From Thursday, May 04, 2006
When Was My Last Kiss?
I just finished watching My Girl 2 after watching My Girl and bawling the other night – I'm such a cry baby lol. Anyway, so I watched My Girl 2 tonight and watching this girl and boy at age 13 kissing – my mind started wandering and I began reflecting on all my kisses with the different guys throughout my life up until now.
So, after thinking about this for a while, I found myself asking myself the question, "When did I last kiss someone? When was my last kiss?" and I, of course, know I last kissed my psycho ex and my last kiss would have been about 2 years ago now, but I kept drawing a blank when I tried to remember the kiss that would have been my last kiss with my psycho ex. In other words, the kiss with him made no lasting impression on me.
Then I started frantically searching my memory for that memory of the last kiss with meaning I'd had with a person that had left more of an impression on me and had a hard time pulling up any specific memory. Well, after working on remembering for a while, I began to pull up a few specific memories with different guys from my past with kisses that had meaning and these guys that had more of an impression on me.
The thing was while sifting through my memories of guys and kisses, I found that a lot of the kisses blended together in memories and didn't stand out like "wow" kisses that sweep you off your feet. I did remember a few "wow" kisses, but not as many as I'd thought I'd remember.
Funny thing though, one of the "wow" kisses I remember was from a guy I was friends with for quite a while and we saw each other only a few times. He was mostly an online friend, but I saw and hung out with him a few times on and off for a time and he and I kissed once and I've never forgotten that kiss. It wasn't even a big make out french kiss or anything, it was just a simple kiss, but it had a lot of zing to it. I mean we'd been hanging out all day long one day and then we were sitting together watching a movie and then we just were talking, looking at each other and leaned and there it was – that kiss.
That one kiss with this guy was brief, but definitely a kiss and it left my head spinning and left me reeling from it for days afterwards. I remember after experiencing that kiss being surprised that a simple kiss like that could have such an effect on me like it did. It kind of scared me the way I felt after that kiss too – it was something I'd only felt rarely before with kisses and gave me the sense that I was free falling when I had that kiss. I remember it was like the world stopped turning and there was explosive sparks from that kiss. I never kissed him again or let him kiss me after that and our friendship and all didn't work out. It's a long story, really, because I still consider him a friend and think about him sometimes and sometimes wish I could hang out with him again, but he's not the right kind of guy for me despite the good part of him and our amazing connection with the kiss and all.
There was another guy who was an online friend that had the same kind of story as the guy above except we've never met and we've never kissed, but I know that if we did it would be a wow kiss too. I just know because of our connection we had through when we were friends and talking marriage at one time too, but alas like the other guy, he wasn't the right kind of guy for me either. With him, he had issues with my having ongoing contact with my girls and thought that I should have done closed adoptions basically so with that and other factors, he and I wouldn't have worked at all. Funny thing though, I still love and care for these two online guys even though they're no longer in my life and I can't have them in my life cause they're no good for me.
The other wow kiss I remember was from my ex-husband, but I never had a wow kiss from my last two exes after I was divorced. Speaking of which, I was thinking earlier how on June 1, I'll have been divorced for 5 years now. I can't believe it's been 5 years since I was divorced in June – that's just weird to think about sometimes, ya know. But even with the wow kiss from my ex-husband, there was still something lacking from that wow kiss that was there with my wow kiss with that online guy friend of mine for one.
Anyway, going on this tangent of kisses and when was my last one and everything, I started wondering when will be my next kiss. How long until I'll have my next kiss and will it be a kiss with zing or just another kiss to blend into my other memories of kisses. I wonder what the kiss will be like from my future husband when I meet and date him. Maybe his kiss will be even more than a wow kiss and even more than a kiss with zing and I'll lose my senses and have a hard time breathing after his kiss when I meet him one day – maybe. I know I'm a romantic, what can I say. I hope for a future husband with more than wow kisses one day.
I hope I remember how to kiss when someone wants to kiss me again – it's been so long – 2 years seems like quite a long time sometimes so that sometimes I don't know if I remember how to kiss lol. Oh, I know I'll remember and all, but sometimes those thoughts go through my head anyway, ya know.