Okay so considering my recent post to say that I’m more okay with the idea of dating and hanging out with people, more specifically guys again, I’ve had some other thoughts come to mind here.
I think I’m more just writing these thoughts to write them and get them out of my head than anything. Of course, if anyone has feedback that might be helpful than go ahead and comment, if you’d like.
So, what thoughts have come to mind because of my step toward being more okay with dating etc. again have to do with dating etc., of course. Anyway, it’s like this, I’ve dated and hung out with some guys in the past that have known some of my past and I’ve had all kinds of reactions.
I’ve just been thinking or maybe wondering what it’s going to be like dating and hanging out now, this time around. What is it going to be like this time around when I tell these people/guys about my past?
I mean I’m kind of nervous and hesitant to share some of these things and my past with people. I don’t know what some of them are going to think, do or how they’re going to react so it makes me kind of nervous, ya know.
I mean, okay, first hurdle when I’m getting to know someone is telling them about my divorce and bad/abusive marriage. For the most part, when I tell people that I’m divorced and been in a bad/abusive marriage, they’re okay with it. I mean most of the time, people are mostly accepting of the divorce/bad marriage part of my past. That hurdle isn’t usually that big of a problem or anything with people, it’s the other hurdles that cause the various reactions from nasty to nice and sometimes cause problems too.
After the first hurdle of divorce/bad marriage, then there’s the other hurdles of adoption, that I placed not one, but two daughters for adoption, that I’m still in contact and part of their lives and their families/adoptive families lives in a way and so forth. When I tell people I have two children I placed for adoption, they’re not always as accepting as they are of the fact that I’m divorced and had a bad/abusive marriage. When they find how much I’m part of my girls lives and their families lives even though it’s only through letters, pictures, home movies and packages, some people become even less accepting.
I have had all kinds of reactions to when they find out I’m a firstmother/birthmother and have placed two daughters. I’ve had it from nasty to nice from people online and in real life. I don’t know what I’m going to come across with the people I meet when I’m at school away from home. I’m feeling kind of nervous about meeting new people, hanging out, dating and eventually telling some of these people about my past. I’m feeling nervous about their reactions and what I’m going to come across.
I don’t know, I just wish it was easier somehow to tell people these things about myself and my past. I mean, okay, if any of you were hanging out with someone, getting to know them and they told you they had two daughters they placed for adoption, what would you do? How would you react?
I don’t know. I think I’m thinking too much, which is something I do a lot of – thinking too much lol. I’m just nervous about that part of sharing my past and myself with new people especially new guys again after I’ve known them for a while – eeek :p.