friends…I’m still processing it and it’s a bit surreal…and no it’s not an April Fools Joke though I wish it were…

It was just the other night, 3-31, I was sitting here online about to go play a game with my hubby, when my 7 yr. old’s (a)mom came online on FB chat and said Hi to me so I’m like Hi, how’s it going? No big deal just us chatting, catching up/updating each other as usual, right?…well a bit more of an update…a rather shocking update than I wanted or would have expected.

So, my 7 yr. old’s mom says to me on chat, Is now an okay time to talk for a bit? I’m like okay sure and she says I’ve been meaning/wanting to talk to you for a bit now, but been putting it off for far too long…

At this point, I’m wondering what the heck’s going on because obviously something is up here. So, I ask are you guys adopting again…cause she says things are changing here and that’s the first thing I think…well then I look up and it says, “I’m divorcing S (my 7 yr. old’s adad)” and I’m just like…uh what?!! and I froze sitting here in my chair and felt like I just got smacked in the face by a curve ball.

So, instantly I’m frozen in my chair, speechless, freaking out, trying to remember to breathe and stay calm…my heart’s going crazy and I’m crying all of a sudden and wondering what the heck happened…how is my 7 yr. old…and are they going to be okay and what the freak I didn’t place her for this to happen…this isn’t what I wanted for her…it’s not fair…all running through my head and reacting in 30 sec or less…

So, I take a deep breath and ask if this has been going on long or if it’s something new and she says, “I kicked him out last July”…again…what?? and I’m still freakin out and like wow, so it’s been a while now and then I ask her about some of the details and for more info about what exactly is going on now and she keeps apologizing cause she feels so bad that she didn’t tell me until now and I’m like, it happens, life happens, yes I feel a little upset you didn’t tell me until now, but you told me now and in spite of all, I can kind of understand, how it might be for her and her side of things and how life gets etc…so yes, I’m upset she didn’t tell me until now, but I’m not going to dwell on it because really what good is that going to do.

Really, I’m just happy that she told me and talked with me now and that we opened up a little more to each other with this discussion last night. And what’s important to me now, is that my 7 yr. old is okay and being taken care of and loved and that her mom is going to be okay and that they are going to be in a better situation on their own with the two of them and the amom’s family, they have a good support system and I don’t question the amom’s judgment in deciding to divorce the adad…I just wish it didn’t have to happen…

I still know I did what was best and what was right when I chose to place my 7 yr. old with this family, 7 yrs. ago, because she still had what I wanted her to have for 6 yrs and she still has her mom and all their family and friends that they’re close to and she still has me and my family too. I just wish my 7 yr. old didn’t have to experience this and that her mom didn’t have to either, ya know…

I still don’t know all the nitty gritty details, but I know enough for right now while I’m digesting this new development. I do know that they’re divorcing and my 7 yr. old’s mom told me she’s working on putting the house up for sale and is thinking of moving to Cali to be by her sister or AZ to be by her brother, both of whom she’s close to, but she doesn’t want to stay where they are anymore at least not for now.

I do know questions I meant to ask, but haven’t yet, but that I’ll ask and find out later, such as if they’re going to share custody of my 7 yr. old or if her amom’s going to get full custody and the adad’s only going to have visitation and more details about things. I do know my 7 yr. old is doing good despite this going on…at least her amom told me she’s trying to do her best in helping my 7 yr. old be okay with stuff for now and keep my 7 yr. old out of the middle of things between her and the adad, as in she’s protecting my girl from being used as a pawn etc. as much as she can and she’s putting my girl as her first priority no matter what with all of this, she told me that and some other things as well.

She and I talked about and are also not planning to change our relationship or the way we do things…other than I’ll mail things to a different address once they move and so forth. We’ll still e-mail/write and chat online and mail gifts and keep in touch and keep working on our relationship/friendship and whenever my 7 yr. old wants to see me/talk to me like she and her mom chatted with me online a couple times recently, I’ll still be able to talk with my 7 yr. old and meet her when she wants when she’s a little older.

And so, a lot of things are staying the same, while a lot or some things aren’t and some things, we’ll see what happens as time goes on…but at least she told me and we had a good talk about things and she told me to please remind her when it’s been a while for her to send me a picture/update on my 7 yr. old because she wants me to know about her and have pictures and she knows that I need to know and have recent pictures about my 7 yr. old as well. My 7 yr. old’s amom doesn’t want me to ever feel shy to remind her/ask her for pictures or about my girl or to ask her anything or talk to her and she told me she’d try to chat with me online more often because she thinks it’s good for us and she enjoys it and I do too…so we talked about both trying a little harder and keeping working at keeping up with each other with updates/pictures etc. and chatting online more often so it was a good talk overall despite the shocking part of it.

And I feel closer to her and better about things after talking last night and I know that my 7 yr. old is doing good right now and that she’s being well taken care of and all with everything going on. That’s not to say that down the road there won’t be things to deal with that have to do with this divorce happening now, but for now things are the best they can be and her amom and me as well as our families are working on things to keep things as good as they can be from both sides through this and as life goes on and my 7 yr. old keeps growing up.

I’m sure I’ll have bad days with this whole divorce thing and thinking about my decision that I made to place my 7 yr. old with them as well, but I’m only human, right and even though I’ll have my bad days and my doubts…I still know that my girl was meant to be with them and is meant to be where she is in spite of these unfair circumstances that have come up.

Life isn’t fair, but whining about it only does so much and I’m still processing and in shock and upset about this some, but it is what it is so I’m trying to deal and process it the best I can. I have a lot of people – family/friends – that I know I can talk to and turn to and most importantly despite this unhappy bit of news…I think, in a way, it’s helped the relationship/friendship etc. between my 7 yr. old’s amom and myself as well as other things…I think this decision to divorce the adad may be a good thing that helps and affects more than the initial reasons the amom had for deciding to divorce him.

I do also have some anger toward the adad now as well…although I’m not entirely sure what all went down and what he did…I’m still upset at him as well as this whole situation…see still processing this…and I’m rambling now…so I think I’m going to wrap this up for now.

All that matters is that my 7 yr. old knows she’s loved by me and her amom and by all the people who love her and that she is being taken care of and provided for in all aspects. Just a long as my 7 yr. old is alright, that’s all that matters in the long run with regards to the divorce and all, ya know.


4 comments on “Total Shock!

  1. I’m so sorry that you had to go through all that. Indeed, life’s not fair. But as proverb says, “When a student is ready, the master appears”, we’ll always be able to learn something and take benefits from any situation we faced. Just try to be positive, be grateful and be joyful for every good thing we have….

  2. I’m so sorry; what a shock. We adoptive parents aren’t free of any of life’s difficulties, are we? But how it must feel to be on the other side, not expecting or wanting any of this for your daughter. 😦

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