I’ve been planning and talking about sorting through all my stuff that I’ve accumulated over the years recently. The thing is I have a ton of stuff to sort through so the prospect doesn’t exactly excite me because of how much there is to sort :p.
But it’s more than the normal hesitancy to go sorting through all my crap because there’s so much of it – it’s all the memories, emotions, etc. that are attached to a lot of stuff I need to sort through that cause me to hesitate even more.
I dread what I will find and come upon when I start my serious sorting within the next couple days. I don’t like the thought of all the triggers waiting to go off and set me off emotionally or otherwise as I sort and see things from my past that I’ve left hidden in these piles and storage room for so long.
I know I have to do this task and sort through all my stuff and deal with whatever triggers may be there lying in wait or emotions that will surface or memories that will arise to haunt me. I know I have to do this, I need to do this, but I still don’t want to and I certainly don’t look forward to this.
I may be making a bigger deal out of this than it will end up being, but then again I could be making an accurate idea of what it will be like for me to do this. I do know that I won’t be surprised if this sorting of stuff is much more than sorting of physical things and more for a sorting of the emotional, mental and spiritual parts of me.
It has to be done, but I do not wish to do it. I do have to do it and will do it even though I am very hesitant and somewhat dreading it too.