That triggers something for me sometimes still…August 11…it’s been 7 years now since I got married the first time on August 11 in 2000, which ended in divorce in 2001. The divorce was final by the judge on June 1, 2001 after I had kicked my ex-husband out in April, I believe it was.
Anyway, this date of August 11 still has some triggers and emotions for me even after all this time…it’s lessened a lot and I’ve moved forward with my life and let go of a lot, but there’s still some things there from that first marriage. I always think maybe one of these years I won’t notice the date of August 11 and it will go by me without me noticing at all, but that hasn’t quite happened yet.
Right now though, this date is something I still notice and remember to an extent. I remember how happy I was, innocent and naive getting married on this day 7 years ago…only to have it all fall to pieces almost immediately after I married. Anyway, I remember my first wedding and everything…the whole bittersweet thing sometimes still especially on this date of August 11.
I find myself specifically at times around this date each year, remembering my ex-husband, and wondering if he’s changed at all since I was with him. If he’s figured out and/or found any kind of real happiness for himself in his life with anyone else or not and I do know because of happening on some information by chance once about two years ago or so that he has a son by some ex-girlfriend of his and that he hasn’t married again since we divorced and he’s still looking for happiness and hasn’t changed much at all.
I hope that someday he’ll be able to figure out and find some real happiness for himself in his life and change himself for the better. But he’s not my problem anymore so I don’t dwell on it anymore, but these thoughts pass through my head nonetheless on this date of August 11.
I guess you could say that to an extent I still grieve for my failed marriage and some things on the date of August 11. Well and perhaps I think more about it sometimes like this year and last year because I’m heading toward another marriage with another man, who’s totally different and so much better, wonderful and well fitted for me than my first was.
So, perhaps I have thought a little more about my first marriage and my first husband because I’ve found someone else to have happiness with and to be with and since I’ve figured some things out and been able to find happiness and a second chance at a happy, successful marriage in the future with someone now, I hope for my first husband to find the same for himself some day.
Just some random thoughts I’ve had in my head today, I guess and some emotions etc. that I’m not quite sure how to express or what to say here other than what I’ve said.
It’s the whole thing, I guess, with having lost and letting go of one dream to find and have another better dream now.