Frustrating…

From Wednesday, April 19, 2006

It's really frustrating sometimes being a birthmother, ya know. I mean there's so many topics that people bring up that get so heated sometimes and I can't believe some of the things that I hear from others that are affected by adoption.

I just get really irritated and blown away sometimes when I hear discussions about birthmothers day vs. mothers day and how or if you should recognize your child or children's birthmom. I mean some of what is said is fine, but then I hear things like I shouldn't have to recognize my child's birthmom because she signed away all her legal rights so she's no longer a mother – I'm the mother not her and I'm just in shock when I hear this viewpoint from some adoptive mothers.

I mean you don't see or hear me saying or constantly reminding my girls adoptive moms that guess what without me you wouldn't be a mom or guess what my children I placed with you always be a part of me and I of them because I carried them for 9 months and gave birth to them because that's not how I see it. I mean my girls amoms don't see it that way either. They respect and treat me as an equal and also still as a mother to my girls even though I signed my legal rights away and even though I'm not the mother who is raising them.

I mean my girls amoms don't feel the need to remind me that I signed my rights away and they would never dream of telling me that I'm not a mother because I signed my rights away because they don't see it that way or feel that way about me and the whole situation either. I mean I'm just blown away that some of these adoptive moms feel that have the right to tell a birthmom, hey remember you signed away your rights so that means you're really not a mother anymore and you'll never be a mother to your child again because I'm the mom. I mean like what is that ha, ha I've got your child now so it's my child now and I'm the mom and you'll never be the mom cause that child's mine now and we can't share – hello – how mature, respectful and nice is that.

I don't know about people like that. I didn't think there were any adoptive moms or people out there in the world like that, but obviously I was wrong. I've just been around and associated with all the nice, mature, respectful adoptive moms who see things the same as me, I guess. I just didn't think someone would be like that toward their child's birthmother – ever, guess I've been in a sheltered, hopeful world then, haven't I?

I just wonder how would these adoptive moms who feel the need to constantly remind us birthmoms about how we signed away our legal rights and that we're not the mom, they are would feel if the roles were reversed. Seriously, would the adoptive moms who express these feelings of the child's mine now so even though you gave birth to them and share an incredible mother – child bond with them, they're mine now and I'm the mom and you're not a mom at all anymore to this child – would they be able to handle it if they were a birthmom and heard that sentiment expressed from their child's adoptive mom? I just think that maybe some of these adoptive moms should try to put themselves in our place as a birthmom before they say things like that because I'm sorry, but I will never stop being a mother to my children even though I placed them with other families.

True, I'm not the mother who is raising my children and my role is different, but I am every bit as much of a mother and have a role as a mother to my children even though I'm not raising them as the mother who is raising my children. The other mothers of my children that are raising them understand and agree with this concept and want my children to grow up knowing me, their other mother and respect, love and have a relationship with me if my girls so desire to have a relationship with me as they get older.

So, this just frustrates and saddens me to hear other adoptive moms express thoughts and feelings like this that they're the mom and remember you, as the birthmom, signed your rights away so you're not the mom anymore and we can't share. I'm just glad and feel very blessed that the adoptive or other mothers of my girls don't share these feelings or thoughts as some of these other adoptive mothers do.

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