Little Update on My Visit…The beginning of transitioning from semi-open to more open…

with my 4 1/2 yr. old’s parents…it was on Saturday afternoon, May 16, at their house.

Okay so I went to the jewelry show at their house and it was a really good experience/visit for us . Hubby went with me cause he really wanted to meet them and wants to be involved and is very supportive of it all too.

If I had to sum it up in one word…I’d say it was ‘wild’, I guess…cause it was good, but it was also a little weird, but mostly just different and not what I expected while being what I expected at the same time, if any of that makes any sense lol .

The thing I keep saying when I talk to family/friends about it…is that the weirdest thing about it all…is that it wasn’t that weird at all. It was the weirdest thing because it was so normal and natural to me – being there with Hubby and all of us and the way we interacted.

It felt like I was coming home…to another part of my family…I just felt like I fit right in and that Hubby fit in as well too. It was just really great and we had a lot of fun talking and hanging out etc. for 2 hours or so and then talked about our plans to go out for lunch too and what not.

There was a few minutes I kinda freaked out and felt sorta like I couldn’t breathe so well though. It was when we’d been there for a little bit and my 4 1/2 yr. old’s mom was like oh I better go get her from the neighbors and she left to go get her and Hubby and I were sitting there going uh what do we do? We were like should we stay or not cause we weren’t sure if we should be there when my 4 1/2 yr old was going to show up back with her mom…but we didn’t want to leave without saying bye etc. to her mom…so we waited for a few min and then the door opened and I slowly turned to look as my 4 1/2 yr old’s mom comes walking back in (I was reminding myself to breathe lol).

Anyway, she walks back in and is all well, I went to get her and she was sitting watching “Beauty and the Beast” and eating a popsicle and she was like why are you here and didn’t want to come home yet…so she didn’t bring my 4 1/2 yr. old back home since she wanted to finish watching the movie and eating her popsicle so then I was like to myself, okay I can breathe again lol.

Then we sat and talked with her and everyone there, who was mostly family who knew about me for a while longer. She also showed me a little tour of their house and we went in and looked around at my 4 1/2 yr. old’s room and stuff too.

So, another part/different stage in the whole friendship/relationship with more openness in my adoption world has begun with one of the families…and we’ll see where things go…and then how long/when I’ll take this step with my 6 yr. old and her family…and then when I’ll start seeing both my girls and having one on one time or what not…it’s all a WILD ride…and I’ve been processing a lot since hanging out with them on Saturday and coming thatclose to seeing my 4 1/2 yr old for what would have been the first time since I placed her…it’s all really great and all…but it can also be a little overwhelming.

I’m beginning to get a glimpse and some more understanding of what all the people mean when they explain visits, their relationships etc., who have been in totally open adoptions from the beginning…and I know I still haven’t seen either of my girls…yet…but I’m starting to get more of an idea of what it’s like and what all the open adoption people mean when they talk about their visits and everything.

I also realized that my 4 1/2 yr. old’s family is just an ordinary fun and normal family…I mean I realized…I’d had them up on a pedestal so to speak in my mind, but then hanging out with them I realized…they’re just like me…they’re no better and no worse…they’re just another normal family and the only difference is that they were ready and meant to be my 4 1/2 yr. old’s parents and I wasn’t ready or meant to raise her, but neither of us is better than the other…it was kind of like another level of a light bulb turning on for me regarding how both them and the parents/family of my 6 yr. old aren’t any better or worse than me…and I’m not any better or worse than them because I made the choices I did or placed my girls with either of them…I don’t know…does that make any sense…anyway just some of my thoughts/feelings about the visit since I’ve had a few days to process now :).

Oh…and another thing…it helped reinforce once again…that I did the right thing when I placed my 4 1/2 yr. old and also my 6 yr. old and that they are where they are suppose to be with their families and I am where I am suppose to be in my life right now too…it wasn’t that I needed it reinforced, but it was there just the same and it was a really AWESOME time hanging out and talking with them.

I’m excited to go out to lunch with my 4 1/2 yr. old’s mom on May 28 now too and excited about this new door being opened and this new stage of openness with us and how our relationship is going to continue to evolve …I’m really excited about the future of my friendship/relationship with my 4 1/2 yr. old’s mom, my girl and their whole family – they’re all really COOL people that I connect with really well :D.