I just got home from my little trip back to my apt…I’ll be back here for a little less than two weeks finishing up things for the wedding and getting married – ACK!!! Then I’ll be moving…YAY!!!
Anyway, since we just got back, there was a pile of mail for me and one of them was a Mother’s Day card from my 3 1/2 yr old’s mom with some of my favorite candy – YAY! I got a little note with a gift card in my e-mail from my 5 yr old’s mom on Mother’s Day also…but anyway finding this Mother’s Day card since I came back was a pleasant surprise for me.
What made me so freakin happy is that in the note in the Mother’s Day card, my 3 1/2 yr old’s mom told me that my 3 1/2 yr old says she loves me, well my 3 1/2 yr old told her or has started saying lately” I love Anne” and wanted to make sure her mom wrote in my card to tell me that and send me blow kisses. It also said/sounded like she’s started saying more when they mention me etc. that she loves me and sends me “blow kisses” – can you just imagine how adorable that is.
That just made my day, my week, my month etc. to hear that my 3 1/2 yr old is saying she loves me and sending me “blow kisses” all the time and especially for Mother’s Day – I was so overwhelmed with emotion and joy when I read that in the card. I just wish I could have hugged that sweet little princess, given her kisses back and told her I love her too. I mean sure I send/write to my 3 1/2 yr old that I love her and send her hugs and kisses all the time…but for some reason reading that card this time made me want to scoop her up in a bear hug cause she’s so adorable.
I also recently heard from my 5 yr old’s mom in an e-mail in March or April that they had more to tell me later because my 5 yr old is really understanding and recognizing more who I am to her as her bmom etc…I’m still waiting on all the details from them…but that was the basic update they gave me…so my heart was full to overflowing with love and gratitude when I read that my 3 1/2 yr old is starting to understand a little more who I am now as well.
I don’t know how to explain it really, but I just feel like so many emotions, but some of the stronger ones are joy and a type of achievement or satisfaction, perhaps, in knowing that my girls are starting to know me and will know as they continue to get older who I am and how much I deeply and unconditionally love them. And that all the pain and heartache and range of emotions in dealing with the bitter and the sweet in keeping up contact with them and their families, letting them know that I’m here for them when they want to talk to me or meet me and that I’ll always love them unconditionally, which at times has been a lot harder than I thought it would be, it’s really all working and they’re starting to acknowledge and respond more to me and my efforts as they’re growing up and understanding everything more.
I don’t know if any of this is even making sense, because I’m trying to figure out how to put it all into words and because it’s so awesome to me to know that my girls can see me in pictures and movies and know who I am. They can hear and recognize my voice from home movies I send and they have gifts and things they both use and hopefully will cherish one day from me with them and in their homes. They can and have started to say or have their moms tell me that they love me and send me blow kisses…I just can’t tell you how much that does for me, how much it warms my heart and then breaks it at the same time, but how much more than the pain I feel overwhelmed with joy and hope for the future with my relationships with their families and with my girls.
And so I had to share…and to my 3 1/2 yr old, I love you too and *send blow kisses back and hugs* and to my 5 yr old, I’m so happy to know you’re understanding and knowing more who I am, I love you and *send hugs and kisses* to you too.