Okay so I was looking around online today at some stuff on my computer earlier and the boyfriend was here and he all sees on something I was looking at where I’d written a sentence or something by my name on a website I go to about waiting so he starts asking me what I’m waiting for.
Well, I’m just like um, play dumb and oh, I don’t know what I’m waiting for because it caught me off guard that he saw that and started asking me questions, right. Anyway, I didn’t know or wasn’t sure what to say, how to say or if I wanted to say, well, ya know, I’m waiting for you to get your butt in gear before I die or the milennium or the end of the world comes :p.
Anyway, so I didn’t say anything because it caught me off guard and I wasn’t sure what to say or how to respond, but then my boyfriend’s all well I’d like you to tell me what you’re waiting for because then maybe I could help you with what you’re waiting for…ya know, I’d like to help you with what you’re waiting for if I can and I was like hmm, I don’t know if you do or not and he looked at me weird and then the subject of discussion got changed. Seriously though sometimes I wonder if he would want to help me with what I’m waiting for if he knew what it was and that it was about him taking a long time to propose or do anything with marriage, ya know.
I don’t know, I’m having one of my frustrated times, which I’m sure I’ll have many more of as time keeps going on here where I’m wondering if he’s even on the same page as me or am I being foolish and a stupid girl with stupid, unrealistic dreams that will never happen or come true with him or anyone else for that matter. I mean am I just setting myself up to be crushed, shattered and get hurt like heck again or does he actually care and love me like I do him and enough to take the leap and the risk and propose to me sooner rather than later or not.
I’m in one of those moods where I feel like and wonder if anything even matters anymore as far as all of this is concerned, I mean do ya know what I mean. I mean am I wasting my time waiting for nothing or am I waiting for something, I’m just rambling and frustrated and feeling insecure right now I suppose. I don’t know plus I’m tired and need to get to bed so I can get up for class tomorrow, but I just sometimes feel like my boyfriend and I are on completely different pages when it comes to the marriage/proposal idea and possible timeline.
So, I’m totally feeling the whole thing with “men are from mars and women are from venus” idea right now and lately :p.
Blah, I just keep hoping and wishing for a miracle to drop on his head or suddenly show him the light, but sometimes it’s much more frustrating than others :p.
Well, I better hurry and get some sleep. I hope everyone has a good one :).