The Verdict Is In…

…and I’m even more sure now that I am starting to/already falling for him and hard.  I feel like this is happening against my own will here, but nonetheless these feelings are starting to happen even more now.

It’s just that I saw him after not having seen or heard from him for almost 4 days, which is the longest we’ve not seen or heard from each other in a while now.  Anyway, I thought that I’d see him and be like okay cool, he’s here again and that’s life.  I don’t know, I didn’t expect to react or feel the way that I did when I was with him again.

I can’t explain…I felt like this giddy school girl, but then when I was over at his place and saw him walking up to me after not having seen him for like the past 4 days, I suddenly got shy.  I know, it was weird, but I was standing there like this shy little girl trying to contain my excitement and happiness at seeing him again. 

Then when he was standing in front of me and asked me how I was doing I was all scuffing my shoe on the sidewalk looking down all shy and telling him I was fine, all demure and stuff.  When we were in the car and touched my hand, I thought I was going to die because my hand felt like it was on fire and I was getting tingles all over especially on my hand where his hand was touching mine :p.  I felt all woozy, light headed and weak in the knees too.  I was kind of nervous being around him again too because I felt different and I was afraid of him seeing and sensing the difference in me and my feelings, which I think he did even though I tried to hide it. 

Oh and then when we were standing, talking and just looking at each other while we held each other, I found myself feeling mesmerized by him and his beautiful face.  I don’t know, it’s just that I looked at him and his face and he looked different, better and even cuter somehow to me.  I had a hard time keeping eye contact with him too much because I was nervous and afraid of what he might see in my eyes and what I might see in his.  The moment was just too full a lot of the time with him.

I also remembering stroking his cheek and gently carressing his face while we were talking and cuddling at one point and finding myself gazing at him feeling myself getting completely lost in that moment and in those feelings for him.  I’m not sure how to explain it, but those feelings were intense and during that time I was feeling suspended in time with him, if that makes sense.

I can’t believe this is happening to me and I’m getting more terrified as it keeps going too.  I’ve never felt this way before or started to feel this way before about anyone…I mean sure I loved and deeply cared for my ex-husband, but what I’m feeling/starting to feel for Cory is much more, deeper, intense and different than what I felt for my ex-husband or anyone else and so this is that much scarier for me.

On another good note, I got an e-mail from my almost 2 year old’s mom and we’ve had a kind of rule/limit with our correspondence for a while where we wrote like every 2 months or something like that.  Well, she wrote to me and told me that she wants to lift that 2 month limit on our correspondence now and that she feels like I’m one of her dearest, close, best friends who she trusts so she thinks it’s kind of silly to have that 2 month limit now. 

She feels like she’d like to open it up so we can just write/e-mail to each other whenever we’d like, perhaps more frequently and whenever we can.  The only thing she wants to keep with opening up to write whenever we’d like now is to have the rule that we don’t let more than 2 months go by without writing, which I don’t have a problem with.  I was really happy to hear that she’s feeling this way and feeling closer to me and that she like trusts me more now, ya know.

So, things are going good with school and living away from home on my own for the most part.  Also, things are progressing and still going good and seeming to get even better now with Cory and now things are also changing and improving here and there with my relationships with my girls’ families and everything too :).

Oh and one more thing, Cory decided that “Hanging by a Moment” by Lifehouse is now going to be ‘our’ song.  It just had it’s thing the other day when he heard it, but then today when we were in the car and heard the song again, he said so I think this is going to be ‘our’ song so there ya have it :).


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