The Scarlet Letter

Anyone else remember reading or hearing about The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne back in High School or possibly Junior High. I remember reading, discussing and writing a book report on it back when I was in High School.

I remember thinking how insane, somewhat cruel and backward these people were and how it was with this topic of adultery and this particular woman who had to wear “The Scarlet Letter of A” for her punishment or something like that in their messed up society. I don’t remember exactly everything, but that seems like that was part of the story and the book.

I was remembering this just the other day and thinking how sometimes it feels like or can feel like I’m wearing The Scarlet Letter, but the A doesn’t stand for Adultery, it stands for Adoption as in adoption related issues. I mean does anyone else feel like they’re walking around wearing a Scarlet Letter on their chest somedays simply because they placed their child/ children for adoption or how about simply because of having a child out of wedlock. It is the way it is, I know, but I thought society now wouldn’t reinforce strange things like this concept of The Scarlet Letter, but I have to wonder about that and re-think that our society isn’t as backward as the society Nathaniel Hawthorne portrayed in his book.

It’s like I’m me, this wonderful, great girl to everyone I meet, hang out with and get to know until they hear I had and placed not just one, but two children for adoption…oh no, I must not be this good girl they thought I was anymore just because I made some mistakes in my past. I’ve heard comments from others after they find out I’ve had and placed two children for adoption like but she’s such a nice girl, she’s such a good girl like someone like me couldn’t possibly have made those mistakes or because I had and placed two children I might not be such a nice, good girl anymore.

I only want to be myself and to be accepted for who and what I am with everything there is about me, past, present and yet to come, but sometimes people can’t seem to reconcile themselves or be okay with that past and present me. Sometimes people can’t get past that label of birth mother and having had not one, but two children out of wedlock and so sometimes I feel like I have a permanent Scarlet Letter on me because of my past.

A Scarlet Letter because I was married and divorced…

A Scarlet Letter because I was abused…

A Scarlet Letter because I had a child out of wedlock…

A Scarlet Letter for having a second child out of wedlock…

A Scarlet Letter for being a Birth/First Mother…

A Scarlet Letter for My Past all together…

Somedays it just feels like that and somedays I feel the burn of The Scarlet Letter(s) on my chest, heart and soul. Sometimes it’s because of myself that I feel The Scarlet Letter(s), other times it’s because of others, because of society and because of bad experiences and things that trigger me that I feel The Scarlet Letter(s), but I feel and deal with it the same almost every day it seems.

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6 comments on “The Scarlet Letter

  1. So true, heavenandheck, so very true. They do make me who I am and I found a book I was looking over last night that is called My Broken Shell and talks about this very thing more or less. It talks about loving and accepting yourself and all your brokenness…so I read it last night and I’m probably going to post more about that and other books etc. I’ve been looking at recently that have some good thoughts about loving and accepting yourself.

    And it’s true, I do look good in red ;). Thanks :).

  2. You should be proud of all your Scarlet Letters (plus, you probably look good in red!)! They are what make you who you are. If you hadn’t had the troubled past you did, you might not be the same compassionate person that you are now. Love yourself and love your mistakes. 🙂

  3. Thanks for the great comments, gals =). I am working on turning it into something positive, it’s just frustrating sometimes, ya know lol.

    Anyway, it will be fine…just have to keep on keepin on sometimes =).

  4. You are a good woman Anne. Just carry that in your heart and not the scarlet letter. Make it be a big G for Good, for Godly, for Gracious, for Great and for Girl with big heart.

    Everytime you think of the scarlet letter turn it into something positive. I can well relate to this post.

    I am a good woman too.

    And the biggest G of them all: you are GLAMOROUS.

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