Time for a little rant…

Okay so I’ve already been on an emotional rollercoaster lately right with Cory’s impending departure and us being apart for 3 months while he goes off for the summer to try to make some money selling…well this weekend has been like emotional torture for me…well I’ve had worse emotional torture, but it’s been emotionally hard and torture of sorts…so here’s the story of what this weekend’s been like so far…

So, Friday, the plan is to drive down with Cory and his car of stuff to his parents house and then we go to see Spiderman 3 and hang out etc. and planning on he’s probably going to fly out sometime Saturday so I drive him down with his car of stuff to his parents house on Friday afternoon and we hang out, go see Spiderman 3 and so forth. I say goodnight and all to him Friday night, thinking I’m probably not going to see him Saturday cause he’s going to be flying out right and then just as we’re saying goodnight on Friday night, he says to me I’ll need you to drive me to my brothers so his brother can take him to the airport tomorrow so I’m like okay.

Then Saturday he texts me and says never mind, I’m not flying out until tomorrow morning meaning Sunday morning at 8:45 so let’s hang out with my brother etc. tonight and then I’ll leave tomorrow so I’m like alright. I go over and hang out with him at his brother and wife’s house and a few other people on Saturday night. We watched the Jazz game and ordered pizza, had fun and then after everyone left, we hung out with his brother and wife for a while and then his brother and wife go to bed and Cory and I stay up a couple more hours watching a movie and cuddling.

Well, Saturday night, I go to leave and we stand and hug and kiss and hug and kiss etc. saying goodbye for a little while and take care, have fun, but not too much fun without me, be safe, love you, miss you, love you, miss you, I’ll talk to you soon and so forth. Then after we do the hug, kiss etc. for a little bit, Cory says I think it’d be easier if you leave now and I’m like okay, I’m leaving and I go to leave and he grabs me and hugs me again so then we sit there for another little bit and then he’s like okay you need to go now and I’m like okay I’m going so I go and we get out the door. Then we’re on the doorstep and he’s all okay I’m going to stand here and watch you and wave bye so I’m like okay so I go to get in my car and leave and then he’s like wait, grabs me and hugs me again, love you, take care, miss you, okay you need to go now and I’m like I was going and then you…he’s like well I’ll just watch you leave from here so I’m like fine and hurry off to my car to leave before we end up hug, kiss etc. again, right.

Then I leave Saturday night and go home and feeling good and like I handled it pretty well and I’ll be okay and it’ll be okay and I thought it was a good day and like the perfect goodbye and all right so I’m like all okay good now we get on with life and all again, right. Well then Sunday morning, I wake up and there’s like 2 or 3 texts on my phone so I check and guess what, yep, it’s Cory again saying oh so never mind you wanna hang out again tonight or is it to hard to say good bye again after last night and I’m like is this for real.

So, I ask him what happened and he tells me that his brother gives him his plane ticket and then they get his stuff to go off to the airport and they get to the airport and his brother’s telling him how to check his bags etc. and so Cory’s like let me check if I have my ticket so he checks, can’t find it anywhere and they call his brother’s wife who’s at home asleep and ask her and sure enough the ticket’s back at the house so they get it and get to the airport again and he goes through checking his bags and all. Then he gets to the gate and goes to the person and they’re like oh yeah the plane already left so his suitcase left on the plane without him and then he sits to wait to see if he can get on another flight after that and things just don’t work out so his brother has to go back to the airport after his brother’s left him there and get him and bring him back and he’s like yeah I’m just going to fly out tomorrow meaning Monday morning at 8:45 now.

Well so I’m like okay I get an extra day that I thought I wasn’t going to have with him and at the same time I’m like but last night was the perfect goodbye and all so I’m like dude I hope that if he’s really going to go to Cali, he gets on the plane and goes for real this time because I’m not sure I want to keep having extra days and keep having to say bye and thinking he’s going to be gone the next morning for the next 3 months to wake up and find out, oh, never mind I’m still here again.

So, that’s part of my rant that I can’t believe how many times I feel like I’ve said goodbye and gotten my mindset started for 3 months without him only to wake up and find out, oh, never mind I was just kidding that I was really going ha ha…well at least that’s kind of what it feels and seems like to me even though I know he didn’t mean for that to happen those times, ya know.

Anyway, my other part of the little rant here is that okay, so I have this extra day with him, right so I go over to his other brother and wife’s house and eat dinner, hang out, talk etc. with him and his two brothers and their wives and play with his 2 nephews and hold the little baby nephew of his for a while. We’re having fun, getting to spend some more good time together and having fun with his brothers and wives and nephews, right and then in the middle of us all having a good time, talking, hanging out and all, Cory’s phone rings and he goes to check it.

Well then Cory answers his phone and goes off into another room to talk to this person for like, what seems like forever and it was probably like maybe at least 30 minutes, if not more and his one brother says as Cory walks off, who’s he talking to and that brother’s wife says I think it’s so and so referring to Cory’s sister and so they’re like okay. Well then after Cory’s gone for a while his one brother says again, something like is he still talking to our sister and they’re like I guess so and so his one brother’s like okay, whatever. Then I’m sitting there getting annoyed because I’m wondering who it is and if it’s really his sister too because I had this suspicion that it was this girl, he use to be good friends with from high school, who I was jealous of in the past that I try to like, but I just don’t like her that much.

And I was getting annoyed because here I was, I’d come over to spend time with him, extra time we thought we weren’t going to have before he leaves and we’re going to be apart for 3 months and he goes off for at least 30 minutes talking on the phone to someone instead of spending time with me and his family – I mean I don’t know, it just kind of rubbed me the wrong way, if you can’t tell ha, ha.

Then after what seems like forever, Cory comes back in and his one brother’s like who was that and Cory’s like oh that was …you guessed it the girl he use to be good friends with and still is kinda friends with from high school that I don’t like and I was like instantly pissed and gritting my teeth. Then I rolled my eyes cause I was really peeved and his one brother who’d asked who it was laughed at me and then Cory’s other brother says to Cory, you still talk to that girl?? I didn’t know you still knew let alone ever talked to that girl…I haven’t heard her name in ages and then Cory’s like well that’s cause you hear her name all the time now, referring to me and I’m like dang straight you hear my name all the time and not that girl’s anymore. Then his one brother who was all like you still talk to that girl sees the look on my face and says hmm maybe I shouldn’t say anything looks like that might be a sore spot huh and I just try to smile, but kinda nodded my head in response because yep that girl is a sore spot with me and I try to not be annoyed or jealous about that girl when she calls or talks to Cory, which she only does every once in a blue moon, but it is hard for me.

I’ve only ever met or been around this girl once and I just don’t like her and I feel like she’s my competition sometimes even though I know she’s not as far as Cory’s concerned, but sometimes I think that this girl likes Cory and wishes he’d want to be more with her than he does or ever has wanted and I don’t like her being around because I have that suspicion that she hopes that things won’t work out with me and Cory so she can try to be with him or something. It may be a stupid and unfounded suspicion or it may not be, but she rubs me the wrong way either way.

I try to be nice and tolerate it because she’s one of Cory’s friends and I’m trying to respect his choice in what he does with friends etc., but seriously I wish this girl would fade away out of his life already and I don’t know how much I’m gonna like or put up with her calling him after we get married because seriously I just don’t know, ya know. Anyway, I’ve been so ticked off ever since I found out that when he went off for that time that seemed like forever cause he was talking to this girl of all people instead of spending time with me and his family when we’re going to be apart for the next 3 months that is if he actually leaves for real this time.

Oh my gosh, that just royally ticked me off today that he went off and talked to that girl, most of the time I don’t care and don’t let it bother me that much, but this time it did because of the circumstances. Then I got more ticked off cause he told me the whole reason she called was to say yeah for me I finally moved out meaning of her parents house or something like that and I’m like if that’s all it was why didn’t she just send a freakin text and he goes off to talk to this girl for that?? I mean oh my gosh that irked me and then I got more ticked off cause he said to me, yeah and I was talking to her and she asked if I/we were official yet meaning with being engaged right and he says to her, well depends on who you ask, she’s got a date picked and most everything planned, just has to be put into action and I was just sitting there trying not to get upset cause I was thinking to myself, oh my heck, the one person I want him to tell he’s engaged to more than anyone in the whole world, this girl, he tells oh it depends on who you ask?? He’s told other people he’s engaged, but she asks and he says depends on who you ask??? I wanted to scream and be like what the heck is wrong with you?! But I didn’t say anything because he does this back and forth thing with telling people and friends one time depends on who you ask and the other time yeah we’re pretty much engaged, but oh my heck – augh!!!

I was so annoyed with all that today during this extra time I thought I wasn’t going to have with him and thought we were going to really take advantage of this extra time and then he goes off to talk to this girl and tells me these things that tick me off to no end and I’m just like oh my gosh I’m so mad at him right now. Oh and then to top it off when we say bye again earlier tonight, he just gets out of the car to go back into his brother’s house and kisses me and says k bye have a good summer, be safe, love you, miss you, don’t worry, everything’ll be fine and repeat the goodbye of last night and so I was like okay, um , love you, miss you too, be safe, take care etc. and repeat the goodbye of last night back to you too and then he’s like I don’t want you to come in and drag it out any longer and I’m like okay whatever and then he’s like this’ll be good for us and I’m like what the hell…maybe you can fool yourself into thinking “this’ll be good for us” but I don’t agree or necessarily think it will be and that is the worst possible thing he could have said to me when we’re saying bye again so I was like do not say that to me right now and he’s like okay all looking at me like what’s wrong and I’m like looking at him like if you want to die say something stupid like that to me again right now, go ahead and try it and so he’s like well I do love you and I’ll miss you, take care, be safe, gnite and see ya so I’m like okay, love you, miss you, etc. nite and see ya back to him and then he gets out of the car and goes up to the door, waves and goes inside and then I leave and come home and then I was going to go straight to bed cause I have to get up earlier than usual for a job interview, but I was so annoyed, I had to get this written and out of my system before I went to sleep or it would keep me awake.

Seriously though, I really want this girl from his high school friends to like get a boyfriend, get a life or something and stop calling my boyfriend even though she doesn’t talk to him that much…after today she’s on my black list for the moment. I cannot believe Cory went off and talked to her for as long as he did when we had a little while left to be together before we’re going to be apart for 3 months either and in the middle of us hanging out and talking with his family too and all just for her to say yeah for me I moved out and oh so are you official yet, well I don’t know it depends on who you ask, she’s got a date and things planned, but I don’t know -AUGH!

Then there’s the whole issue that we went through of whether or not it was really that great of an idea for him to go out and try to sell for the summer because his boss called him and said I think you should make sure of this before you come out because it’s not going to be easy etc. and oh my gosh, that was frustrating trying to talk to him about that decision because he didn’t seem to listen half the time I tried to talk to him about it. Man, I’m worried about him going out and how this summer’s going to be for him with this selling job and I hope he proves us all wrong and sells and is successful, but I’m just really worried about him and his hopes of getting all this money from sales is going to get crushed and he knows because I’ve told him about how I feel and what I think…now that I’ve told him, I’m just trying to stay positive and supportive and hope he does get all the sales and money he wants this summer and that I’m wrong for ever worrying about it, but I am nervous about it, I just hope it turns out good for him, I really do and well if he’s going to do this, it’s good he does it now to figure out how he is and likes it with this selling job etc. before we get married, ya know.

Okay, I think that’s all of my little ranting and raving for now…I may have more to add tomorrow if he doesn’t leave again or something else happens, ya never know. I hope everyone else is good and I’m gonna hurry to bed so I can get up for my job interview and to do some more job hunting again.

UPDATE: It’s now Monday morning, May 7 and Cory text me just a little while ago to let me know he was getting on the plane to head out to California at about 10:00 a.m. so he’s finally really left and I don’t have to say goodbye again.  Thank heavens for that because I don’t know how much more of the goodbye ha ha just kidding I’m still here stuff I could have taken after yesterday.  I can finally start off the countdown and the long summer until I see him again in August…3 long months or so it seems like right now…hopefully it will go by fast though.

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4 comments on “Time for a little rant…

  1. Yep that’s what I feel it is, innocent and naive and for an ego boost, but still not fair.

    Some of it also has to do with his fears with getting married or about commitment, I think, he goes back and forth with more than just her about saying one time I’m engaged, another I’m kinda engaged, another I’m informally engaged and another I’m getting married to Anne and another time, it depends on who you ask so I’m thinking after the summer and when the proposal is totally official, he will start saying he is marrying me period.

    At least, I would expect that he would say that from the time on once I have that ring on my finger, ya know. But I’m just trying to chill out for now cause he’s gone for the summer and then address anything that needs to be addressed later on.

    It’ll all work out alright…just have to make sure I handle what I need to and not blow anything way out of proportion when and if anything like this needs to be addressed after he comes back from this summer job.

  2. Well.. he needs to be firm with her. It may be her holding on.. but he is perpetuating it. He needs to be clear and direct.. I am marrying Anne. Period. By dancing around it, he is also keeping her on a string and giving her some kind of false hope. Even if unintentional. I willl say, though. That this is common with guys and it does seem to be innocent and for an ego boost. But still.. not fair to her. And inadvertantly hugely disrespectful to you.

  3. Yeah he is saying that to not deal with the drama and well he goes back and forth but he has started saying more lately that he’s informally engaged and that we’re getting married to more people.

    Anyway he talked with me about the basic planning ideas for the wedding so he is on some planning, but I’m doing most of it and he doesn’t do much cause he’s not into the details and all like I am, which I’m fine with.

    So, I think the only reason he went to the other room to talk on the phone was because he was in the room with all of us and didn’t want to be rude talking on the phone in the middle of the conversation with all of us. I think his family was bothered by it too though.

    But yeah I’m not worried about him doing anything, I’m just not sure about her. I’m hoping she’ll find a guy and not be a problem by the time he comes back from the summer, not that she’s a big problem right now, but it kind of bothers me.

    Well, anyway I’m not going to put up with her being around if I feel like the situation isn’t resolved by the time we get engaged and/or married. I’m not going to have another girl in my marriage that is an old good friend of his like that…I’m just not comfortable with that at all.

    I’m sorry, but I can’t have another girl in my marriage like this might be if it’s not for sure resolved before we get married. I think she’s the one who, if anything, has the problem with moving on and I may be making a bigger deal out of this than it is, but I’m not going to put up with it if I’m uncomfortable with it or not sure the situation’s resolved by the time we’re suppose to get married either.

    It is the way it is, ya know. I wish he wasn’t in California because I’d like to talk to him about the whole situation, but I don’t want to do it now when we’re apart.

    And I think he did wonder about if he shouldn’t have talked to her like that and all too because he asked me if I thought it was rude for him to go off and talk to her like he did and I said well I can see how it would be because your brothers asked about who it was and what not and we were all there talking and hanging out with you because you were going to be leaving for 3 months the next day so I don’t know…you figure it out and he’s like okay and then we dropped it because I didn’t want to say something I’d regret right then and I wanted him to think about it for himself, ya know.

    So, yeah fun fun, ha – not.

  4. Yes. You have every reason to be upset. He may have good intentions, but being friends with someone who doesnt have good intentions is out of line. Now he may be saying “depends on who you ask” so that he doesnt have to deal with the drama.. but if the situation is that you need to go to the other room to take a phone call from a girl then that phone call is probably out of line.

    Dont marry him unless you are sure this situation is resolved. Especially if he is saying “she” has it all planned and not “we” have it all planned.

    Im not saying jump the gun.. I m just saying watch with clear vs. rose colored glasses.

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