Comments on: Why do “bad boys” want “good girls”?

By: triple M.

triple M. — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 01:34:04 +0000

I think every one has an inner bad in them like ''breaking rules' ''having fun'' ''doing stupdities'' and just to have a little fun , discover , expeience , love.. and if they cant express that , they fall for people who can.SO if your good ull far for the bad because u have an inner bad inside of you but you cnt expess it like the bad one does, BUT if your bad u''ll fall for the good because you have an inner goodness inside of you but you cnt express it like the good one. BAD BOYS have experienced tuff worlds trying to fit in the society but couldnt , disobeied, thats why they've turned bad , and they know that, and im sure they wouldn't wanna stay that way, they just want HELP, ATTENION, MOTIVATION someone who can just show them SOMETHING DIFFRENT someting BETTER and GOOD , to show them that they can be happy by not bein bad my point is they are intessted in goodgirls because THEY ARE THE ONLY ONES THAT ARE REAL, IN THE BAD BOYS ''BAD WORLD OR ENVIRONEMENT''.

By: anny

anny — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 04:07:05 +0000

I have both good and bad girl qualities but I grew up w/ emotionally unavailable parents and abusive parents. I can relate to guys that came from a broken home but I always wanted good guys. I discovered that looking for a good guy puts me in a vulnerable situation if I think they are good I put them on a pedestal and that never works out. It seems to me bad boy makes more effort to be in my life. THere was a thief/addict I was seeing and I really liked him there was also a good guy there. In the end I realized the bad boy didn’t lie about who he was g or tried to hold anything back. I judged him an awful lot I was mean to be him but then again I know I am screwed up. I can only really care about men that I pity. I don’t know if it means they are bad boys but it means that they’re screwed up. The good guy turned out not to be so wonderful. I have a new appreciation for the bad boy now I think he can make you feel loved where as other men treat you like furniture. Bad boy needs you sometimes he needs redemption and I have a feeling that I am supposed to overcome my childhood problems so that I can help him with his.
Maybe in the future he will haunt me now. It is always like the last time I spoke to him he pissed me off I decided not to see him and it has been months I don’t even know if he’s alive his phone is off the hook. He hates himself and he makes me mad so I can be abusive towards him. Emotinoally alot of things are missing in his life his dad is dying of cancer his life is wasting away with the worst drug imaginable. I know what codependency is that is how I kept from falling for him also I dind’t want to be accessory to a crime.
But my heart is there because I know that even if he thinks he doesn’t need me he does. He pretends alot that he’s tough. I can always go up to him give him a hug and he won’t do anything for a while but I won’t let go and he will give in. Always trying to hide how he really feels always making me mad or jealous.

By: Kingsley

Kingsley — Fri, 22 May 2009 22:33:39 +0000

Bad boys – in the sense of sexual promiscuity I suppose – want good girls because every man wants to marry a good girl and they aren’t an exception. They might hang around bad girls a lot, but if you ask them they don’t intend to marry any of those. They want a girl they know will be faithful to them and generally be what is conventionally considered a good wife.

That’s my opinion anyway. Why good girls want bad boys is a mystery to me. It’s common but it makes little sense to me.

By: daniel

daniel — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 22:54:24 +0000

you know the real reason why is all about the pyschology. bad boys are bad boys because they broke away form their mother in childhood and were discipllined by their fathers very well and directed in the way of being a man by their fathers. as the oedipus complex explains the boy wants and seeks approval of the mother and wants her to himself, but when that fails and he is continusley diciplined by the father and not given the motherly love that he so desires in childhood, he develops into someone who who is hard tough, challening, inherently becomes all of the traits of the bad boy, when you think about it is all about his EGO!!!! as he grows up he can not take girls who are so nice because they remind him of his mother who he so deseired to be close to when he was little. unconsciously he is scared of these girls. he likes them but he doesnt know why, and he can not be close casue that is his fundamentally biggest fear, so instead he acts with those women like what we al think as a man should act, he acts challening acts likke they arent good enough cocky, confident, and uinconsciously these good girls have kind of the same thing goiong on and they are unconsciusly attracted to him. its the truth

By: peyton

peyton — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 04:27:54 +0000

bad boys want good girls because of their ego. men are allowed to cheat. women are not. women belong to men. (so they think)

By: teresa

teresa — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 19:47:48 +0000

everyone has a valid point here.

i agree with all of you.

i had been talking to some “bad guy” (plays in a band, skateboards,has had sex since the eigth grade, doesnt give a flip about school although very smart) for a few months and i knew he never took anyone seriously so i never really payed attention to him. he told me he liked me though, all the time, and i told him i didnt because at the time i was into this really nice guy. sexually, i was very driven to the “bad guy”; not emotionally attached.
I guess i fall into the category of “good girl”; catholic, my mom is a preacher, i’m really into school etc. I made it clear to the “bad guy” that I only wanted to stay friends but he was never satisfied with my answer, he kept on trying and so then he started having the effect on me and i kind of started falling for him, so we messed for a while and then things(making out or other naughty activities ;] ) kind of faded away after a few weeks. we never had sex but that’s what he left me wanting.

honestly, i expected him not to talk to me anymore after the whole physical part of it ended but he still does talk to me alot. specially when i give him an attitude,he talks to me ignoring my lack of interest to see him at the moment. The whole situation has become confusing, ridiculous and energy comsuming. im guessing its his way saying “if this is over than im gonna have the last word.” I’m excited to know how things are going to end up though. He’s either not gonna rest until he gets sex or he’s just gonna stay friends with me? or stop talking to me? he’s like a project to me. He is graduating this year and i still have one year to go so i have a couple of months left.

anyways, i just want to say that good girls and bad guys want each other because usually bad guys and good girls are strong minded people in opposite ways. the good girl is strong minded in her life choices and the bad guy is strong minded in himself, which is something the good girl lacks. she has been too busy playing the role steve was talking about. the role of fitting into the perfect character in society (in my case) to balance out her dad’s love for alcohol and him not being there half of her life.
the bad guy on the other hand is strong minded in that he will go to a great distance to get what he wants at the moment, not caring about the people involved. he sees that a good girl achieves what she wants because of the characteristics of pure goodness,which he lacks, and feeds off of them.
the “bad guy” brings out the inner selfish child that hides under the character the “good girl” plays in society. Probably the girl never had time to be selfish and free dealing with her father’s problems in her childhood.
the “good girl” probably had to gain motherly characteristics having to cope with her mother’s distress the time her father wasn’t there. These motherly characteristics are either of the mother the “bad guy” lacked or the mother who he loves so much and can’t get enough of.

I think it’s nature. in nature things balance out each other.
the ying yang is the perfect example.

bad boy and good girl balance each other out and i actually think its a beautiful relationship. It’s passionate, intense and full of life, and probably makes great sex but when things are intense they bring strong ups and downs and you have to think as a “good girl”, is it really worth my time if things aren’t going anywhere?
Think about wha…sex?

wow. this is the messiest thing i’ve ever written i think. i hope i made my point clear.

By: Estefania

Estefania — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 06:48:12 +0000

I went out wit this guy that I met in one of my art classes. He was the typically bad boy who wouldnt listen to the teacher, did whatever he wanted, had that limping walk that i hate, and you know things like that….ME, well since im pursuing a career in Art, i’d always pay attention in class, took notes all the time, was in the College newspaper…blah blah blah….

Idk how it happened but before i knew it, he was already taking me on a date….started really good, he was funny, charming, respectful. Time passed and he wanted 2 do it…we didnt bc I was not comfortable enough, he said he would wait till i was ready….@ this time he had already met one of my bestfriends and he knew a couple of things i had told him bout her…we ended everything, him saying he wasnt good enough for me…that i deserve better and stuff like that.

He then started talking to my bestfriend ( neither of them told me nething till 2 weeks after)… but not even a month had passed and they had already done it and they were nothing….he left her rite away and now he’s been trying to get back wit me saying that he wants a girl like me…that he still cares and misses me, that im not the typical girl…that im different in every way, you know all those sweet words you like to hear from a guy…… And as much as I want him back in my life, I just cant do it….

*I agree with the ppl that say that good girls are a challenge and its harder to get in their pants…but when they can’t; they go for the easy ones, get laid, and then they want to go back to the girl who is worth it. They expect us to take them back but aint gonna happen. We may be naive in many ways but not stupid enough to fall for them twice.

By: Lorelei

Lorelei — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 10:37:59 +0000

Steve that is so true. I am 21, always lived a sheltered life, grew up in a conservative Christian family, and my dad was always absent emotionally and physically. My family is also struggling financially and are depending on me for financial help. So I’m bored and tired of the mundane life so I’m searching for something exciting. I don’t even have my own car right now. So to this day, I am very angry at my dad and family, and still have not gotten over it. I have rebelled, gotten drunk every time I drank, made out with with the bad boys etc, and gotten my nose pierced changed my image out of rebellion to the family and all they stand for. To this day, every single guy that I have dated has been a bad boy and has had a ton of the same characteristics as my father. A guy I am interested in right now is almost 6 years older than me, a local at a bar, and has been with several women in my case a “bad boy.” But he knows I’m a “good girl” and is using it to his advantage. See I was so overprotected and basically MADE to be a good girl and follow all the rules that I want someone who is wild, has really lived (cuz I sure as hell haven’t), and gives me quick attention that the other guys don’t. Therefore, I am strongly attracted to bad boys with an exciting life i never had while the nice guys I find boring, undriven, and frankly just dry and ugly. The bad boys are usually really attractive, fun, and spontaneous. They are also usually pretty good in bed and all aspects of sex. And truth is too, to answer the question, we “good girls” go for these guys cuz we want something different so bad we’re able to ignore the facts that they treat us badly, never return phone calls, only call us drunk a lot of times, try to control us, and are all-out jackasses. For me, I don’t like the good guys cuz I’m desperate and wild on the inside. They know that. On the contrary, the bad boys see that I’m emotionally unstable and needy for adventure and influential so they take advantage of that. See, I know all of this but I still run to them. And most of them don’t really give a crap about good girls. They just want to get in, influence them, then get laid.

By: Steve

Steve — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 22:00:33 +0000

Here’s my take on why Good Girls go for the Bad Boys, and I think I’ve seen it written here.
I think that It’s all about what seems “Normal” to the Good Girl. I would ask the Good Gilrs out there, what was your upbringing like? Was it chaotic, or abusive in some way? I think sometimes, good girls are good girls because they had to be. In dysfunctional families (unsually with a controling or compulsive/addictive personality type at the head), there are many roles that the children are forced to play, in order to survive. They are not conscious of the role they’ve chosen at all. I think Good Girls may be playing the Good Girl role, as a counterbalance to the “Bad Boy” father figure. ie: “If I’m GOOD enough, maybe then he will love me”.

But the love from the father never comes (because he’s incapable?), so as the girl grows into adulthood, she’s got a hole in her heart, but she’s still playing the Good Girl role, because it’s now all she knows. There is the old conventional wisdom that we seek out relationships with a person just like the father or mother who we never made peace with.

And for a good girl who had a distant/abusive father (ie:a Bad boy), the only guys who look “Normal” to her, are the guys who behave like her father. Good guys don’t seem appealing to her, or manly, because her male role model, her very idea of what a normal man should be, is a bad boy.

Just my two cents… But it was bought with a lot of pain & turmoil in my own life, as I come from a dysfunctional/abusive family.

- Steve

By: Brian

Brian — Sat, 03 May 2008 17:59:45 +0000

I agree with what was said about good girls sticking with the bad boys. The bad boys know this. They know that if they can get that one good girl hooked, she’ll be there as a safety net. He can then play and know that she’ll forgive him / make excuses for his behavior. If the girl is pretty as well, then that’s a bonus, as what bad boy would not want a pretty girl hanging on his arm, giving him kisses in public, and getting sex from? The bad boy seeks to emotionally manipulate the good girl so that he can get all the benefits without having to fully commit.

I am currently attracted to a “good girl” who is twisted up in knots over a “bad boy”. I put “good girl” in quotes because she’s had her wild times too. She has 4 tattoos and 2 kids from a previous marriage to another bad boy who cheated on her. They got divorced, and so she hopped right into the relationship with bad boy #2. Early on in that relationship, she caught him in bed with another woman, and she tells me that he was like “yeah, we had sex, so what?” They split for 6 months, then got back together. Her parents don’t like him. Her friends don’t like him. Even her kids don’t like him that much (one said “I don’t like that you love him”, and I was there to hear that!). She does the “I love him” / “can’t help how I feel” thing. She’ll make excuses for his quitting his job without having something lined up first (“it was making him grumpy”). He’s now only working temp jobs. He’s in a band, has a tattoo, and is a source of “excitement” because of his artistic side. She has an artistic streak in her as well, so that is their “bond”, as it were.

She now knows that I have feelings for her, and I was told “I’m with him now”. It’s like all of the complaining she does, she still does not have the assertiveness to stand up and say it has to change or she’s leaving. Either that, or she will not just settle and say that’s the way he is and deal.

See, the “bad boy” knows this. Bad boys will know when they’ve got one girl hooked so badly that they can do whatever and she’ll still be twisted up in knots.

He asked her to marry him once, and she declined. They “broke up”, then she cried and cried and they got back together. He knows she’s hooked.

So, I wish she’d just go ahead and marry him if she’s not willing to do anything else. At least it will force the issue of him doing more things to help her with her house rather than spending his money on his band. It will also force the parents into accepting him as her choice, or they may take a stronger stand against him.

Why do bad boys want good girls? Because they can be manipulated emotionally.