I just wanna hibernate…

Anyone else feel like this that’s placed a child/children for adoption around their birthdays.

I just have a hard time with living normal life and trying to function as well sometimes around my girls birthdays that I’ve placed, ya know.  I got a great letter from the mom of my girl that’ll be turning 2 this coming Tuesday last night and ending up bawling my eyes out.

Anyway, today’s been kind of a crappy day too and another crying fest.  I’m really hurting about it and missing my girl like crazy right now.  I just wish so bad that I could hold her in my arms again and I don’t know how I keep living and surviving with how much my heart hurts over this sometimes, ya know.

I just want to go hibernate until her birthday and placement day are all come and gone.  It’s getting worse and more painful since Tuesday, her birthday’s, almost here and a lot closer now.  I just want Thanksgiving to be over with already.

*Sighs*  I don’t know why this seems harder for me right now, but for whatever reason it is and I feel alone because I’m living on my own away from home.  I mean my parents and usual support system aren’t here.

I mean sure I can call them and I’ll see them soon enough when I go home on Thanksgiving break and I have friends and a boyfriend that tries to be helpful and comforting too, but it just seems harder right now…I don’t know.

I’ll survive somehow…just like I always do, but it still really sucks and hurts right now, ya know.

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10 comments on “I just wanna hibernate…

  1. Anne,

    Birthdays are hard. Sometimes not just the day but the whole month. And a letter or a phone call or a visit doesn’t really change that. I feel like on my daughter’s birthday, the loss is so much more vivid. This was the day that made me a mother and yet I’m not her mommy. I’m not making the cake or tucking her into bed etc. Allow yourself to grieve. Surround yourself with loving people. Give yourself some solitiude. Start your own ritual to honor the loss each year. And know that you are not alone. Many hugs for you on this day.

  2. Thanks Barb and Kim.

    I appreciate your support and all. It’s good to know that there are others who feel the same and understand it all too.

  3. Pingback: Any mums relate to this? « kim kim’s reunion writings

  4. You’re not alone, come on over and read our blogs, I am adding you to my links. There is always a chair for you at our table.

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