Mix of Thoughts & Emotions

I was thinking earlier about what to write in here today and I have a mix of things.  I’m not sure what to write or how to write it and some of it I have no words to express.

Some of these thoughts etc. being all jumbled in my head is because I’m feeling a little more tired tonight.  Some is because I’ve been fighting off a cold/sore throat this past week and some is because I’m having ‘fun’ on the rollercoaster of life :p.

Anyway last night, I meant to write something in here, but fell asleep instead.  Yesterday I was feeling like a repeat of this previous entry about wistfulness.  Today I kind of still feel that way and also feel like a repeat of something else I once wrote about grief.

I cried some today and had grief surface again in connection to having placed my two girls.  Of course, that’s nothing new for me, I know, but I hadn’t cried or had a surge of grief like this for a while so it kind of took me by surprise at first.

Anyway, so I’ve been feeling a little down today about things, my girls and all.  I’ve also been hard on myself again – not treating myself as more than a penny – I still have to battle with my self-esteem issues at times – most days are pretty good, but I still have my low days, ya know :p.

Well, I’m trying to find where that poem or whatever it was is that I wrote about grief that expresses how I feel now, but I’m having a hard time coming up with it at the moment :p.  I’ll just have to come back and look again to see if I can find and add it to this entry later on.