Bad Nightmare!

I had a way bad dream/nightmare last night :p.  I don't know where it came from or why I had it.  It was just totally bizarre.

I woke up all disturbed from it and it's still been lingering in my mind all day – hate that.  I wish it would just go away.

So, my weird, freaky, bad dream/nightmare was this…I dreamed that I got a phone call from my 3 yr old's parents and they asked me if I would like to visit and see my 3 yr old and so I was like YAY and thought that'd be really cool.  Well, then I visited and was having a great more open adoption with my 3 yr old and her parents in my dream and then the dream turned weird and freaky.

My 3 yr old's parents came to me after we'd been visiting and having a more open adoption relationship for a while and asked me if I would like to have my 3 yr old come sleepover so I was like sure that'd be cool.  Well, then after my 3 yr old spent the night at my house a few times in my dream, it got way weird in that all of a sudden my 3 yr old's parents asked me if I'd like to have my 3 yr old stay with me and visit for 2 1/2 to 4 months.

Now, in my dream, I thought it was cool at first when they were being more open with me and she was sleeping over and all, but then when they wanted her to come stay with me for 2 1/2 to 4 months – I thought it was cool, but also thought it was kind of strange.  Anyway, I was having my 3 yr old over at my house visiting and staying with me and everything was good and then after my 3 yr old had been at my house for almost 2 months, she asked to see or talk to her parents, so we called them.  This was another weird thing, I hadn't heard or seen her parents for almost 2 months since they'd brought my 3 yr old and her stuff to my house to visit and stay with me for a while.

Then when we called cause my 3 yr old wanted to talk to her parents, her parents were acting all weird on the phone so I asked them what was going on.  So, my 3 yr old's mom told me that they had something to tell me and then she proceeded to tell me (in my dream/nightmare) that she was pregnant and that they weren't sure they wanted my daughter as their daughter anymore because they were going to have a daughter of their own as in biological now.  So, see this is where my dream got bad and kind of turned into a nightmare.

I asked my 3 yr old's mom if they were going to come back and get my 3 yr old or not then and they said no, we decided we'd like you to have her (take her back) because we don't need her anymore since we're going to have our own biological daughter.  I was stunned, shocked, sooo mad and hurt in my dream/nightmare.

I didn't know what to do either because of the weird situation in my dream/nightmare.  I mean she only knew them as her parents, didn't really know me and I couldn't place her with someone else – I don't know it was just one freaky nightmare.

Then my mom grabbed the phone from me and said something nasty to my 3 yr old's mom so that my 3 yr old's mom told me that I either had to adopt back my child or if I wanted them to keep and raise her, they would, but only if there was no further contact between us because of whatever my mom said to them in my nightmare.

So, in my dream/nightmare, I was left to decide again whether to parent or place my 3 year old daughter.  Only this time was harder in my dream because if I placed or returned her to the parents I'd chosen for her then I would be closed off from my 3 yr old forever because my mother had screwed something up with something she'd said to them in my dream/nightmare.

I mean I don't know that was just one freaky, scary, weird, bad, bad dream/nightmare that I had last night :p!  It was really weird because it was one of those dreams that seem so real like it really happened, but it didn't.  So, I had to reassure myself it was only a bad dream/freaky nightmare all day long – bleh.

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