It’s that time of year again…doing the birthday thing for one of my girls, my second, who’ll be turning 2 in just a couple weeks now.

I’ve got some of the stuff bought and ready to go to send to her, but I’m still trying to find one or two more presents to send.  I also want to burn a CD and have to write the birthday letter and I’m doing all this with school and all its icky homework stuff too.

I’ve done this before, doing all these things at the same time and dealing with the ups and downs of my emotions around the birthday time, but the birthday letter still gets to me.  That birthday letter still gives me major stress and a little anxiety at times too.

It’s just so hard to write the birthday letter every time and I keep thinking it will get easier, but it hasn’t yet.  Well, I don’t know, it all depends, I guess, it’s more the thinking and anticipation of making myself sit down to write it that kills me because a lot of the time when I finally sit down and write it, it just flows along with the tears, of course.

I guess that is what is hard for me at times every time I write the birthday letters is having the emotional rollercoaster ride with it.  I mean I don’t really like crying all the time…I know it’s healing and good for me, but sometimes I wish I didn’t have to go through these emotions everytime, ya know.

I’m feeling more pressure now because I have to go buy a couple things, do the CD and make myself write the birthday letter by this coming weekend because I have to send it by this Friday or next Monday at the latest so it will get there on time.  I would never be able to live with myself if the birthday package was late getting to them, but that’s just me. 

I think I’m putting more pressure on myself too like I always do with these things so I sometimes make it worse on myself than it has to be.  I don’t know, I’m just really stressed right now about the birthday letter and dreading the emotions and all that always seem to happen, if ya know what I mean.

Anyway, I’m just stressed and thrown off and a little all over the place since earlier today when I just was thinking and realizing that it’s only like 2 weeks until her birthday already.  I’m like only 2 weeks – ack, where did the time go…it seems like it was still October just yesterday, ya know.

Well and then after her birthday is Christmas and the end of the semester and finals – ick.  So, it’s starting into a little bit more of a stressful time for me with school, finals, end of semester, her birthday, Christmas, blah, blah, blah, ya know how it goes this time of the year sometimes :p.

I’ll survive and I’ll be fine, I know.  Things will probably end up being better or not as bad and stressful once they’re over and done with, but right now, today and tonight, I’m having a stress fest so bear with me for now okay :p.


5 comments on “Ahhh!!!

  1. Birthdays are hard. I wasn’t able to send my daughter letters but I wrote one every birthday. There’s lots of mum on my links section, open adoption mothers too if you want to come and read and be part of the circle.

  2. Yeah, I have kids, two girls, but I placed them both for adoption so that’s why I do birthday letters because I send stuff to them and their adoptive families on their birthdays.

  3. Thanks, Christine.

    Cory’s trying to get me to go running with him at 5:30 in the morning – ha, ha like that’ll happen lol :p.

    I’m doing better and not as stressed, down and whatever today though :).

  4. I didn’t realize you have kids! That’s great. I’m sure the birthday letters are hard to write, but think how worth it they’ll be when she’s eighteen and moving away from home for the first time. She’ll have such a loving reminder of her mom. 🙂

  5. *hands over ice cream and slurpee*

    I was down yesterday and I went for a two mile run last night.. it helped a lot..

    Endorphins are good. ((HUG))

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