Just Thinking…Again

Yep, here I am, thinking…my deep thinking, which usually happens late at night when I should be sleeping ha ha.

I was going to go to bed and write in here tomorrow, but I decided I should write it down now while it was fresh in my mind, in case I forgot it by the time I sat down to write in here tomorrow, which I’ll still probably do, knowing myself.

Anyway, I was thinking about Cory and how everything’s happened between us and it really is an interesting story if you know it from what I’ve mentioned here in the past.  So, I was just thinking about how I always said that whoever the guy was that I’d end up with would have to be patient, understanding, loving and so forth because of all that comes with me that he’d have to deal with, ya know and Cory said something just in random conversation about a week ago that just hit me differently when I was thinking about it just now and I realized he is that kind of guy.

It was about a week ago on Friday night, when I was down visiting my parents and working on figuring things out down there…Cory and I were hanging out with his friend Jeff and Jeff’s brother, Wes and I was in a weird, hyper mood.  Of course, it was normal for me to be in a weird, hyper mood on a Friday night when I’m having fun with my boyfriend and some other people I knew too, ya know.

Well, I was a little crazy that night and joking around with them being all weird and we were just talking about things when Cory said this that struck me.  He said, in reference to us joking about if Jeff were to try to date me kind of thing…he said to Jeff, well let me tell you, if you really think you would want to try to get to know her and date her, if I weren’t dating her – it was a weird and silly conversation – you’d have fun, hanging out with her, getting to know her and all, but you’d have to put up with some crap and you’d have to take some jabs she’d throw at you, but if you really wanted to get to know her and saw underneath how she really was then after you waited it out for a while, she’d stop throwing jabs at you and be this wonderful, amazing, beautiful girl that she is because she’d finally realize you weren’t out to get her or hurt her like other guys and that you really loved her and were in it for her because you really did love and care about her.   Well, I may not be exact, but I think that was pretty much the way he said it.

Then, of course, after he said that, Jeff and his brother, Wes, looked at him kind of weird for a second, then looked at me and went okay then.  It just hit me when I was remembering and thinking about this just now that he has waited me out and put up with my jabs until I’ve finally started to realize and know that he’s here for me and really loves me and doesn’t want to hurt me.  He’s waited for my walls to weaken and start to come down and to let things happen when they happened instead of trying to push or rush them like other guys tried to do in my past.

He’s had to be patient with me a lot and still does have to be patient with me as I do with him…but I don’t know how to explain it…it just dawned on me in a different way of how much he must really love me for him to put up with me and to have waited all that time to get to the real me underneath all my walls I’ve put up to protect myself.

I mean does any of this make any sense…I could just be rambling because it’s late and I need to get to bed.  It struck a cord with me that brought another level of realization to me about him and his love for me and everything, ya know.

Okay, I better get some sleep before I have to get up for church tomorrow and then I’ll see if I come up with anything else to say in here that helps make more sense out of this, if this doesn’t make any sense, that is :p.

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