Okay, so things with Cory and I just keep getting more and more interesting as time goes on and things develop and happen here.

I’ve been freakin out on and off all day today after hanging out with Cory last night.  I mean oh my freakin freakin freakers – you’ll never guess what happened – he held my hand last night – eeek lol!!!

I’ve been freakin out ever since last night when he held my hand.  I still can’t believe he held my hand, eeeeekk lol, I’m such a girl!  Oh and then he hugged me when we said good night – he hugged me – oh my gosh lol.

So, ya know, I’m getting more scared of this as it goes.  Now I’m feeling a little on the terrified side today because I’m like oh my gosh, he held my hand *shrieks* lol and oh my gosh he hugged me *shrieks again* lol. 

Well and I guess what scares me more than he held my hand and he hugged me – oh my gosh, I still can’t believe that.  Anyway, what scares me more than that is how much I’m starting to care about it all.  I mean like how much I’m starting to care about him, about whatever happens, about stuff I’m too scared to voice out loud still – eeeek :p.

I’m kind of freaking out in a good way, but it’s really scaring me and I keep waiting for something to go wrong.  I keep waiting for what is it that I’ll find that will make it wrong and not work because that’s how it’s always been with other guys before now.  I keep holding my breath waiting for it to stop going so good, but somehow it still keeps going good and I can’t believe it, but we keep getting closer and more comfortable with each other when I keep thinking we couldn’t be any more comfortable with each other, ya know.

I just don’t know, I’m terrified of the feelings I’m starting to feel because I haven’t felt this way about anyone or had the hint of these kinds of feelings in a long, long time.  Then again, maybe I never really have felt this before…it’s really scaring me though.

Well and then there’s that dumb little voice still in my head that every once in a while surfaces to say are you sure you deserve to be with someone like him that is so good and nice and everything.  I mean like that voice that’s always like what does he see in me anyway, why hasn’t he lost interest yet or when is he going to lose interest in me and so forth. 

Ya know that dumb little voice of insecurity – it’s still around, but I’m dealing with it and going on with my life anyway.

I just can’t believe this is happening with Cory and I so far and it’s just so unreal to me.  I don’t know, it’s just different and a whole new ball game to me doing things the way I am with Cory – the more normal way that is :p.


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