Well I am finally coming out of the rut I seemed to have fallen in for the past while. I am not really sure what happened, but somehow for, I think, a few different reasons I fell into a rut for the past while especially emotionally speaking.
I have started to finally get my bearings and re-ground myself again so that I am getting back to an okay place and feeling more at peace with things. Now that some better weather and Spring has started to show itself a little more that has helped out with me and my state as well. Also, my boyfriend, family, friends and all of you have helped out with cheering me on from the sidelines so thank you for that :).
Of course, I expect that I will still have some emotional rollercoaster effects and such within the next week or two because my oldest bdaughter will be turning 4 years old next week on Wednesday, March 14 and I still have to write the birthday letter to send to her with the birthday package. I just bought my oldest bdaughters birthday presents the other day and had a little bit of some emotions surface as usual, but because I am feeling better and coming out of the rut I was in, I seemed to do better processing through some of the birthday emotions the other day.
I have started figuring out some things that I wasnt sure about and am feeling better about things with my life and the direction its going in general again. I also decided to read through some books that I read through in the past and when I was in counseling before that helped me when I got in emotional ruts or needed to make peace and be okay with things.
The book I read just last night, which is a nice thoughtful short little one, is one Im thinking of reading more often to help me with my self-confidence and such. Its called “My Beautiful Broken Shell” by Carol Hamblet Adams. Another book on the list is “Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie. I think both these books are great ones to read and check out if you havent already.
Also two other books on my list to re-read are “The Peacegiver” by James L. Ferrell and “He Did Deliver Me from Bondage” by Colleen C. Harrison. These are two great books that have helped me a lot just as the two I mentioned in the above paragraph also, but these two books are somewhat more religious and LDS-Mormon related than the ones above. To give you a basic idea of what these two books are about in case you wondering, they are both books about Christ and how He can help you and how putting your faith and trust in him as well as using prayer etc. can help. If you want to check them out then feel free, they are just books that have helped me in the past and so Im working on going through and re-reading them all again :).
Anyway I just am finally starting to feel and do better with things again and slowly getting my bearings and myself back to my okay place again. I am starting to find and make peace with some things again and doing better on not beating myself up about the past again, which also with my working on reading these books again that is the focus of a lot of these books is how to forgive yourself, move forward with life and make peace or reconcile with things that are hard, which Im in the process of doing and finally making progress with again now :).
The road with healing and everything is a long one and hard at times, but you just have to keep at it, keep on going, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep on keepin on so that is where I am at and what is up with me lately :).