Another Wave of Emotion

I know, big surprise, huh, but I’m experiencing another wave of sadness on the emotional rollercoaster with being a mother who’s placed two girls.

I was doing fine and then I sat down to look over this book I was asked to review a while ago to put any last minute comments or anything on it before I mail it back tomorrow since I’ve been busy on and off with school and all and have been meaning to get this book reviewed and sent back for a while now.  I was also thinking of printing out my story to turn back in with the book review just so they can read where I’m coming from, but we’ll see if I print it out or not.

Anyway, just reading some of this adoption book and reviewing it, of course, triggered some emotions for me plus I’ve already been up and down a little lately and then my oldest girl’s 4th birthday is coming up on March 14th that I need to get ready for in the next while here too so I suppose the timing with looking at this book wasn’t great either.  Of course when is the timing great, I mean almost any time I looked at it, it would most likely trigger some emotions in me.

I suppose what triggered some emotions and bothered me the most was the chapter and the idea in this book I reviewed about letting go and how you’re suppose to let go and move on or something.  I don’t agree with that idea…I don’t think you can ever truly let go of your child or what not and move on after you’ve placed them…I mean how do they expect you to do that anyway.

I know I can and have been moving forward with my life and I don’t constantly dwell on not having my girls with me and so forth, but how do they really expect you to let go and move on…I suppose what bothered me most there was the choice of wording and I said so in the review that I’ll be sending back in the mail tomorrow too.  It just bothers the heck out of me when people try to tell you that you’re suppose to let go and move on with your life already like sometimes when I’ve had a few people taken aback or surprised by the fact that I’m still in such active contact and such an active part with my girls and their families when they’re 4 (soon) and 2 like some of them actually said or thought I should have stopped talking to them or being an active part in their lives by the time they were 1 or 2 years old.

Let’s be realistic here…if you had a child would you stop being a part of their life or having contact after 1 or 2 years?

That bothers me when some people seem to think you’re suppose to shut yourself off after you’ve had and placed your child/children for adoption like okay we’re all done now and I’ll just be fine, let go and move on like nothing ever happened ha ha.  I just love how people sometimes are like that, don’t you.

Okay, I’m done with my soapbox now lol :p.

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11 comments on “Another Wave of Emotion

  1. Yeah, isn’t that just the way it is :p.

    Well, I hadn’t decided for sure about March, but are you still open then or what? I mean I have Spring break for a whole week from March 12 – March 16, I think it is and Cory said he was maybe going to do something with his job and wanted me to go have fun =).

    So, what’s your plans for that week in March and what’s the idea or thought you’re throwin out about California instead? Fill me in and I’ll let you know…although you do know I might be a little up or down etc. around you that week if I came there or to Cali because Mar. 14 is Allie’s Birthday :p.

  2. Well the goal, I think, is being able to allow other good things into your life and not constantly punish yourself and dwell. But not move on and let go. Well.. you are a psych major, too…. you get it.

    The 1 or 2 year thing is just stereotype.

    I dont think they are meaning to be abusive.. it is just lack of knowledge. I think it is hard to put yourself in those shoes. It should be easy for parents to identify with the pain, but unfortunately we are portrayed in the mainstream as not wanting or loving our children. The main reason we place is an alternative to abortion according to everything out there… so that sort of gives insite into why that statement is made.

    All that can be done is educate. But unfortunately, we as a group arent even able to come together amongst ourselves so we certainly cannot do it to change the main stream view.

    Ok… Im done with the soap box, too! ((HUGS))

    (Are you coming here in March? Want to go to California instead?? Let me know!)

  3. Hi,
    Found you through Kim.
    I’m an adoptee from Australia.
    (my sister was also adopted out – and we just found each other this year)
    Sending you hugs and hope tomorrow is a better day.

  4. Yeah that’s what I thought and what I was wanting to say when I read this chapter and idea in this book about the letting go and move on thing.

    Thanks for helping me with forming my thoughts into words that made a little more sense with what you said =).

    Thanks for your friendship and all too…it wasn’t a major wave of sadness, just a little bit, I guess…because I feel better now that I’ve written about it and what not…just one of the normal emotions on the rollercoaster ride, I suppose =).

  5. Telling us to move on is abusive. We learn how to cope with it and we find ways to survive but we don’t get over it.

    The getting on with your life and moving on theory is a way of coercing a baby away from a mother – giving her the false idea that her grieving is limited and not ever lasting.

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