Here Without You
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I couldn’t decide what song to put because I found quite a few, but I decided to put this one for now.
I don’t know why, but my emotions have started going haywire just since the other day when I realized it was only 3 weeks until my 2nd girl will be 2.
I’ve had a really bad day with it and my emotions and all today too. Figures that I would have a hard day today since it was a crappy Monday :p.
I’ve been crying on and off all day today and then a while ago I sat on my floor and heard one of the songs come on that gets to me and lost it sobbing on the floor for an hour or so. I hate it and it hurts so much every time.
I don’t know how I survive sometimes and Cory has no idea that this is going on with me because I kept to myself today. Well and as you know some of you also do this as well, but I tend to want to withdraw and hide under the covers so to speak until it’s all over and her birthday has come and gone.
It’s all I can do sometimes to make myself get up, go through the motions and go to school etc. when I hurt like I do around each of my girls birthdays.
Now that I have a boyfriend, it’s a whole new ball game with the emotions too. I mean he told me I could tell him and all, but I hide it or keep to myself because I’m afraid to expose that part of me to him sometimes.
I don’t know, it’s like today on and off he’s been texting me and tried to call me once or twice and I haven’t answered the phone or been very upbeat with my texting conversations with him today. I’ve felt torn and gone back and forth between wanting to tell him what’s going on with me today and all and not wanting to tell him.
I’ve sat and cried on my floor wishing I could have been with him and that he could have held me in his arms. Then the next minute while I’m crying I’ve wished I could be back home with my parents and then the next minute while I’ve been crying I’ve wanted to curl up in a ball and just hide until all this pain and heartache goes away that I always feel each time one of their birthdays comes.
I don’t know, I’ve just been having a rough time with my emotions and everything today. I’ve just been having a hard time wanting to go to Cory with this, but holding back still.
*sighs* I hate this sometimes. I really do, ya know. I just wish I could have a break from it all and stop feeling for a while because it gets so painful sometimes, I mean ya know.
Hopefully, tomorrow won’t be as crappy for me :(.