I was just sitting here browsing through myspace page, and some other blogs catching up on things when I decided to change some stuff around on myspace page.
So, I was browsing through some music videos on myspace to decide what one I wanted to put on myspace page and then some memories and emotions hit. I don’t know why I connect them or what it is, but I was watching the music video/listening to matchbox 20’s song Bent and it just hit.
All of a sudden I was feeling like I was on a trip down memory lane and remembering my ex husband and all that fun and not fun stuff about our marriage and relationship. For some reason, that Bent song by matchbox20 always held some significance in our relationship and it wasn’t a good significance either.
Just like that song mentions, my ex husband and I ended up bent and I feel/have felt like that a lot since him. “Can you help me I’m bent…I’m so scared that I’ll never get put back together…” or something like that are some of the words in the song and man if that doesn’t say how I feel/felt and have to work through that feeling a lot in my past especially – I don’t know what does.
But at the same time besides the hard emotional part of it all that the song brings back to me from my memories, it also brought back memories of how good things were in the brief time that things were good with us. So, it brought back good and bad memories of my ex husband, it was a major bittersweet rush of memories and emotion that just seemed to suddenly surface when I was watching the music video and listening to that song. I don’t know why it brought those things to mind, but it did.
Such a bittersweet rush of emotions and some of it an ache and a longing for what could have been if things had been different. Of course, we all know that’s a waste of time and I don’t usually think or dwell on that, but sometimes it resurfaces out of the blue and this time this song was the one that brought it back.
I just love having a past to deal with and that comes back to ‘haunt’ me so to speak at times, ya know :p. Ah, well, that’s life and I have to pull myself out of my memories every time and remember that it’s all in the past now and I really am in a much better place now for myself and with my life :).
I just hate when these emotions and memories from the past that were seemingly forgotten suddenly surface like that :p.