Well my emotions are kind of haywire as they usually are on and off simply because I’m a girl, first of all, but mostly because of it being the wonderful Mother’s Day time of year also.
I don’t know there’s a lot of things filtering into my emotions being kind of out of wack right now…Mother’s Day, being a girl, just having one of my up and down times – more down than up, my boy being gone and things with my boy that I’m probably more touchy about just because of my emotions being kind of haywire and it being that Mother’s Day time of year too.
It’s just that last night I got upset when I was talking to the boy because I said something about the wedding stuff and he told me to not worry about it because it’s still a ways off and he doesn’t want me to stress about it right now. I was like okay whatever and then he’s all well you need to get the ring on your finger and get engaged first and then we’ll figure out all the little details of the wedding then, but you’ll drive yourself crazy thinking about it now.
Then he’s all going off about that and I don’t know…he was just being a typical guy in a lot of ways, but that with the fact of how my emotions were getting a little edgy from Mother’s Day stuff and the emotions were starting to turn to the not so happy part after the happy part of having gotten the picture and watched the home movie yesterday and I was wishing he wasn’t in Cali last night in particular, but then annoyed at the same time and aaah I don’t know…I’m just a girl having fun on my stupid never-ending emotional rollercoaster ride, I suppose.
I just got kind of upset and annoyed with him on the phone last night and that combined with the not so happy emotion after effects of watching that home movie especially setting in and all, I ended up crying myself to sleep last night and being mad, frustrated, sad and everything all at the same time toward him, toward myself and toward life in general.
Anyway, I’ve still not been in that great of a mood today although I’ve been trying to break out of the down mood and the urge to hibernate. So, when the boy text me this morning to be all morning sunshine good luck with job hunting and hope you have a good day, it didn’t sit well with me and I text him back that I wasn’t sunshine nor was I in the mood for it so he left me alone for a while and then text me again.
I don’t know I just was wanting to be alone, by myself, today and not have to talk to anyone or anything, but of course that didn’t happen because I had to go run some errands and do some things where I had to talk to people and I didn’t like it much. Then since I was in that mood of wanting to be alone and not talk much, I was more annoyed with him texting me during the afternoon and part of the night about how boring the job is etc. and then he tried to call me twice and left a message once. I was gone one time without my phone when he tried to call and the other time I was in the shower so I finally text him back and said goodnight love you and left it at that because I didn’t feel like talking.
I hate him being gone in Cali and it sucks that he’s suppose to be out there for like 13 more weeks since he’s almost been out there a whole week – one of the suckier weeks of my life. I hate that he left when it was right before Mother’s Day time too because I don’t think it helped with my emotions – of course, I didn’t know it was going to affect me this way and I thought I’d handle it and my emotions fine, but I’m having a little harder time dealing with it than I thought right now.
I’m just having one of those times where I want to crawl under the covers, curl up in a ball and hide until it’s all over. I almost want to go to sleep for a long, long time and have someone wake me up when September ends for example like that Green Day song ha ha. I’m also in one of those times where I’m like I don’t know if I can do this – this whole him being away in Cali and me not going insane thing and all.
I mean the way it affects me with him gone is not like what I thought it would be…it’s a little harder and of course, I’m trying to act like it’s all fine and not let him know how much I hate it or how hard it’s been for me this past week. I’m trying not to let him know when I’m annoyed or upset with him cause my emotions are kind of out of wack or how much I’m counting down and missing him or anything either.
*SIGHS* Oh, well…not much I can do about it…it’s one of those times where I feel like that saying, “Men, can’t live with’em and can’t live without’em either” – I’m just kind of annoyed and frustrated right now, but my emotions will probably go on the up again soon…well, I hope…we’ll see.