Now when are my thoughts not a mess or on tangents you might ask – who knows lol :p.
I have a few things going through my head all at the same time. My thoughts are going off on tangents all over the place. Of course, they seem to do that a lot anyway.
Okay so first I was talking to my parents and said “guess what I saw tonight while I was out”. My parents proceeded to try to guess and of course came nowhere close so then I told them what I’d seen and along with telling them what I saw I told them my tangent thought process that went with it lol.
My narration went something like the following here.
“I saw my dream car and my dream truck while I was out except they were both red and I don’t want red because that would attract attention from cops I don’t want lol. Yeah so it was this nice sporty car and it had a cute guy in it and the cute guy was by himself ;). I saw that and was thinking, too bad he’s by himself, I could be in there with him, ya know” and then my parents responded laughing and shaking their heads at me.
Then I continued with my narration, “yeah and then I saw this truck and you know how I’ve been wanting a truck for my next automobile. Well this was a Toyota Tacoma, four door, just the right size, not diesel and perfect for me except it was red. Oh and did I mention that the truck had a cute guy driving it by himself too and I thought too bad, I could be riding in the truck with him too” and my parents continued chuckling as they listened to me going on and on.
Then my mom said, “Well what if they had girlfriends or fiancees, but they just weren’t with them right then?” I said, “Well, so what, I could have at least just gotten a ride with them if I had wanted to, right?” Then my parents just looked at me weird.
I continued on talking about it and said, “Well, see if I wanted to, I could have pretended to not have a working car and be stranded somewhere. Then they’d come by and have to help me, pick me up and drive me to where I needed to go. Then I’d at least get a ride in my dream car or my dream truck with them even if they had a girlfriend or fiancee that wasn’t with them, right?”
Then I paused and continued on again, “But then again, I don’t think I would ever do anything like that because getting into a car for a ride with a perfect stranger especially a strange guy wouldn’t be very smart, now would it? And then what if I went on the ride with the guy and then he went to drop me off and tried to make a move on me or kiss me or something. I mean I couldn’t let him do that, now could I? So, no, I couldn’t just get a ride with the guy and then be dropped off safely at my destination. It wouldn’t work because the guy would probably end up being some weirdo or something. Then he might expect something in return for his giving me a ride because you know how some of these guys think they’re entitled to things that they’re not entitled to and should have to earn in reality. So, no, even just getting a ride with them to be in my dream car or truck wouldn’t work and they’re just strangers, why would I want to ride with strangers? I wouldn’t so this is dumb that I’m even thinking or talking about this, right?”
I looked at my parents and they were both trying not to crack up laughing and shaking their heads at me. I asked them why they were shaking their heads like that. They told me, “well, you went from the beginning of just telling us that you saw your dream car and dream truck while you were out tonight to the end conclusion of men are bad and only after your body”.
I have to admit once I reviewed my thought process and what I’d just said. Then looked at it from the perspective of starting at talking about dream cars to ending up at men are bad etc., I had to shake my head at myself and ended up cracking up at how my thoughts went on the paths they did lol :p.
Then I was reading through some blogs earlier and read about someone wanting a person with “minor emotional damage” to date or be with in a relationship, which caused me to chuckle. I mean I suppose it’s possible to find and be with people who only have “minor emotional damage”, but I don’t think it’s necessarily probable or likely in most cases that I know of anyway. Well and for me as a 29 year old that’s divorced, with two girls I’ve placed for adoption and so forth – you realize that I am, of course, looking at “minor emotional damage” and such through jaded glasses.
From my jaded perspective, when I hear “minor emotional damage”, I just shake my head because I don’t know many people who make it through this life with “minor emotional damage”, do you? I don’t know, maybe I really am very jaded lol – heck, I know I’m pretty jaded, but for me, my reality is that my prospects in the dating world aren’t as likely to be the kind that have “minor emotional damage” for the most part :p.
My reality with the dating world and guys is a heck of a lot different than I planned, of course and a heck of a lot different than I would have thought it would be for me at 29. I mean, for example, I’ve had some guys try to talk to me on some online sites and in real life and some of them have been in their late 30s or early 40s. My initial reaction and thought to them has usually been, eww, they’re so old and not my type.
Then I find myself sitting back to think about it for a moment and find myself laughing and shaking my head at myself again. I shake my head at myself because I’m like, um, hello, Anne, you’re 29 now, you’re not that young anymore lol.
So that reality has just started setting in more for me lately that I am more in the range of dating prospects with the age of early to late 30s and 40 isn’t that much older than me relatively speaking, which is kinda scary to think about lol. Now, don’t get me wrong here, I’m not planning on dating guys that are 40 or older, I’m just saying I’m starting to see how 40 year olds aren’t that far away from 29 year olds relatively speaking.
Well and then some guy on myspace sent me a message today talking to me about being friends and he’s 31, divorced with two girls. I was like, um, I don’t know if I want to be friends – I mean why is he divorced, was he the one that caused the divorce or what – then I stopped and thought, hey, is this what some people think about me when I say I’m divorced. So, I squelched that thought because I mean really what right do I have to think that about someone I don’t know besides I know how upset it makes me when people think, ask or second guess me because they find out I’m divorced.
Anyway, I was just trying to find a reason or something valid to use in my thoughts for a reason not to be friends with him. Why you might ask – because I’m kind of afraid of hanging out with guys and see that’s what scared me is this guy lives near me – eek. See, if guys talk to me or ask to be friends and they live in another state or an hour or so away from me in my state that’s totally cool with me, but if you live near me, I don’t know if I want to be friends cause that’s just kind of scary to me.
I mean what if I say okay let’s be friends to this guy who only lives like 15 minutes away from me – ack and then he wants to meet and hang out with me in person. Nope, nope, I don’t think I can handle that yet so see I’d like to be friends, but I don’t want to hang out or meet in person right now or anytime really soon either. It makes me want to hyperventilate and hide when I think about it. Yeah, I know, I’m a wimp and a scaredy cat, but I have good reason to be this way and you know it especially if you know my story so :p nah nah.
Just another one of my dilemmas in my “soap opera” life lol :p. Oh, well, I’ll be friends and hang out with guys when I’m ready, I don’t have to rush. It’s not like that 31 yr old guy is the last guy that’ll ever talk to me – it’s not my last chance, there’s still time.
Okay and I’m looking over at my Hollywood Video site to see what movies have been recommended for me lately. I’m looking at my recommended movies and I don’t know about that computer recommending some of these movies for me :p. I mean, what the freak man, the stupid computer recommended some TV series from HBO about a group of lesbian friends and their lives and loves in Los Angeles.
Ewww!!! I don’t swing that way – I’m NOT a lesbian and I don’t want to watch that either. I mean no offense to you if you do swing that way or watch that stuff, but I don’t swing that way and I don’t like that stuff – ew.
I’m totally straight, thank you very much. I don’t need to watch lesbian shows or anything like that. Okay, the computer is just messed up and I’m gonna have to straighten it out on that topic. Nope, nope, I can’t have the computer being confused on what my sexual preference is here. I’m only interested in men, which means I’m straight – not bi, not curious, not lesbian – straight – you got that, you weird, dumb computer :p ??
Okay I’m done venting and writing down all my weird tangents for the day now lol :p. Everyone go have fun now :).