Seven Years

I was sitting in church Sunday morning and another person was talking who mentioned thinking how long since they had come home from serving their LDS mission so I started thinking about it.

I was blown away when I realized to myself that I have been home 7 years…it’s been 7 years already since I came home from serving an LDS mission to Uruguay. That’s kind of hard to believe…I was just like WOW…7 years already.

Then I kept reflecting on it and thought of what the past 7 years have been like and what’s happened for me in my life and how I’ve changed in the past 7 years and just Wow. I didn’t think so much could happen in 7 years like it did for me and life keeps on happening for me too.

It’s just here’s the rundown of the past 7 years:

I returned home from serving an LDS mission to Uruguay in March 2000 (Si, hablo espanol).

I met my ex-husband on an lds chat site and then I got married in August 2000. The marriage went downhill fast as in it started going to crap on the honeymoon already, we tried to work it out, do counseling etc., he was abusive, it didn’t work end of story.

I got a divorce which was final June 1, 2001 – I remember this because I celebrated it as did my family and friends lol.

I was working at Wal*Mart, I believe it was, I met J, who I worked with and we started going out, he turned out to be an okay guy at first, but I ended up getting pregnant and he became what was defined as the deadbeat kind who denied it and walked away kind of thing.

So, I was pregnant and broke up with J in about July or August 2002 and then had A, my first girl on 3-14-03 and placed her for adoption with a couple who she was and is their first child. They still have no other children at present, she’s the only child and they spoil her rotten as do I and I’m working to try to open the adoption up more with them and slowly making progress as you know if you’ve been following that part of my story.

I went into the black hole of depression after I placed A, then I started dating and going out into the social world again too soon after I had placed her. I say that now because looking back I can see that it was too soon. Anyway I ended up dating another guy, J.J., who turned out to be a not very good guy with abusive tendencies, manipulative, controlling etc. and I found myself in the cycle of violence or similar with him and wanted to break up with him. Of course, with him, I was lost, confused and vulnerable so I had been intimate with him and I remember I was waiting for my period one month and hoping I wasn’t going to be pregnant so it would be easier to break up with him without any issues and then I was pregnant and my world crashed down around me all over again.

I was going to marry J.J. for a brief period of insanity and then I came to my senses and realized it would never work so I broke up with him. He knew about the baby and wanted to know what I was going to do and I was still trying to figure things out so I told him to give me space, but he didn’t know how to leave me alone then he started threatening me, stalking me etc. etc. so he turned out to be what they called the psycho kind and I had to do my best to go into hiding from him and his family to protect my unborn child and myself back then. I had to go into the hospital under a pseudo name and all that jazz. I remember my stress level was really fun back then – ha, ha – NOT.

So, all that was what happened in Fall of 2003 and beginning of 2004 and when I broke up with him was April or May 2004 and then I had K on 11-21-04 and placed her for adoption with another family because the first family for personal and other reasons couldn’t adopt K at that time. I ended up placing K with another family, who has also become like my best friends and I love them to death just as I do the family I placed A with too, that had another daughter who was 7 or 8 who they’d adopted that was excited to be getting a sister.

Then after placing K in November 2004, I continued counseling and out of the past 7 years, I was in counseling for around 4 of those 7 years. I discovered my core issues, such as co-dependency, which I’m a recovering co-dependent now, having low self-esteem, self-confidence and insecurities and how to deal and cope with them and of course, dealing and coping with all the things I’ve been through, the grief and healing and so forth. In the past 7 years, through all the counseling, I discovered the toxic nature of my mom and her issues and influence on me also. I could on and on with the counseling and what was discovered and so forth in all that time out of the past 7 years.

In January 2005, I went back to school and had one of my best semesters yet. Then I kept at school and finally achieved my Associates degree in April of 2006. Also I kept attending counseling for a while during that time and then stopped counseling during that time also because I had made all the progress I could with my two counselors and learned all I could and was ready to ‘graduate’ from counseling during that time as well.

After achieving my Associates, I decided to transfer to the University where I currently was attending, but just barely decided to withdraw from for a variety of reasons, personal and otherwise. I met Cory (or I should say re-met) within the first week I was up here living on my own and getting ready to attend Fall semester at this University and we started hanging out and becoming good friends.

Before I knew it, Cory and I were dating and then boyfriend and girlfriend, had held hands, hugged and kissed for the first time by about the middle of October 2006. Then in November 2006, we met each others families and for the first time, Cory mentioned the word ‘engaged’ around my family and then we had a great Christmas together in December 2006. Also, in December 2006, my relationship with my now 4 yr old and her family opened up some more when we exchanged some identifying information and changed some of how we mail things to each other and so forth.

After Christmas time 2006, in January or February 2007 sometime, Cory and I were sitting around and for the first time he tosses off “so, you wanna get married?” and then we got kind of engaged – informally engaged, whatever you want to say. Then we talked and decided on a general target date for the wedding of December 2007 and then recently he started going back and forth with saying alright I guess we are engaged except we don’t have a ring and so on. So, it depends on who you ask or how you look at it as to whether we’re engaged or kind of engaged.

Anyway, it’s amazing to look at the past 7 years and see where I was when I came home from serving an LDS mission, to where I was during the abusive marriage, to where I was after the divorce, to where I was with the two guys and having and placing my two girls, now 4 yrs old and almost 2 1/2 yrs old, to where I was through all the counseling, to where I was with school, to where I am now with school, the relationships with my two girls and their families, to where I am now with having Cory in my life and planning and talking about getting married by December of this year. It’s just amazing to me how everything has gone in my life in just these past 7 years from some of my lowest lows ever to now some of my highest highs ever with more of my highest highs yet to come later on this year.

It really does blow me away to reflect and look at everything that’s happened with me and my life in the past 7 years. Who knew anyone could have such a busy, eventful, both extremely good and extremely bad time in 7 years.

Wow, I’m glad I’m done with the past 7 years though and can look forward to other things now because some of those past 7 years were the hardest for me as well as the best in some ways, but I don’t know if I’d want to go back to live through some of those past 7 years, ya know.

Anyway, fun times taking trips down memory lane :). Oh and can’t forget that out of the past 7 years has come some great learning experiences etc. from working as a volunteer with different things and that out of the past 7 years have come some really great, close and dear friends that I wouldn’t have ever met had I not gone through some of what I did.

So, out of the really hard times and all, I have still gained a great deal in many different aspects and for that I’m very grateful.


5 comments on “Seven Years

  1. Hi Anne,

    By chance I came across, ok been on my “favourite” forum for the first time in ages:). Certainly brought back memories of your story reading this entry. Haven’t forgotten about you, just had a crazy few days and late nights. A couple of SofA friends got worried about me so they have been chatting to me on IM as one is in America and the other in Canada hence the late nights.

    Love ya sister

  2. I am so glad you have a good connection with the families that adopted your girls and hope with the first born your adoption will become more open.

    What a lot you have been through. I am so glad you are in recovery now and have a lovely man. Some people never get to the place of recovery.
    I am so grateful to be in recovery for the things that made my life terrible.

    It’s not easy to look back, I am very happy that you are looking forward and feeling positive about your life. Good for you.

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