I watched this movie called "If Only" with Jennifer Love Hewitt in it earlier tonight by myself and bawled my eyes out.
I freakin got the movie because it looked like a good, worthwhile romantic chic flick type of movie. No one told me it was going to be such a tear jerker movie that I was going to have tears flowing like for the whole, entire movie.
Oh, man, that movie killed me. It wasn't the happily ever after, it's all picture perfect ending to it that I thought was going to be there and I didn't like that. I mean I live the non picture perfect ending in my own life, why can't I see it turn out happy in the movie. I have mixed feelings about the movie.
Anyway, once the tears started flowing, they didn't seem to stop for a while and I felt like the tears were about my life, my losses and everything I have/had to deal with emotionally. After a while, the tears weren't just from the movie, ya know, but that was in the mix of why the tears were there too.
So, I finally calmed down and got ready for bed. I was looking in the mirror right before I came in here to go to bed and noticing the sorrow/sadness in my eyes from this movie bringing it out and I felt like I could drown in the sadness in my own eyes.
I mean I was just having one of those moments looking at myself and wondering how one person can handle so much sorrow and all and still be happy and have good days like I do. It was one of those times where I was amazed by how much I've handled with sadness etc. in my life and not crashed and burned completely yet. I don't know if that even makes sense.
Yeah, so, I was thinking of music since I put music on my blogs sometimes and wondering what song would express my feelings tonight and I don't know that there is such a song. I thought to myself, seriously, what song can accurately depict, describe, the feelings of my soul – these feelings of overwhelming sadness and sorrow that are brought out by simple tear jerker movies.
What song is there that could be a voice for my heart and soul when I'm having a time where the sorrow is so strong?
The music or song ideas that come to mind are none with words, just a song of instrumental music. Music with no words that plays and speaks of sadness, loss and love. Music so moving, if I could find it outside of my thoughts, it moves you to tears and helps you feel something of the person's soul. Music that bares your soul and all that's in it without words.
There's something for me to find, a song – my song of sadness in the songs all over out there in the world.